Blog Posts by Nikki Boyer

"GMA": Gee whiz, Forrest, where'd you learn "Big" words like that? At some "Bachelor Party" in "Philadelphia"? Certainly not in "The 'Burbs". I mean, I've heard some dirty "Punchlines" before, but these were in "A League Of Their Own"! I bet "You've Got Mail" coming your way after this. But don't you know there are better ways to make a "Splash"? Keep this up, and you'll be "Cast Away"! (Sorry, "Sleepless In Seattle", "Toy Story 3", and "Turner & Hooch" fans... I couldn't work 'em all in!)

"Access Hollywood Live": I'm totally cool with Billy kissing his old friend on the cheek and forehead seven times in a span of 20 seconds. But they had just gotten done eating some great Italian food from Buca di Beppo, and the guy Billy was kissing was just the public relations guy for Buca, where is the love for the chef?! If that food tasted half as good as it looked, I would have kissed the person who prepared it 14 times in ten seconds!

"Wake Up with Al": What does a baby panda have to do

"Today": If there are two things I enjoy, it's beer and bull testicles! And now, some amazing scientist has combined the two into one tasty craft brew! Mmmm… Rocky Mountain Oyster Stout! I'm a lucky girl!

"Access Hollywood Live": They interviewed Heidi Montag on the show and she admitted to regretting having ten plastic surgery procedures done at one time! She also regrets not saving any money during her rise to fame as a big reality star. On a related note, I regret putting my hand on a hot stove and taking a drink of sour milk!

"Wendy Williams": Wendy spent about five minutes showing videos of famous people falling down while she laughed hysterically at them. And I know that kind of sounds like she was being a bully, and maybe she was. But either way it was hilarious, and I hope it becomes a regular segment on the show!

"Anderson Live": I think Anderson should have comedians guest host his show all the time and they should only cover funny stories in the news. Why? Because hearing

"GMA": Proof positive that morning show anchors have the best and worst job in the world: the good news? Today they got to be the first people ever to try three new limited edition flavors of Pringles. The bad news? Those flavors were Cinnamon Sugar, Pumpkin Pie Spice, and White Chocolate Peppermint. So, they all popped... but pretty soon, they stopped.

"Ellen": Ellen's "Beauty Guru" Kym Douglas acts way more like a prop comic than a hair and makeup expert. Her "double duty beauty" tips today involved her painting her lips red with beets, zipping herself into a "personal steam sauna" box that looks like it was made with a space quilt, and slathering her face with garlic and tomato paste for a "pizza facial". So I guess Kym's big beauty secret is, if you want to look great, stand next to her?

"Access Hollywood Live": You gotta wonder what respected actress Marcia Cross was thinking while she sat backstage as they interviewed Honey Boo Boo and her mama for three segments! I'm not

"CBS This Morning": This show gets accused of being way more "newsy" and "serious" than the other network morning shows, so they promised to liven things up with some fun and wacky video clips! This morning's "fun and wacky" videos? A guy who almost loses an arm while taunting a crocodile with raw meat, and a Russian driver who gets flung out of his car and across the road after a three-car crash, but somehow walks away! Wow, real wacky, guys! Zany to the max! Are you available for parties?

"Ellen": Joel McHale reminisced to Ellen about the early days of "The Soup", and how he used to have to troll through hours of weird daytime TV to find funny moments to share with the world. Hey Joel, guess what? I can relate! But Cap'n McHale must be losing his touch a little bit, because today he complained about having to sit through all five hours of "The Today Show". Uh, Joel, there's only four. Believe me, I checked… every day for the last few years. But to be fair, the Hoda and KLG hour FEELS

"Today": Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 10/11/12! Okay, I know that joke doesn't really work. But everyone on "Today" was happy about pointing out today's date just the same. Does this make anyone else think of the old "Sesame Street" song, with the disco music and the cartoon pinballs, that counted to 12? No? Just me? Okay then. If you need me, I'll be over here... (singing softly to self: "one two three FOUR FIVE, six SE-VEN eight NINE TEN, e-LEVEN TWELVE..")

"Ellen": What do you get the girl who has everything, including a multi-billion dollar media empire and her own daily daytime TV show? A robotic wagging cat tail imported from Japan, apparently. Ellen couldn't get enough of her weird new toy! I heard they had to bust out a ball of string, just to distract her so they could take it away to recharge.

"Access Hollywood Live": I've got mixed feelings about the Blue Man Group. On the one hand watching them perform is kinda cool, they're different, exciting and fun to watch. But on

"GMA": The top Pop News story was Robert Pattinson getting caught using a drill on a wooden bar in New York? Way to go, flathead! What a torque! Also on this morning's show: Bryan Cranston told Josh he wanted to do a cooking segment as his "Breaking Bad" character Walter White, and Ann Romney plus Jersey Shore cast equals best green room ever. "GMA", you've gotten weirder since you've hit #1. And I LIKE it!

"Anderson Live": I'm glad Anderson talked about Honey Boo Boo, so I could have yet another excuse to play with the Honey Boo Boo name generator! And let's just say that Nanny Beautimous (that's me) was excited to hear Adorable Carley, (that's Anderson Cooper) talk about Honey Boo Boo - so I could put it on my show: "Dainty NoNo"!

"Ellen": I'm so excited about Ellen's gag where she only lets writer Amy talk in song lyrics. And I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control and I think I like it!

"Access Hollywood Live": It was quite genius to design a workout around "50 Shades of

"Today": Awww... Henry Thomas, the grown up version of the kid who played Elliott in "E.T.", said that the ending of the movie still makes him choke up. Hey, me too! But in my case, it's probably because I'm also always downing an entire box of Reese's Pieces. What? It's tradition...

"Live! with Kelly and Michael": I think I could listen to Christopher Walken talk about anything... movies, fashion, art, cowbells, hot dogs... really, anything at all! It. would. just. take. about. three... hours, because. of. all the... pauses.

"Wake Up with Al": I love how excited Al and Stephanie are about their newly renovated studio. They were playing with all the new bells and whistles and showing it off with wide camera shots, it was really quite adorable! So I just don't have the heart to tell them, that even though I watch their show every single day and part of my job is paying attention to little details, I seriously can't see anything different about the studio! But hey, if they have increased

"Today": Anyone under 30 probably saw today's interview with guitarist Pete Townshend and was like, "Who are you?" And anyone over that age sitting next to them was probably like, "He's from The Who!" And then the younger person was probably all, "The Who?" and then the older one went, "The WHO!" And this probably went on for like another five solid minutes. I'll bet neither of them even noticed that Pete ended the interview by smashing Al Roker all over the stage!

"GMA": Sam Champion got engaged! I know we like to poke fun from time to time at old Sam-I-Am, but he is pretty great at his job (how else would I have found out that today is National Pierogi Day?)… and he's a pretty courageous soul, to boot. Sam's forecast was more than partly sunny, as he was beaming with happiness on the air today… deservedly so. Congratulations, Sam!

"Access Hollywood Live": Who knew that when Billy and Kit came out wearing boxing gloves and robes, that those things might have actually came in handy