"CBS This Morning": Whoa, did they really try to interrupt my breakfast with a story about Consumer Reports finding some kind of dangerous microbes in pork products, maybe even in bacon? Because here's what I heard when that story aired: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH, BLAH BLAH, BACON. Mmmm, tasty, tasty bacon. So y'know what Pork People? If that whole "other white meat" thing doesn't work anymore, here's a new slogan for you guys, courtesy of me: "Bacon: worth the risk!"
"The Today Show": "Warm Up A Cold Night With Meat Loaf Cookies"? I like the way you think, "Today Show" website. But even I think that might be a little weird. Wait, hang on, let me read that again. "Warm Up A Cold Night With Meat Loaf, Cookies". Ah, ok. Missed that comma the first time. Carry on!
"Access Hollywood Live": They had Wilmer Valderrama on the show and when talking about Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis, he said it's not surprising because all of them had great chemistry back in the "That 70's Show" days. Oh really Wilmer, then how come you're not dating Mila? Or Laura Prepon? We all know you enjoy dating young starlets, so let's see you in action again!
"The View": Barbara Walters can talk about her dickey all she wants, but I won't be satisfied until she pulls out her dickey! She needs to wear one on the show and make the rest of the gals wear one as well, and until then, I think she needs to keep the dickey talk out of her mouth!
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