Where were we? Oh, right -- Jen vetoed her own nomination and Dick put Mike up in her place. In the DR, we get the same clip from Tuesday, with Kail saying how bad it is for Mike to be nominated, except with the addition that she"s "definitely" packing her bags. For his part, Mike DRs that he"s not going to campaign against Kail, though he doesn"t think she"s "emotionally strong enough" to stay in the game to the end. Well, that"s what we thought about that crazy bitch in Season 2 with the tattooed-on eyebrows, and she got all the way to runner-up. Anyway, in the post-Veto Ceremony hubbub, Dick catches up with Mike to pull snaps and say it was only about the game. "No worries," says Mike, and Dick insincerely adds, "I sure feel bad, though." Then we get DR of Zach, saying that there"s no reason for Mike to be concerned about his nomination, and that he intends to vote Kail out "150%." Which I guess means voting her out, calling her back, and then kicking her when she has one leg and one arm over the threshold.
Up in the HoH room, Dick is all ajitter in the afterglow of nominating Mike. Dick and Nick have a very brief conversation in which they agree that Kail is such a mess as a player that she isn"t a threat, and that now that they have a chance to get Mike out, they should.
Dick takes this new knowledge straight to Dustin and Jameka, who seem to agree. Once Dick"s gone, Jameka comments to Dustin that she can see the benefits to voting out either of the nominees, but adds that although neither Mike nor Kail probably has any cause to target Dustin, Jameka feels she does have cause to be wary of Mike. In the DR, she says she thinks Mike might come after her because they "don"t really connect." Back in the bedroom, Jameka says she"ll be voting Mike out, and Dustin agrees, "Mike"s gotta go." Well, this turned in a fast hurry.
Out on the hammock, Kail whinily asks Jen, "Am I going home?" A somewhat rough-looking Jen (she seems to have just come out of the hot tub, and chlorine is no friend to that hair) says she doesn"t know, since no one"s talking about it. She does say, though, that Kail and Mike shouldn"t campaign against each other, because then whoever doesn"t get booted will just end up looking "horrible." "I need five votes," says Kail matter-of-factly. She thinks her only hope is that people will think it"s a good time for a strong player to go home, and that Mike is strong. Jen disagrees, saying that Mike doesn"t talk to anyone, and doesn"t have any "strong connections" with any of the houseguests except Kail. At this, Kail squints. Thinking hurts.
In the kitchen, Mike is telling Jen that he didn"t want to have to campaign against Kail, and then, amused, says he assumes that Kail already asked for Jen"s vote. Jen waves that off, saying that she didn"t, since Kail just assumes Jen will vote to keep her. She adds that she"s pissed off that Kail told Dick about her alliance, but not Jen, with whom she"s been sleeping for nineteen nights. Mike -- not campaigning, mind you -- says that all he can do is show people who he is, and that he did that when he got Dick out of the Veto Competition, and then repeats, in case Jen wasn"t sure what he meant, that he"s loyal and true. He"s a Labrador Retriever! You know, I feel like everyone on a reality show should get a little, like, Integrity Meter, and every time they have to announce how much they have, the meter ticks down a notch. Because really, if Mike"s strategy was to let his actions speak for themselves, then maybe he should shut up and let them.
Outside, Nick repeats the new theory about Kail -- keep her because she"s going to lose it -- to Jessica and Jameka, who seem receptive.
America"s Player. Eric has to try to get Kail out of the house. He says that if the vote were happening now, it would be 9-0 against Mike: "But if America wants Kail out of the house, I will send her packing." And again, I"ll give him this: he puts out a decent effort. I wonder if he was ever on the debate team in high school.
In the kitchen, Eric tells Amber and Dustin that he thinks they should re-evaluate the current voting plan. "I wanna get rid of Mike," babbles Amber. Eric says he"s not sure that Kail has "expended" all her moves in the game. Dustin considers this. Amber"s thoughtful expression is a lot like bitchface.
