"Today": I love that people are making sandals out of old jeans! It totally makes me want to make sandals out of stuff I have laying around the house. I never use that cappuccino machine I got as a gift, maybe I could make sandals out of that. Or what about those yard gnomes I've hated for years, I could make gnome sandals! And I still have a ton of Thanksgiving leftovers in the fridge, what about turkey and cranberry sauce sandals!

"GMA": Okay, I get it, boys, I get it... "Milking" is funny BECAUSE it's so stupid. But for your next silly viral internet fad, how about something a little more satisfying... like Cookie-ing! Come on, dumping cookies all over yourself seems like a lot more fun than dousing yourself in milk, right? Who's with me? Anyone? Cookie-ing? Ugh... fine, we'll just start "Santa-ing". Can't wait to see pics of all you idiots stuffed down your own chimneys!

"Live! with Kelly and Michael": I feel like Michael Strahan had been smiling non-stop since landing his dream

"Wendy Williams": Lets face it, getting a giant ketchup bottle tattooed on your leg because you like ketchup is a little bit weird. I like to drink Diet Pepsi a lot, but you won't see me tattoo a can of it on my leg! I do have a bottle of Ranch dressing tattooed on my back, but Ranch is so versatile and yummy, it's just makes way more sense than ketchup!

"Ellen": Wow, Ellen wasted no time diagnosing Jennifer Lawrence's cat problems! And she may have saved the life of one expensive down comforter that was getting a little... wet. So, either Ellen just revealed herself as an official crazy cat lady in training, or she just pitched herself as the host of the new series "The Cat Whisperer". Probably both!

"Live! with Michael and Kelly": Sure, it's called "Live! with Kelly and Michael", but they often pre-tape a show or two here and there, especially right around the holidays. And here's a "DiNT" Insider tip: you can usually tell by the guests! For instance, today's guests? Alec Baldwin and

"GMA": So, everyone on the NYC subway yesterday was hangin' with Mr. (Bradley) Cooper, and they didn't even know it?!? Well guess what, New Yorkers: I was in your fair city this week myself! But you probably didn't recognize me due to my clever disguise! Yes, that was me, dressed as the Statue of Liberty who plays the hits of Christopher Cross on the pan flute for money! Hey, everyone needs a hobby! And I'm using all the cash I raked in to go sailing... saiiliiinggg... it takes me away. Just as soon as I get all this green body paint off of my pan flutes.

"Access Hollywood Live": Captain's log, stardate today; doesn't William Shatner have enough money? Why is he constantly touring, promoting and acting in different things?! Don't get me wrong, I love the guy, but are all the commercials and a new app that costs two dollars really necessary? End of captain's log, questions were not and probably will never be answered.

"Wendy Williams": Not many people can pull off a dance move like "The