Blog Posts by Nikki Boyer

"Today": Sure, sometimes they break real news over at 30 Rock during the "Today Show," but no, not today. That wasn't a real dictator calling in to make empty threats about being banned from the Oscars; it was Sacha Baron Cohen! Y'know, the Ali-G-nious behind "Borat"? Come on, "Bruno" the guy I'm talking about. No? Well you will, if "Hugo" up there to Yahoo! search and type in his name.

"Ellen": Hmm, I think Seth Rogen's new wife was probably thinking she made a mistake by sitting in the audience to watch her hubs embarrass him (and her) with toilet-based pet names. Every time they cut to her, she looked a little more like she'd rather be in the ladies' room. Well, hey, it coulda been worse: at least he didn't call her the "Green Hornet".

"Wendy Williams": One of the many things I love about Wendy is that she has her own catch phrase. And I feel like I'm reaching the point in my career where I too should have my own. If only she could come on my show and help me come up with one.

"Today": Maybe the cops needed a surveillance camera and a warrant to find their refrigerator raider (and it was a fellow officer! That yogurt heist will get you 20 to life, buddy!) But "Today" just had to stage a ten-minute stakeout to catch their sandwich thief: Kathie Lee! KLG is down at the station being fingerprinted (in mayo) after getting caught on camera on today's show. All they had to do was leave a turkey on rye in the fridge, and label it "do not touch -- Matt's Chardonnay". Busted!

"GMA": Okay, it's been a whole day, but the internet is still buzzing over the elaborate black and white silent film tribute to "The Artist" that "GMA" did yesterday! At least, I think they're all buzzing. There've been, like, no comments at all about it anywhere online. But it's a silent film, so I think that's good, right?

"GDNY": I'm glad to finally see a talk show acknowledge their fake skyline backdrop! In this case, Greg just used it to fill time and teach us some useless Hollywood trivia

"Ellen": Here's hoping it works out for Jennifer Aniston and her new beaux, Justin Theroux. I hope youx guys are together forever.. I really doux! But if not, at least he found a good backup gig: he can hang out with Ellen and breakdance his way down the aisles, so she doesn't have toux!

"The View": It was nice to see Star Jones getting along with everyone. Well, sort of. It started off good with some hugs and reminiscing, but once they started airing out old grievances it got a little stuffy in there. You might even say they could cut the tension in the room with a gastric bypass surgery knife!

"The Doctors": Kendra and Hank talked about they don't like to, how should I say this, partake in any extra curricular activities in the bedroom before he plays in a big football game. But according to my coworkers who actually know a little something about football it sounds like Hank's not that great of player. So maybe he and Kendra should reconsider their strategy, I'm sure he wouldn't

"Ellen": Give her an "A" for effort, but every one of Ellen's Taylor-made leading questions and Zac attacks about whether T.S. and the 'Fron are dating, secretly dating, secretly a couple, or secretly a dating couple who dates, were Swiftly denied. Sorry kids! They're just promoting an animated movie they voiced together. No love story here. (But if anyone asks, I head they're double-secret-secret dating.)

"Today": This was quite the educational show today! Not only did I learn a great new recipe for jambalaya, I also figured out the perfect way to contort my face and then blow up a picture of it to make a big sign. I'm not sure which one of these tips I'll use more, but if I'm really clever I can combine them and make jambalaya while wearing my giant mean muggin' face sign! What a sight that would be!

"GMA": Adele sounds just like one of us -- she spent yesterday popping down to London city hall to apply for a permit. Except it was a permit to land her new helicopter on the lawn of

"GMA": Josh Elliott got a little choked up when they started talking about The Muppets. He even broke out a few bars of "The Rainbow Connection"! He still hasn't finished his investigative report about why there's so many songs about rainbows, and what's on the other side. Sources indicate that rainbows are visions, only illusions… but don't worry Josh. Someday we'll find it. The anchors, the producers, and meeeee!

"Rachael Ray": Hail to the chef! You'd think Rachael would get some love from bigger talk show icons for her 1,000th show. I mean, who is this Oprah character? And what about that guy Regis and some lady named Rosie? Of course, I'm kidding! In fact, I'm just really jealous. Whenever we celebrate a big milestone around here all we get is a pizza party! But I can't really complain, I love pizza. Congrats on a thousand shows Rachael, I'll have a slice just for you today!

"Ellen": Hey, did you see today's Sophia Grace + Rosie show? They had Ellen DeGeneres on as a special

"GMA": They had the story of a guy who became a viral sensation after he took underwater pictures of dogs and then posted them on Facebook. Apparently this guy was struggling for money after splurging on the camera he needed for the shots, but now people are rushing to hire him for private shoots for their own pets! So the moral of this story is that you can't put a price on capturing animal cuteness. And also, underwater photos of dogs are pretty much the most amazing thing ever!

"Today": They made it sound like the monkey in that video was bothered by the height of the man standing near the glass. But lets be honest, that monkey has to stare into a cafe all day long and watch people eat and drink while staring right back at him. If I was that monkey, I'd be way more upset about that than some guy who hovers around six feet tall!

"The Doctors": Today's episode had a guy who hasn't got sick in almost 3 years, and he claims it's because he can do 114 push-ups, even though he's 70 years

"GMA": Wow, I haven't seen George Stephanopoulos turn that red with embarrassment since Grover from "Sesame Street" tried on one of his suits-- and it fit!(True story. You can look it up!)

"San Diego Living": What did I see on this show today? Oh, nothing… just some cats strumming a guitar, playing a cowbell and riding a skateboard! I know I've been guilty of making fun of crazy cat loving people, but knowing that they can train those kitties to do stuff like this gives me a newfound respect for them. This was the purrr-fect thing to make my day!

"Good Day New York": Man all this talk about Ice-T and Coco made me really thirsty! If only Arnold Palmer, O.J. Simpson and former Miami football coach Larry Coker would have been on, I'd really be dying of thirst! Sadly, I'll most likely just have a Diet Pepsi with my lunch today!

"Live! with Kelly": Okay, I'm hoping with today's debacle behind us, we can finally retire the party game, "Jersey Shore or Bust", where they make Kelly, her

"Today": Wow, seeing Star Jones on daytime TV again made me flash back to the original "The View" lineup, circa 1997: you know, back when Whoopi was called "Meredith", and Joy's perm looked 14% different than it does now. And I'm not talkin' about the Lisa Ling days, either. She was so mid-'98-to-2003. Can I get a "Debbie Matenopoulos" one time? #oldskoolview

"The View": Seeing how much fun these ladies have during new toy segments makes me wish it was socially acceptable for adults to buy and play with toys. I mean if Sherri and Elisabeth can ride around on futuristic new big wheels and have the time of their lives, then why can't I? It's just not fair!

"Wake Up with Al": That Al Roker is so clever! To justify the fact that he was interviewing the gorgeous supermodel Kate Upton on a show about the weather, Al managed to slip in a question about how the weather affects her photo shoots. So then he could go on to ask her about things like doing the "Dougie." What a sly little