The next day, apparently, Eric has a captive audience in the HoH room -- Jameka, Dustin, and Dick. Talk turns to the nominees. Eric says that if Mike goes this week, Kail could hang around for a while, and shouldn"t they send her home now? Dick says that they have to consider all sides, and then, as Eric quickly covers that he"s not advancing one position or another -- he"s just laying out all the points on both sides -- Dick politely gets up, walks into the bathroom, and lets out a succession of dry, squeaky, old-man farts. That apparently reek, judging by Jameka"s expression, and the fact that Dick is moved (as it were) to spray the room with air freshener on his way back out. Anyway, Eric"s more than happy to ditch either nominee, and to use whoever stays to their advantage. Amber enters and comments on the stank, and then Eric reminds his audience that Kail sold out her alliance, and is a more "active player than Mike will ever be": "Mike has nothing to offer." Daniele enters, and Dick catches her up. Eric adds that Kail was the original target, and could still come back as a threat. Amber asks who Kail could ally with, and Eric suggests Jen, Nick, and Zach. Really, Zach? 150%, he wants to vote her out -- go ask him! Dick agrees that Kail could pull them together. Eric sums it up: "Kail can harm us. I don"t know how Mike can." Eric DRs that he"s working hard for America, but doesn"t know how successful he"s going to be. Back in the HoH, Dustin makes a big show of declaring his attentions to vote Mike out, because he thinks Kail is putty in his hands. Amber says that you don"t know where you are with Mike, and Dick -- surprise! -- returns to Kail"s open campaigning against Dick when he was nominated: "And she could do that to any one of us at any time." Jameka nods sagely. I"m worried for Kail!
Julie throws to DR musings. Zach says that since Kail"s given up, they might as well send her home. Dustin says that Mike eats a lot, is "a giant," and that there"s "nothing going on there." Jessica"s not sure how smart Mike is because he never talks. Also I think that her contact with smart people over the course of her life has been limited. Amber says Mike is hard to read. Jessica says that Kail should go because she"s strong and smart and will be hard to evict down the road. Dustin says that Mike is "silent but deadly" as a player (poor choice of words), but is emphatic in summing up: "Mike"s gotta goooooooooo." We get it.
After commercials, Julie talks to the houseguests, ugh. Zach streaked! Haw haw haw. Actually, they actually put the show footage up on the TV screen for the houseguests to watch, and they seem delighted to see themselves on TV. I"m sure you"re shocked. Julie notes that Jameka"s been kind of quiet, and Jameka gives a stupid beauty-pageant answer that isn"t worth transcribing. Julie talks about the person who smeared mustard on Jen"s pillow, even though it was more on a tank top she was using as a pillowcase. Jen says that she has no suspects and has closed her investigation. And remember when Jen and Eric wrestled? Eric has no shame about losing to Jen, and is definitely up for a rematch. Eric, America wants you to un-pop your collar.
Oh shit, y"all. You know how Daniele has been flirting with Nick, even though she has a boyfriend? Well, it"s not just some dude she"s been seeing -- he"s her LIVE-IN BOYFRIEND OF TWO YEARS. Cold. We get a clips package of fairly tame Nick/Daniele flirting, including a bit where Nick asks how her boyfriend would feel about the way she"s been carrying on. Daniele schmoops that she doesn"t know. Nick lays it out for her, saying that he"s "in like" with her and is totally single and unattached, and Daniele punches him playfully on...the upper thigh.
Outside, Amber and Dick discuss Nick and Daniele. Dick says that Daniele"s boyfriend has got to be "losing his mind," because compared to Nick, the boyfriend is a loser.
Cut to: "I"m Daniele"s boyfriend." SNAP. His name is Kris, and on looks alone...Daniele and Nick are better matched. ON LOOKS ALONE! I"m sure Kris has lots of wonderful qualities! But physically, he"s like a younger version of Carrie"s old boss, Doug Pruzan (Alex Skuby), on The King Of Queens. We get a few snapshots of Kris and Daniele in happier days as he narrates that he loved her at first sight and that their relationship is very serious. The goofy cuckold music cuts out as Kris says that he would love to marry Daniele, and considers her his soulmate. Oh my God, Kris. Leaving aside the whole issue of whether the idea of "soulmates" is queer (sidebar: it is), if you DO believe in soulmates? Yours can"t be the kind of person who will go on a reality show. (Exception noted: Yul.) Also making this segment hard to watch is the fact that Kris has the kind of mouth that just naturally turns down at the corners, so every time he stops talking, he looks like he"s about to start weeping.
More Nick/Daniele. She covers her face as Nick tells her that he likes her so much it"s killing him, and that he knows that when she leaves the house, she"ll be going back to this other dude. Kris says that Nick is the kind of guy who makes "us good guys" look bad. I don"t know. Kris wants to believe that Nick"s flirting is just gameplay; before Daniele went into the house, she told Kris that she loved him and wanted to be with him, and that he had to trust her, so he"s keeping that in mind. And obsessively TiVo-ing Big Brother After Dark, I assume. In the room with the wee beds, Daniele bawls to Dick about how confused she is, and how much she misses Kris and his fake orange tan. Kris tells us he"s confident that Daniele won"t screw up their relationship...just as the editors throw up night-vision footage of Nick in bed with Daniele, caressing her face and putting his finger in her mouth. Kris: "It"s all about trust." Cue footage of Nick pulling the comforter over his and Daniele"s head, and them telling each other how much they"ve wanted to kiss each other all day, and loud, smacky noises that sure sound a lot like kissing, but maybe they"re just in bed, under the covers, eating Jell-O. Kris can"t wait for Daniele to come home! Smack smack.
