Let's Give The Boy A Hand
Updated 2008-04-18 19:17:06
Previously on Dexter : There was a body with no blood, and Dexter got extra-big-ass psyched. The Ice Truck Killer threw one of his victim's heads at Dexter's windshield, and made Dexter want to "play." Doakes dug himself into a pretty deep hole with Guerrero, and MacNamara (brother to the now-dead wife of the undercover cop in Guerrero's crew, whom Doakes was also boning) dug it all the way to China. The ITK returned by placing his victim in the goal at the local ice hockey arena, and Dexter thought he was escalating his MO. The body belonged to the frozen finger tips they found in the Ice Truck that Deb discovered. LaGuerta presented Tony Tucci, the night watchman at the arena, as the ITK, but Deb knew it was "bullshit." Dex wasn't as upset as Deb, though, because it meant his playmate was still at large and able to drop cryptic clues to Dexter about their connection, which we still have no idea about.
Ah, the beach. It looks so nice. As someone parasails in the background, Dexter is meandering along in the sand, watching others. He VOs, "I find people around me are all making some kind of connection, like friendship, or romance. But human bonds always lead to messy complications. Commitment. Sharing. Driving people to the airport." Ha! It's kind of classic that his mind equates something as mundane as driving someone to the airport with the much larger ideas of human connection. Plus, he'd drive Rita to the airport in a second and wouldn't make a peep. Shut up, Dexter. "If I let someone get that close, they'd see who I really am, and I can't let that happen." Oh, yeah. Good point.
Oh, I see. It turns out he's actually at a crime scene. "Time to put on my mask." Yeah, yeah, we know. As soon as he crosses the police tape, Angel is all up in his grill-piece, all, "I need your expertise, bro." "I live to serve!" The two approach a beach chair with a severed hand and a light blue towel on it. There's a little red sand bucket with a little yellow plastic shovel next to the hand, and a beach ball lying next to the chair. There seems to be a picture or postcard in the little bucket. "Interesting handjob," quips Dexter. Hee! "That's funny," says Angel. "It is?" Awkward. Anyway, Angel wonders how long Dexter thinks the hand has been there, but Dexter is distracted, looking around. "This looks familiar." Angel, not caring, says, "Okay...so how long's it been there." Jesus, dude, ease up! Dexter crouches down, and notices that the blood has stopped pooling, but is still wet. "Couple hours at the most." Apparently, it was called in "this morning, around 7:30," according to Angel. The print lady says, "No prints. Real freak show, eh?" Angel wonders aloud if it might be the ITK they're dealing with here, and Dexter notices there's blood, which is unlike the ITK, as well the fact that it's a male hand. He also notes that the cuts are very delicate between the first and second carpals. "Very surgical." Angel reaches into the bucket and pulls out the picture I mentioned a second ago, and it's actually a Polaroid of the hand in the chair, seemingly posed in front of two crossed palm trees. Dexter stands up quickly, and asks Angel, "How far is Rand Beach from here?" "This is Rand Beach. It was renamed Petrie Beach a few years ago." As Dexter stares at the crossed palms, we're ushered into a flashback.
This is a flashback to an earlier time, with mega-young Dexter, not the teenaged one we've seen for the past couple episodes. He's with Debra and his step-mom, and this is the first time we've seen her. Harry is getting the camera ready to shoot a family portrait in front of...the same palms that are in the background of the hand picture, so they must be at Rand Beach. Harry sets the timer and jumps back into the shot, and tells everyone to say "stinky feet." Oh, Harry! You're such a card! After the flash goes off, Harry says, "Nobody move. Dexter, were you smiling?" Of course, Dex says no, so they have to do it again. "I want you to smile this time, Dexter," Harry says. "Yeah, pretend you're burning ants!" says Deb. Shut your damn face, Deb. "Shut your damn face, Deb," says Dexter. Whoa, that was weird! Anyway, Mama Morgan reprimands the children for bickering, and Harry seconds the scold, and asks Dexter to come over to where the camera is. "What's the matter with you?" Harry asks. "I hate the beach. It's sandy and gross and nasty and I want to go home." Harry explains that being a part of the family means hanging out at the beach and smiling for photos. Dexter wants to know why he should pretend to be happy, and Harry tells him that not only will it make his mom happy, but it's how he'll fit in. "Remember how we talked about that? Well, this is how you do it." Harry sets the Polaroid up again, and Dexter fakes a smile. "Stinky feet!" Click.
Dexter's back at his pad now, telling LaGuerta on his cell that he'll be right in after he "picks up a few labs," which is obviously a lie because he's totally going to find that picture and compare it to the one at the crime scene. Being awesome, I'm totally right, and as Dexter finds the shot, he VOs, "Dexter Morgan, this is your life. It is my new friend, the Ice Truck Killer. When he broke into my apartment, he took some time to get to know me. My life." As the camera slowly zooms in on Dexter's LG air conditioner: "My secrets." His mind looks pretty blown, and I gotta say, mine would be, too. He's in a pretty delicate situation, having someone out there who knows what he does. Why doesn't whoever it may be blow the whistle on Dexter? What does this person have to gain? Hmm...
