I Know Things Now
Updated 2006-05-12 17:00:00
Hoping to unearth just cause for firing Tom, Ed brings in a forensic accountant to go over Tom's expense reports. Tom -- who clearly has something to hide -- punches out Ed in hopes of getting fired, before the accountant digs up anything on him. But despite Tom's fisticuff distraction, the accountant still discovers that Tom's been jetting off to Atlantic City and buying flowers and a pair of tickets to a show. (What kind of idiot submits receipts like that for reimbursement? While working at the same company as his wife? An idiot named Tom, it turns out.) Ed tells Lynette about the suggestive expenses, and Lynette passively confronts Tom with some side-windy Qs ("You know you can tell me anything, right?"), but Tom admits to nothing. Andrew discovers that Hempy is a sex addict, so he convinces Danielle to make a pass at him during a family dinner. Later, when Andrew tries to get Danielle to actually sleep with Hempy, she refuses on grounds of total grossness. Industrious Andrew decides to take the job on himself. When Bree finds Andrew and Hempy in a compromised position, she becomes "upset" and drives Andrew to a remote gas station and leaves him there. Caleb is a third of the way through his poisoned ice cream, when he (duh) lets it slip that Matthew told him Danielle wanted him to kiss her. Betty is "upset," so she lets Caleb live and locks Matthew in the dungeon. Edie's PI discovers that Susan is Karl's other woman. Susan tries to buy his silence, but she can't afford the $2k+ price tag. Since it's going to come out anyway, Susan writes Edie a tell-all letter and for some reason puts it in the mail (versus walking the six Earth inches over to Edie's mailbox). But then! Mike informs Susan that he paid off the PI on her behalf. (Mike, it appears, likes Susan again, and vice versa.) Desperate to retrieve the letter before it gets delivered to Edie, Susan is forced to go through a whole painful scene with the mailman, involving a gallon of iced tea and a confused mailman thinking Susan wants to have sex with him. But Susan's maneuverings are all for naught: the letter gets delivered anyway. Edie is very "upset" by the news of Susan's betrayal, and she burns down Susan's house. Gaby, who appears to be totally over the whole baby Lily thing (she is a very, very fast healer), discovers that Xiao Mei the Money is in danger of being deported. Luckily there's a loophole: Money can avoid getting sent back to China if she has an American baby in her baby hole. So why not have Money act as a surrogate for Gaby and Carlos? Total win-win! Money is reluctant to get knocked up, what with wanting to preserve her virginity, until Gaby convinces her that rich, American men love "experienced" women. Not at all surprisingly, Money becomes confused about the impregnation process and presents her naked self to Carlos, and Carlos? Isn't really all that "upset" about the mix up.