You Can't Spell "Wreaking Holy Havoc" Without "Ecklie"
Updated 2004-12-01 16:00:00
Day breaks on the Las Vegas strip, but we quickly move from shots of the more tastef-- I mean, "less gaudy" casinos, and into a courtroom. From the depths of the couch, Mr. Sobell wonders, "Why don't they hold trials in casinos? Think about it -- 'Today at the Excalibur: Merlin's Banquet, Thunder from Down Under, and People vs. Greeley!'" Yeah? Why not?
Anyway, we're in a courtroom, at what is obviously a trial, with Gil on the witness stand. D.A. Jeffrey Sinclair tells Gil, "I need you to answer the same questions I asked you at the first trial, and I need you to answer them honestly, just as you did back then." Okay, then. We're at a retrial, and Sinclair's making a big deal over Gil's credibility. He then becomes Mr. Exposition, Esq., explaining that on December 20, 1999, Gil answered a call at a hardware store, where the victim was evidently beaten to death with a tool. That's an Alanis Morissette lyric in the making. Sinclair holds up the wrench that killed the victim, and Gil confirms that verily, it is the fatal wrench, and it was found underneath the sink at the business next door, Garbett's Gourmet. You know, if I operated a food emporium, I wouldn't use a name that's so close to "garbage." Sinclair confirms yet again that Gil is ab-so-posi-lu-tively certain the wrench is what sent the victim to the Home Depot in the Sky, because Gil found Mr. Garbett's fingerprints on the handle of the lethal lug fastener, and in the hardware store-cum-murder scene.
Sinclair then asks what else Gil found at the store. Gil says he found a matchbook, explaining it with, "The killer tried to cover his tracks by setting a fire, but a lack of sufficient combustibles may have thwarted his effort." Or a lack of sufficient brain cells: what hardware store isn't packed to the rafters with combustibles? It's not like manufacturers put the "keep out of direct heat and away from open flame" warnings on the paint thinner and furniture finish cans because they've never been able to think of anything catchier with which to fill the space. Sinclair produces the matchbook, but Gil's just noticed something new -- a fingerprint. Sinclair presses with, "Is this the same matchbook you found on the scene," Gil attempts to duck a perjury charge by asking for a quick break to consult with the prosecution, and the defense jumps all over his request like a pyromaniac in the aerosols aisle of a hardware store. Gil's all, "Okay, fine, it's the matchbook I collected at the crime scene." The judge allows for a break.
Cut to Mr. Exposition, Esq. getting shirty with Gil because "the defendant was found guilty at his first trial. The only reason we're back in court is because his new lawyer convinced some appellate judge the original jury instructions were faulty. This has nothing to do with the evidence." Gil sighs under the burden of having to explain to Mr. Exposition, Esq. that if it weren't for the precious evidence, the television character "Jeffrey Sinclair" would still be synonymous with Babylon 5. He explains that the matchbook has a fingerprint on it, and when Sinclair reasonably asks, "So?" Gil says he doesn't remember it. It figures Gil would operate on the kind of mental plane where he's got immediate and perfect recall of six-year-old crime scene artifacts. Also, the fingerprint's not in his notes.