Love Bites
Updated 2003-04-15 17:00:00
Anyway, I guess Oliver is still talking. Listen, people: Oliver Hudson is really cute, and he's not a bad actor. He and Katie Holmes have decent chemistry. But the only reason that the fans embraced him at all was because we all thought that Joey and Pacey were never going to get back together, and Oliver is a decent Pacey substitute. He's the Diet Coke of Pacey. But now that the fans have seen Joey and Pacey reunited, it's going to impossible to sell us on Oliver. Generally speaking, I mean. I suppose there are people out there who hate Pacey and love Oliver or something, so they might not be unhappy about this. Oh, just take the sentences above and substitute the word "Jessica" for "fans." Fine! Fine! The truth is out! I love Pacey and I don't care!
Anyway. "I need you around. What do you say?" Oliver asks. "No, no," Joey sort of stutters in a really indecisive way. Oliver comments awkwardly that that wasn't the answer he was looking for. "[Oliver], you walked away," Joey stammers. "I came back," he tells her. And didn't they make some kind of I Will Always Love You, Let's Meet Up In Paris pact when he left? So, really, I don't think it's surprising that Oliver is back expecting her to be happy to see him. The last he saw her, they were all making out on Pacific Avenue and whatnot. "I moved on," Joey says, very uncomfortably. "Oh. Okay," Oliver says. "If that's how you feel. Okay, I understand, I do. I guess I'll be seeing you, Joey," he says, then scampers off. See, all of this unfortunate uncomfortableness could have been avoided if someone picked up the phone, or used this newfangled invention that I hear is all the rage with the kids called "email." Communication! It's the key to successful relationships, people! At any rate, Joey calls her apologies after Oliver and rests her head in her hands and mopes her way into the credits.
After all the ovary wailing, we open on Joey's massive dorm room at Worthington College For Girls With Daddy Issues. Harley is going through Joey's closet and making disparaging comments about her formalwear, which begs the question: why does Joey have so much formalwear? When I was nineteen, I had one formal, which I had worn to my senior prom. Anyway, Joey is perched on her bed reading, her hair in cute little plaits. She asks Harley to please "pick something and leave." Harley picks at a flowered number. "If you're going to be chaperoning my semiformal, you need to wear something moderately hip so I don't look like a freak associating with you," Harley exposits, and wonders if Joey has anything that's even remotely "older woman sexy." Harley, Joey's, like, nineteen. If she's "older woman sexy," I must be entering my "hot retiree" stage. Then Harley decides that she'd rather Joey not look too hot at the party, as to avoid attracting poor stupid Patrick. Joey rolls her eyes and swears to keep her "Mrs. Robinson paws off Patrick." Then she kicks Harley out so she can study.