Sweet, sweet, flesh-eating revenge! Zombies invaded the witches' territory in "American Horror Story: Coven" this week, and it was just the happy Halloween we were hoping for. All Hallows' Eve in the New Orleans of "Coven," though, was way more about tricks, icks, and holy s-ts than treats.
Not only did Nan summon the Council of Witchcraft (she couldn't hear Madison's thoughts anymore), leading to a full-on investigation of Fiona, but we got a serious dose of creepy — ranging from a ruthless killer we didn't see coming to an unnerving hobby that goes too far. Here are the freakiest moments from "Fearful Pranks Ensue" that sent our terror meter into a Halloween frenzy.
Loyalty is Spalding's (Denis O'Hare) strong suit. But the reason behind his undying commitment to Fiona was a mystery until this week, when we learned that he's been in love with the Supreme since the '70s. How in love? Well, let's just say that he's speechless over it.
When Fiona murdered Anna Leigh to earn the coven's top spot faster, he witnessed the sordid events. So when a young Myrtle Snow, witchy seeker of truth, cast a spell on him so that he'd have to confess the truth when the council confronted him about who killed the former coven leader, he did what had to be done. And what had to be done was slicing off his own tongue with a razor blade.
What's in the box?! No, we're not watching "Se7en." "Fearful Pranks Ensue" served up a disturbing cardboard box of its own, which was dropped off at the salon of Marie Laveau. Inside was the severed (yet still blinking) head of the minotaur. Queenie survived the attack from last week's episode, and Fiona decided to deliver a little payback to the voodoo queen.
Also worth noting: When Fiona visited Laveau's salon back in the "Boy Parts" episode, she violated a longstanding peace agreement between witches and voodoo practitioners that was hammered out back in the day between Anna Leigh and Laveau. In other words, a war is on the horizon.
Remember when Hank Foxx (Josh Hamilton), the husband of Cordelia (Sarah Paulson), seemed like the perfect partner who so badly wanted a family with his lovely wife? Well, forget about him. It was all a lie. He's a monster; he said so himself while cheating on Cordelia with dear, sweet, innocent, small-town Kaley (Alexandra Breckenridge, aka saucy young maid Moira from "Horror Story" Season 1), who's clueless on his marital status. Cordelia thinks he's out of town on a foreman job in Baton Rouge, but he's really having some bed-breaking sex with the young woman. How did they meet? In an online chatroom for Thomas Kinkade fans.
If that, plus infidelity, isn't enough, there's one more doozy to blow your mind… and Kaley's. While she's eating a bowl of soup post-coitus and discussing her strong feelings for him, Hank whips out a gun and blows her brains out at point-blank range. Something tells us this isn't the first time.
Cordelia and her mom might not usually get along, but when the Supreme tells her daughter, "[Hank] reeks of bulls--t," Cordelia should listen.
Sarah Paulson and Jessica Lange in the "American Horror Story: Coven" episode, "Fearful Pranks Ensue."
It brings the mother-daughter duo together, and they go out to a bar and play a little game of truth-or-truth while getting sloshed. Fiona wants to know who the real Supreme in waiting is, but Cordelia dodges the answer and instead goes to the bathroom to puke. She clearly can't handle her liquor like her often-inebriated mom.
While washing her hands, someone cloaked in all black steps out from another stall holding a mason jar of clear liquid. The liquid is thrown right in Cordelia's face. Based on her agonizing scream and the sizzling sound, it's definitely not water. Ouch!
Mental note: Don't anger Marie Laveau! The ageless voodoo queen has some tricks up her sleeve, as we know, and this week she gave "Horror Story" fans an unforgettable dose of undead.
In the opening sequence, a flashback to 1961, we see a young black boy innocently riding his bike down the street. In a heartbreaking turn of events, a group of white men run him off the road in their car and then chase him down an alley. Before we know it, we see his mother — a friend and employee of Laveau — crying over his dead body, which was hanged from a tree. Laveau's not going to take this lying down and summons the dead via a spell that involves some chalk drawings and filleting a snake.
As the racist D-bags responsible for the boy's death sit around in a barn swilling liquor, they get a big, bloody, angry surprise. The dead bodies Laveau rose from a nearby graveyard — some of whom look like Civil War soldiers — are on a mission, and it involves tearing these guys limb from limb and chomping on the pieces.
Fast-forward to the present day, and Laveau has more fish to fry: Madame Delphine LaLaurie and all the witches. In the final scene, LaLaurie, who's now the maid at Miss Robichaux's Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies, is passing out candy to all the trick-or-treaters. A loud knock brings her back to the door. Who's there? Her zombie daughters and about 20 other zombies who have lurched their way onto the lawn. We'll have to wait until next week to see how the witches navigate this undeadly attack.
Who wants to play dollies? Spalding does! When we saw the butler engaging in a tea party with his elaborate and extensive doll collection at the beginning of "Pranks Ensue," we were creeped out. But hey, maybe we shouldn't be so judge-y. The man cut out his own tongue as an act of loyalty; if he wants to indulge in a hobby, so be it. But viewers quickly learn that this is less hobby and more obsession.
In a closing scene, a bonneted Spalding picks out a dress, and it's not doll-sized. As he walks the lace garment into his room, it's revealed that he never buried Madison's body, as Fiona had instructed. Instead, he has the deceased starlet propped up in a chair in her undies, with her hair curled, and holding a teacup and saucer. Tied around her throat, where it was slit by Fiona, is a red scarf. Talk about a not-so-living doll. It's not just us who might need some therapy after that twisted scene; Spalding could clearly use a few sessions.
"American Horror Story: Coven" airs Wednesdays at 10 p.m. on FX.
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