A Knight To Remember
Updated 2001-11-04 16:00:00
The evening opens with a fade-in on a non-existent constellation in the night sky above San Francisco. It looks a bit like Orion, but the sword and head sections are far too pronounced. Raige voice-overs, "Once upon a time, there lived a handsome prince who was about to marry a beautiful maiden." A tiny little flute with a monstrous ability to annoy tweedles Titanic-style on the soundtrack under all of this. The shot changes to a slow pan up the side of Raige's apartment building as she continues, "But an [Eeevil] enchantress wanted the prince for herself, so she could become queen and rule the entire kingdom." Raige is presently revealed to be narrating from flat on her back in her four-poster through a post-coital haze. Her gentleman escort for the evening has a Kennedy-esque row of choppers. Raige's slampiece claims to hate the wicked woman in the story already, but quickly changes his tune when Raige reveals that she always identified somehow with this anti-heroine. She carries on with the fable, babbling about how the Eeevil Enchantress bided her time until her powers were at their "darkest," then imprisoned the aforementioned beautiful maiden and cast a spell to addle the aforementioned handsome prince. "Bring together my prince and me," Raige recites. "Let him fall on bended knee. I summon -- I summon -- I can never remember the end of it," she sighs. Slampiece guesses the story ends with the prince defeating the wicked witch and rescuing his beloved. On the contrary, Raige tells him. The wicked witch gets herself knocked up, offs the prince and his intended, and goes on to rule the kingdom herself. "What kind of a [freaking lame-ass] fairy tale is that?" wonders the Slampiece. "Just one that's stayed with me for as long as I can remember," she allows. "I told you I was a weird kid." "Weird"? Not so much. "Sadistic"? Maybe. The Slampiece gets a name when he notes that Raige needs to get out of the house more often. "It'd be easier if you were around more, Glenn," she smiles flirtatiously. They roll around on the bed beneath the duvet to start round two as The Flute Of Titanic Annoyance kicks into high gear.