Ugh, time for Julie to talk to Dick. He"s happy that he and Daniele are talking, and that she even hugged him. The conversation turns to Nick, and...oh my God. What the...what did Nick do? This is the first good look at him that I"ve gotten in the episode: sitting in the living room, Nick"s hair is slicked back, he"s grown a moustache and a flavour saver, and he has the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up so tight over his biceps that it looks like body paint. It"s like from the neck down he"s Sonny Crockett, and from the neck up, he"s Christopher Walken as The Continental. He"s an attractive guy and everything, but he needs to never do any part of what I"m looking at ever again. Anyway, Dick suspects that Nick might be playing Daniele like Mike did Erika last season; if he could evict Nick right now, he would. Why does Dick keep calling people out in front of other houseguests? To keep things out in the open and avoid rumours. He makes a stupid joke about how deep he got into Kail"s head, and Julie dismisses him.
More musings: Jen says that Kail is a liability to her now, because she can"t tell Kail anything without fearing that it"s going to get out to the whole house. Jameka goes along with Mike"s talking points by saying that his performance during the Veto Competition proved that a commitment from Mike is good to the end. Daniele derides Kail"s "sloppy gameplay," like this is fucking golf or something. Nick thinks Kail could hurt him in the long run. Jameka thinks Kail could help her in the long run. Daniele thinks that Mike is smarter than he gets credit for, and that they should get him out while they can. Blah blah blah.
After commercials, it"s time, for some reason, for a clips package on Jen. She"s still in her unitard as Dick tells her, outside, that the way she flaunts her body makes her seem shallow, and asks how the people who know her would respond to the way she"s acting in the house. She replies that they"re probably asking each other, "Who is that?" Then we meet Anita, Jen"s mom, who looks pretty young to have a kid Jen"s age. "When Jennifer was a kid, she was not like that," says Anita. ...Uh, I hope not. It"s kind of upsetting to think that a nine-year-old would wear a unitard as a halter. We get a high-school yearbook photo of Jen featuring her original nose as Anita says that Jen got straight "A"s in high school and took a double major in college -- Early Childhood Education and Architecture, because Jen plans to get a job designing day care centers, I guess? (Anita doesn"t say whether Jen graduated, though.) Anita adds that she thinks Jen made a bad first impression in the house. Jen cries about her picture on the wall in the house...and then Kara, Jen"s own Karl Rove, explains that she was upset because Jen is a model, and that her photos are her livelihood. We get a few shots from Jen"s portfolio (which prove, at least, that she can probably count on an FHM spread once she"s out of the house). We see Jen, in the HoH room, taking down a totally normal candid shot of Jen with Anita...and then Anita admits that seeing that hurt her feelings, and that Jen is sometimes too concerned about appearances. That"s very insightful, Anita. It"s the kind of observation one could only make about Jen after observing her for...oh, ninety seconds would probably do it. Back to the initial conversation with Dick: he thinks Jen should let people see how smart she is, and she says it doesn"t hurt her for people to think she"s dumb. Oh, the classic defense of the dumb Big Brother contestant -- faking it!
Almost voting time. Mike? Well, Mike is great. In case you hadn"t heard, he would like you to know that. Mike risked his own security in the house because he believes so much in honesty and integrity. He kind of undercuts his case here by adding that he did what he did so that they all could see him do it...but anyway, he drones on so long that Julie has to get out her big cane, and he wraps it up by saying that if they do vote him out, he"ll walk out with "absolute dignity," hoping that he"s "enlightened" and "inspired" his fellow houseguests. Oh, Mike. You had me (briefly), and then you lost me forever. You"re a dink. Kail? She practically starts crying already as she says how much she values her friendships with everyone and that they"ll all be bonded for life because of this experience. If she"s "blessed" to stay in the house, she will look forward to deepening their friendships. I"m paraphrasing, by the way, because what Kail actually says is all over the fucking map and only barely coherent.
Votes!
Now that his first alliance is in tatters, which former ally does Zach trust more? The one who isn"t Kail, it would seem.
Jameka is torn between how hard Mike is to read and how strong Kail is as a player. But she votes to evict Mike, as we already saw her say she would, like, half an hour ago.
Jen"s been friends with Kail since the start, but she got burned by the whole thing where Kail didn"t tell her about her alliance. Jen sits, and actually seems not to have decided yet before eventually saying she wants to evict Mike.
Did Eric"s anti-Kail argument sway Dustin? No -- he votes to evict Mike. And does so in a novelty moustache. I"ll let it go because he"s bored. And because HE DIDN"T GROW IT HIMSELF. NICK.
