Should someone take Sarah Michelle Gellar's place in the front of this photo? (Art Streiber/The CW)
(Television Without Pity) — One of the most boring things about "Ringer" is the fact that we see the show exclusively from Bridget's and (sometimes) Siobhan's vantage points. We think this underwhelming program would be greatly improved if it was told from the perspective of one of the supporting characters -- any of them, in fact. Here's how the story of once-bitchy, now-sweet Siobhan Martin could play out if it starred her family, friends, or enemies:
This is the story of an up-and-coming NYC interior designer juggling her career and raising twin boys, who is so convinced that her husband, Henry, is cheating on her that she drunkenly slaps other women at parties and points fingers at her lesbian nanny. Her world is rocked when she discovers that it's actually her best friend, Siobhan, who is having the affair with Henry. And to make things worse: She doesn't learn about the affair until her friend is dead. Struggling to regain control of her life, she blackmails Shiv's twin sister into sleeping with her husband -- but little does she know, he'll do whatever it takes to gain custody of his children.
A failing author, unable to define himself as anything but a writer, finds happiness for the first time in years with his wife Gemma's best friend, Shiv. The two have a passionate affair worthy of cringe-inducing "Casablanca" references, but when she finds out she's pregnant with his child, she completely flips and stops all communication with him... that is, until his wife catches on to their secret. In a bout of frustration with his lover and fear of losing his children, Henry maybe murders his scheming wife.
Get caught up on all the "Ringer" drama with this video recap:
After this self-made British millionaire leaves his wife to be with his mistress, Shiv, things seem happy for a number of years, but then the economy gets shaky, his daughter experiments with drugs, and his blushing bride starts to distance herself from him. Though his business partner, Olivia, seems to be taking the difficulties in stride, all Andrew longs to do is to go back to a simpler time when he could enjoy spending time with Shiv while watching "Raging Bull" and "Singin' in the Rain." Just when things are at their worst and Shiv seems to be more distant than ever, she falls back in love with him and becomes pregnant with their first child. The two are finally happy, even though pregnancy completely changes his wife's love of boating and vegetarianism.
An eyeliner-clad FBI agent based in Wyoming has been after the same criminal for 10 years, and just before he's about to nab the sucker, his one eyewitness -- a stripper and ex-addict named Bridget Kelly -- ditches town. Desperate for a lead and looking to get her twin sister to give him the scoop on Bridget's whereabouts, Agent Machado travels to New York, studying the history of various city lofts, bugging bus stations with highly sophisticated cameras (leaving incriminating evidence everywhere, just 'cause he can), and breaking into Hamptons beach houses. Despite the clearance to do such expensive, invasive, and illegal detective work, Machado cannot seem to find his witness anywhere.
When this recovering addict meets Bridget Kelly, he agrees to be her Narcotics Anonymous sponsor, not realizing helping out the lovely blonde would mean signing away his own life. Mesmerized by her beauty, Malcolm helps Bridget escape certain death at the hands of a brutal killer whose crime she witnessed. He supports her as she covers up her sister's suicide and stands by her choice to run away from the police, until one day when he is kidnapped and finds himself in the basement of a strip club. His abductors refuse to let him out of a cage until he gives them Bridget's whereabouts, but once they realize Malcolm can keep a secret, they shoot him up with heroin. His only hope for survival is that one of his students will break him out of the club in a frantic effort to hand in a tardy paper.
Damaged by her parents' divorce and tired of traveling between Miami and New York City, a teenage girl gets kicked out of the boarding school that her stepmother, Shiv, sent her to. Juliet starts staying out late, sneaking into clubs and experimenting with drugs. Although the newly pregnant Shiv seems to reach out to her in these dark times (by holding her hair back while she pukes), Juliet knows they are far from besties when her mother reveals that Shiv was the reason her parents broke up. The girl wreaks havoc on her stepmom's clothes and scribbles "whore" across her gaudy portraits... but after a heartfelt apology, Juliet realizes that she's going to have to get along with Shiv, especially if she's going to survive living under her roof and going to (gulp) public school.
Get a sneak peek at this week's all-new "Ringer" right here:
"Ringer" airs Tuesdays at 9pm ET on The CW.
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- Bridget Kelly
- Television Without Pity