Working Vamp
Updated 2004-01-18 16:00:00
Props to thestatic and secrettvjunkie. And to the makers of Tylenol Cold. Ugh.
The show opens with a little corporate video, and I wonder who at Wolfram & Hart is responsible for the March of Time newsreel style, complete with deep-voiced announcer and cheerful generic music. Then I realize that Cary probably thought that was hip, and it all makes sense. The announcer explains that Wolfram & Hart was founded in 1791 on deconsecrated ground, and adds that the company has "branches that reach right into the heart of every major corporation, including Yoyodyne, Weyland-Yutani, and News Corp." Ha! See, they're all evil. Well, I enjoyed that. More file footage, as the announcer says, "That fabulous movie queen? She owes us her first-born." And so on. Over more modern footage, the announcer says, "Under our new CEO, Angel, we're focusing less on power and more on using that power for good." Shots of Angel, Gunn, and Fred at work. The announcer explains that killing people is now a bad thing, "and that includes you, vampires!" Shot of the vampire from the teaser in "Conviction." A red circle-and-slash pops up over his face. Cut to another guy sipping from a mug as the announcer chides, "That better [sic] be pig's blood, mister!" Cut to Angel speaking to a group of employees. He awkwardly says, "If you don't kill...we won't kill you." Then Angel does that quick, closed-mouth smile you do when you're uncomfortable. Hee. The announcer chimes in, "No more employee sacrifices!" over a shot of someone standing in a blazing fire -- I think that's actually Vocah's ring of fire, from "To Shanshu in L.A." I wish I could purge this stuff from my brain. Shots of various cheerful office workers as the announcer goes on about the "Wolfram & Hart family." The video closes with a shot of the Wolfram & Hart sign.
As an exposition device, that was at least entertaining. If The WB isn't going to allow "previously"s, they might as well be creative about working this stuff in. Maybe they could do a Star Wars-type crawl sometime, or have someone like Augustus explain things. Or hell, why not actually have Augustus do it? For no reason. I mean, who cares? Oh, hang on, the teaser isn't over yet! Not by a long shot.
We pan over a dresser to an alarm clock which reads 7:00 as it starts buzzing and spewing music. Harmony wakes up and gets ready to start the day with an invigorating montage. Harmony, you'll remember, is the vampire without a soul. It's the craziest, most daring idea to come from Mutant Enemy in some time. I mean, she's a vampire, but she doesn't have a soul! It's crazy! Whedon, you mad genius, what will you think of next? The song for the montage, which is quite catchy, is "Hey Sailor" by the Detroit Cobras, which is, inexplicably, a cover of Mickey Lee Lane's "Hey Sa-Lo-Ney"; that's more research than I've ever had to do for a teaser before. Harmony bathes and wraps herself in a pink towel. She brushes her teeth with a pink toothbrush. Her bathroom mirror has "Be your best" written on it. Before twenty people email me: we don't see Harmony's reflection in the mirror. She vamps out and brushes her fangs. She lifts up a dresser to find a lost shoe.