"So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me, S.O.S.!"
Updated 2006-04-23 17:00:00
Previously on Alias: Once upon a time, Sydney Bristow was a grad student by day and a spy by night. Her mommy and daddy were spies too, but she didn't find that out until later. Her bestest friend was a guy named Willage who started out stupid, but got smarter (and hotter) later. Her roommate was a girl named Francie who used to just sit around going, "Sure I believe you got a black eye and a broken rib while on a banking junket! Wanna see my restaurant?" But then some evil bitch shot her, and she brainwashed Will into thinking they had sex, and she was much, much more interesting.
Sydney's soulmate was a man named Vaughn, and he loved her the most, but he was shot a bajillion times in the chest not too long ago, so that made Sydney sad. Being pregnant also made Sydney sad, but mostly because Vaughn wasn't around and she woke up on a freighter in the middle of the ocean. Sydney might have been even sadder if she'd known that her own mommy was responsible for her being on that freighter in the middle of the ocean, but she's too busy trying to not go into labor to notice the hot, salty tears of impending motherly betrayal slipping down her face.
Before Sydney wound up sailing the high seas, she had adventures with Rambaldi, the Alliance, SD-6, The Covenant, Prophet Five, and The Horizon. But all that matters now is that Prophet Five is the group that killed Sydney's boyfriend and The Horizon is something they want. Sydney has a sister, but she's in a coma, so ***** her. Sydney's daddy is about to be a grandpa, Sydney's mommy is pretty much a bad guy, and if you think Sydney's boyfriend is dead, well then, children, you really DO believe in fairytales.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome back to Alias.
We begin where we left off, with Sydney discovering that she's on a freighter, cruising along in the middle of a vast ocean. Hi, Sydney! We missed you! Peyton runs up with her henchmen and pinpoints Sydney in the distance. A chase ensues. Sydney runs inside and discovers a radio room. She quickly dispatches the radio operator, kicking his ass to the ground. Pregnant women everywhere shout, "She kicked the ***** out of someone? I can't even GET OFF THE SOFA, let alone KICK THE ***** OUT OF SOMEONE. Pass the Ben and Jerry's, dammit." Syd gets to work on the radio equipment and attempts to make a distress call to her people. Suddenly, she has sharp abdominal pains. She pulls it together and continues the call. Peyton arrives and jiggles the door handle, trying to get in. She orders her henchman to shoot the handle off, and they enter, only to find no Sydney anywhere in sight. Peyton sees the radio equipment and figures out that Sydney's been making some long distance calls, and she's none too pleased about it.