"Today": I don't know why they took away the weights on everyone's licenses, it's not like anyone tells the truth when they're at the DMV anyway! "Yes ma'am, I'm four-foot-eight inches and I weigh 65 pounds, that sounds about right!" And now that the Honey Boo Boo nickname generator has given me my new name, I've never been more excited to get a new license! I'll be breaking the law daily with the hope of hearing a police officer read the name "NoNo Blessed" when they pull me over!
"Ellen": Aww, poor Jenna Dewan-Tatum. Not only does she have to put up with her husband Channing taking up 1/8th of the counter space in their shared master bathroom, leaving a scant fifty square feet for her beauty products... but apparently the sloppy, selfish bastard also likes to immediately take off all his clothes as soon as he enters the house, leaving them all over the front hall floor, while he struts around, practically naked! You poor, poor thing! Try to stay strong. Like Channing's abs.
"Good Day New York": I love when these shows do dance party Fridays because seeing all of their terrible dance moves makes our "DiNT" dance parties look that much better! But this show also threw in bad singing with their bad dancing. I don't know if we can compete with that, I guess we'll just have to give it at try. Look for dance party/bad singing Friday on our Facebook page!
"The View": Elisabeth Hasselbeck's husband was a co-host on the show, but unfortunately for him that wasn't the highlight of her day! She got to perform an impressively lip-synced version of "Ice Ice Baby" with the man himself, Vanilla Ice! It was the kind of show that made me yell "go white boys, go white boys, go!" as I sat and watched it!
Watch "Daytime in No Time" right now and e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org!
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- Arts & Entertainment