Season 4 of "Breaking Bad" has blown us away (Gregory Peters/AMC)
At the risk of stating the obvious: "Breaking Bad" is incredible, and when we talk about the golden age of television, we're talking about this show. While it can be on-the-nose and unbearably nerve-racking at times, it's been underwatched for four fantastic years, as far as the ratings are concerned. In honor of one of its best seasons yet, we'd like to award crystal-blue buckets of Los Pollos Hermanos chicken to the following in gratitude.
Gotta hand it to Skyler on this one: Walt's gambling addiction has come in handy time and time again. It can't be easy to see your son unfairly hate you so intensely, either.
Grossest Nonfatal Injury
Either that piece of Mike's ear getting blown off after the cartel tried to jack his stash, or Walt's head wound sticking to the sheets the night after his brawl with Jesse.
Best Place to Party
Jesse's place, of course. The sound system is spectacular, you can write all over the walls, the drugs are bountiful, you can get free money (either by hanging around when Jesse throws it in the air or by stealing it from him), the toasters are up for grabs, and you can hang with Skinny Pete and Badger for a week straight!
Worst Place to Party
Don Eladio's, by far. At worst, you'll be poisoned and killed; at second worst, you'll have to watch your best friend (and maybe lover) get murdered. At best, you'll have to swim in the pool after Hector goes to the bathroom in it.
Gale dedicated his lab notebook, "To W.W., my star, my perfect silence." Who would that be? Woodrow Wilson? Willy Wonka? Walter White? Um ... uh ... OH! WALT WHITMAN. Phew!
Worst Use of Alcohol by an Adult
Just when Hank was finally at peace with what he thought was Heisenberg's death, Walt had to hit the bottle and (extremely frustratingly) tell him that Gale was no genius and was definitely not the man behind the meth. Note to Walt: Never drink again.
Best Way to Trick a Meth Head
Dig a hole, tell them they know why you're digging that hole, ask them how deep they think it is, and then let them dig it. Works every time.
Best Detective Work
Sure, he got a little help from Walt's drunken babbling, but Hank deserves 99.9 percent of the credit for linking Gus to the crystal-blue meth. Watching him connect the dots was thrilling and terrifying, knowing how quickly Gus could dispose of him (assuming the DEA isn't conveniently protecting his house after an anonymous tip about a hit from the -- ahem -- cartel).
Smartest and Most Underappreciated Move by Walt
Walt is often infuriating (spending $52,000 on destroying Walt Jr.'s Dodge Challenger comes to mind), but he really took one for Team Gus by getting into a car accident so that Hank wouldn't be able to sniff around America's Laundromat Meth Lab. And how was he thanked? By getting kicked off of Jesse's property.
Person Most Deserving of Death by Hitting Their Head After Slipping on a Rug
Yet Another Reason to Never Smoke
Listen up, kids: One of those cigarettes you steal from your mom's boyfriend's pack could have ricin in it. And even if you don't steal it, someone else can steal it and then poison you. Let this be a lesson to just never go near anything related to smoking, ever. Or strangers.
Best Spidey Senses
This award ceremony has been a little light on the Gus praise, but how do you truly honor the most powerful man in the Southwest and probably Chile? You deem him a superhero and move on, because no man could have his bases covered so well all the time without having powers. From having three different kinds of blood ready in a Mexican pop-up hospital refrigerator to owning multiple highly successful fronts to just knowing when his car is fixed with explosives, Gus knows all, sees all, and controls all... except Jesse and Walt's unwavering partnership.
The season finale of "Breaking Bad" airs Sunday, 10/9 at 10pm on AMC.
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