Vivien had a very unnatural birth this season on "American Horror Story" (Mike Ansell/FX)It's quite a task to choose the craziest moments from the freshman season of FX's "American Horror Story"; this show has been nothing but crazy moments! But we managed to narrow down the highlights of one of the wildest TV seasons we can remember. Just in time for this week's sure-to-be-insane season finale, we're looking back at the creepiest, freakiest, most unforgettable moments of "Horror Story's" first season. (Beware: Many spoilers lurk below.)
You Want Brains With That?
As Vivien's demon seed grew rapidly within her womb, Moira insisted on cooking her some truly disgusting foods to help with the pregnancy. At first, Vivien turned down the maid's fried sweetbreads, but the mom-to-be eventually gave in and chowed down on some cow brains. Like, an entire raw cow's brain. She seemed to enjoy it (she ate up every morsel), but we're still going to leave that dish off our holiday menus.
Hayden Gets Buried
Ben's "Fatal Attraction"-worthy mistress, Hayden, threatened to break up his family with her own baby news. Good thing, then, that burn-victim weirdo Larry Harvey did Ben's dirty work for him by clobbering the girl in the face with a shovel. Ben's no angel, though; he made sure no one found her body by quickly building a gazebo on top of the burial site. Hayden, take the hint: He's just not that into you.
And the Rubber Man Is…
The identity of the infamous Rubber Man who impregnated Vivien was one of the great burning questions early on this season. And honestly, we were a little thrown off to learn that the rubber-suited freak was actually angsty teen ghost Tate. But it made sense when we found out that Tate was just trying to help give crazy Nora the baby she always wanted. And also that he's basically the devil.
Addie Gets Locked in the "Bad-Girl Room"
Constance's abusive treatment of Addie, her mentally-challenged daughter, was always uncomfortable to watch. But her parenting skills hit an all-time low when she angrily locked Addie inside the "bad-girl room," i.e. a cramped closet filled with mirrors. We still get the shivers thinking about that poor girl screaming in terror at the sight of her own face.
The Doctor Is In(sane)
The house's first owners were also the freakiest: 1920s doctor Charles Montgomery and his wife Nora, who performed illegal abortions for Hollywood starlets in their basement. (Yeah, that can't be good for a house's resale value.) After their own child was kidnapped and dismembered, the crazed surgeon tried playing Dr. Frankenstein, sewing the child's limbs back together using animal parts to finish the job. Ick.
"Don't Make Me Kill You Again"
That line, delivered with serious malice by Constance to Moira in the premiere, was more chilling than any of the show's subsequent horror-film freak-outs. Before we got to see exactly what Constance meant, her threat let us know just how weird things on "Horror Story" were about to get. Plus, nobody on earth can sell a line like that quite like Jessica Lange.
This Little Piggy
One "Horror Story" storyline that gave us a serious case of the willies was Ben's patient Derek, played by "Modern Family's" Eric Stonestreet. Derek had a paralyzing fear of urban legends, especially of the murderous "Piggy Man," who he said could be summoned by saying "Here, piggy, pig, pig, pig" three times into a mirror. We would tell you what happened next, but we were shielding our eyes and cowering in fear, so we missed it.
Wait… They Know Each Other?
After helping snuff out the freaky home invaders in Episode 2, Tate stood over their bodies -- and was joined by Constance and Moira. It was a shock to see these three characters in cahoots as they conspired to get rid of the bodies so Ben would keep seeing Tate as a patient. (Of course, we later learned just how entwined these three actually are.) Bonus points to this scene for giving us the classic line, "I'll get the shovel; you get the bleach."
Violet Can't Escape
Okay, the revelation that Violet is actually dead didn't come as a total surprise; the show had been dropping big hints about that for a while. But her death did add an interesting wrinkle to both her family's housing situation and her star-crossed romance with fellow ghost Tate. And the actual moment we found out for sure, when Violet tried to run out of the murder house but kept appearing back in it as if on a loop, was undeniably cool.
The Pope Makes a Cameo
Yes, even His Holiness couldn't resist being a part of "Horror Story's" bizarre mythology. When Constance's psychic friend Billie Dean learned about Vivien's unholy pregnancy, she told an elaborate story about how when a new Pope is elected, he gets to look inside a top-secret box that says the Antichrist will be a result of a human-ghost coupling. You have to take your hat off to any show that finds an organic way to work the Pope in.
Here Comes Baby, There Goes Mommy
The whole season had been building towards last week's gruesome birth of Vivien's twins; the house's ghosts all banded together to help with the delivery. Unfortunately, the difficult birth ultimately took the life of poor Vivien. But on "Horror Story," just because you're dead doesn't mean you're out of the picture, so we got to see Vivien and Violet share a warm mom-daughter embrace in the afterlife. And that's probably about as heartwarming as this show will ever get.
Get a sneak peek at this week's "Horror Story" season finale right here:
The season finale of "American Horror Story" airs Wednesday, 12/21 at 10pm on FX.
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