Eric. Julie"s banter is to ask whom Eric would want to start a romance with if America told him to, and Eric says he"s open to all comers (as it were). His "vote" is for Kail.
Amber"s still bitter about her nomination by Kail, but is she more worried about Mike"s tight-lipped gameplay? It would seem so, as she votes to evict him while playing with her pendant, which makes her look even dumber than her normally fairly dumb expression does.
Now it"s Errol Flynn"s turn to vote. He sold out his alliance and could get reprisal for it from Mike or Kail. Who"s the bigger threat? He thinks Mike.
That"s all it takes, but in case you were wondering: Daniele votes to evict "Michael," and Jessica votes to evict him as well.
When Julie tells Mike he"s out, he gets up robotically, not looking at anyone, and goes straight for a (probably fake) plant in the doorway, pulling out flowers for the girls, some of whom "aaaaaaw." Eh. He starts shaking people"s hands, and then the girls crowd in for hugs, and then Dick hands him his bag and he heads out, all cold and clipped, to the Chenderdome.
We briefly cut back inside the house, where Kail is giving Dustin a huge hug (and crying, natch), and then rolls off to Nick, who gives her one arm for like three seconds, staring straight ahead like fucking Terminator, and then Kail is whimpering and hugging Jameka. It"s kind of a pitiful display, but the cameras are soon distracted from it by Dick accusing Jen of having voted to evict Kail. Jen denies it, but in the same blasé tone of voice she always uses, so it"s not terribly convincing, even though it"s the truth. This goes on for a while, with the camera focusing on Eric staring down at the floor trying not to get caught out. Hang tough, big guy! And fix your damn collar!
Chenderdome. Julie claims that "people on the internet" have been saying that Mike"s clowning at the Veto Competition was "the dumbest move ever." Oh man, that"s going to be awkward the next time Mike has the internet over for bridge. Also, shut up, Julie. "People on the internet" say everything. It"s not like we vote as a bloc. Anyway, she"s just setting Mike up again to remind us that he"s great, though he also hints that the real reason behind his ouster had nothing to do with taunting Dick. (I briefly consider looking up whatever he might be talking on a feed transcript, and then remember that I don"t actually care that much.) But since Mike can"t get into that, he returns to his theme of the rest of the episode: loyalty, integrity, fraternity, liberty, awesomnity. Goodbye messages: Zach is bummed that Mike got voted out, and repeats that Mike played with loyalty and integrity, in case you don"t get Mike"s newsletter. Kail"s sorry that Mike got bounced. Dustin pissily says that Mike"s been in the house four weeks, and Dustin knows four things about him: "You"re from Wisconsin, you like planes, you"re a model, and you eat a lot of meat." Funny, that last one"s the only thing Mike knows about Dustin. OH! Amber thinks Mike will be "the perfect husband" someday and thinks he"s great. "Hi Mike, it"s Jen." He...can see you. Jen hopes Mike doesn"t get to see the message -- though she doesn"t hope it so hard that she voted for Kail or anything. She also repeats the talking points, for Christ"s sake. Dick says that for Mike to "put [him]self out there" was stupid. Shut up, Sacky Sales. Please let Dick be the next to go; I"m so sick of his scrotum face.
HoH Competition. It"s a quiz about evicted houseguests. You buzz in to answer, and if you answer correctly, you get to kick someone else out of the running. If you answer wrong, you"re out. Last one left is HoH. This should be the format every week. First question: Eric gets it right, and boots Jen. Second question: Dustin gets it right, and boots Zach. Third question: Nick gets it right, and boots Kail. Fourth question: Jameka answers right, and hesitates briefly before booting Nick. Fifth question: Dustin answers right, and boots Jessica. Sixth question: Eric gets it right, and boots Amber. Seventh question: Eric gets it right, and boots Daniele. Eighth question: Eric buzzes in waaaaay too early, guesses at an answer, and gets eliminated. Adrenaline jitters, or throwing the contest? You make the call! Eric leaves, cheerfully enough, leaving only Dustin and Jameka for the ninth question. Dustin gets it right, and is HoH. He"s happy. Amber"s so happy she cries! I know!
And then, for no good reason, we get Dustin"s thoughts on winning HoH. Julie wants to know what Joe must be thinking. Dustin says he must be pissed, but quickly changes the subject, like, seriously, he must be so fucking sick of talking about Joe. Does Dustin feel freer now that Joe"s gone? Short answer: yes. What"s Dick"s advice for Dustin? Keep a low profile. How happy is Kail? She says she"s "touched to the heart" and "very blessed," as though the vote against Mike was a referendum on her superiority or something. Kail the Gratitude Journaler is going to get on my nerves even worse than Kail the Paranoid Ballbuster.