CBS Channel 4 in Miami is still reporting on the manhunt for Tony Tucci, our supposed Ice Truck Killer (even though it's obviously not him), and LaGuerta is telling someone on the phone to "tell the fuckin' governor to free up some funds for overtime. I mean, the more guys I got out there, the sooner we'll find Tucci." I'll free up your funds, jerkwater! Astor walks in with a sober look on his grill, and shuts the door behind him, and LaGuerta hangs up the phone. "What's wrong?" she asks him. "Fingerprint came back from that hand on the beach. It belongs to Tony Tucci." Oh, snap! Suck on that , LaGuerta! What, are you gonna say he cut off his own hand to throw you off his scent? Not pleased, she's all, "No, no. No way. No. Way! This has to be a mistake!" "The mistake, Maria, was unleashing a high-profile manhunt before you had all the facts." That's right , beeyotch! "Fuck!" Yes, "fuck" indeed. Astor just watches her while giving her a pretty frosty glare. "Okay," she continues, "this doesn't mean that Tucci's not the killer..." "Don't. Just...just don't," says Astor. "You want to be on TV? Well, get ready. The press will annihilate us for this. You'll be lucky if Tucci's mother doesn't sign a lawsuit." Yeah, dude. You guys are pretty boned. Astor tells her to go talk to "that woman," by whom I'm assuming he means Tucci's mother. "Hopefully we can mitigate the fallout." LaGuerta is hesitant, because she called her son a killer, and Astor tells her to suck it up and make it right. He takes off, leaving her to her thoughts, which I hope sound something like, "Jesus, dude, I really suck. Like, so hard. I'm such a power-hungry douche-nozzle that I can barely stand my own existence. I wonder what Dexter's doing right now? I love him, but he's too good for me. I should just end it all right now..."
Whoa, sorry. I'll leave the fan-fic to y'all.
Back at Petrie Beach, Angel and Doakes are discussing the fingerprint results. "So, LaGuerta really screwed the pooch on this one, huh?" asks Angel, and Doakes replies, "Yeah, I'm taking point on this." He goes on to instruct Angel to secure the beach and separate witnesses. Angel, agreeing, asks if Captain Astor made LaGuerta cry, but now it's Doakes's turn to be distracted. A few of Guerrero's men are lurking at the edge of the beach menacingly, and Doakes is a bit shaken. "Just control the fucking beach, Angel." Doakes broods on as Angel is replaced by Deb, saying, "I knew Tucci wasn't the killer. I knew it." When she goes on to say how she wishes she could have seen the Captain "rip her a new one," Doakes tells her to calm down, to no avail. "Now [the ITK]'s getting back at us for chasing after the wrong guy." Doakes doesn't give a shit. "You see all these people over here?" "Yeah." "What are they?" "Potential witnesses." God, she's such a rookie sometimes. "And what do we do with them?" "We interview them." Clap. Clap. Clap. Get it together, Deb! And try not to be such a dweeb.
It seems LaGuerta's just broken the news to Tucci's mom, who's quietly fiddling with a piece of napkin and crying. "Where is he?" she asks, and LaGuerta responds that the "entire force is looking" for Tony. Mama Tucci wants to know if she's sure it's Tony they're looking for, and Maria responds in the affirmative. Mama Tucci isn't pleased. LaGuerta ramps herself up for a long session of shit-eating, and starts, "Mrs. Tucci, I said some very harsh things about your son, and..." "Thank you." Um...right. Wait, huh? "'Thank you?' For what?" "For coming to tell me in person. Can you find my son's body?" "If it's the last thing I do. I've made a grave --" "Bring him home, please! I just want to bury my son." Yikes, dude. LaGuerta must feel like a lot of shame right now, for putting this poor lady through all this. I mean, it's not like she's the ITK, but she still sucks, and she still slandered this poor woman's son. Shut up, LaGuerta. Wipe that face off your head. Don't put me in the position of feeling bad for you.
At Rita's now, Dexter is carving a pumpkin for Halloween as Astor and Cody look on. As he talks about how much he loves Halloween, the kids start making grossed-out noises about the pumpkin innards, but help him empty the thing anyway. Dexter brings the pumpkin over the sink to wash it out, and we hear a dog crying and whimpering outside. "There he is again, Mom," says Astor, clearly exasperated. "My God, it's every night, now," says Rita, equally irritated, but also resigned. Dexter wants to know what's up with the poor mutt, and Rita says the neighbors leave it tied up outside all day and night, and that she'd say something, but she's kind of a wimp and doesn't want to start anything. The kids chime in about how sad it is, and how they can't sleep, which...try livin' in Brooklyn sometime, kiddos. Dexter asks, "Do you want me to say something?" but Rita demurs. Dexter insists, however, and some fun piano music comes on in the score, telling me that we're in for an awesome scene of Dexter interacting with some sort of asshole.
Dex makes his way to the neighbor's front porch, where a motion-detecting rubber skeleton jumps around and laughs as he passes by. He stops and admires it for a second, and rings the doorbell. A woman, seemingly in her mid-thirties, opens the door. "Hello," Dexter says cheerily. "I don't think we've met." "Boyfriend of the blonde next door?" she offers saltily. "I've seen you around. Look, I'm just getting in. I'm tired." Dexter tells her that's "precisely" why he's there. "We can't help but notice your dog...cries. A lot." Salty Asshole goes on to "explain" that her ex took off without the dog. "Trust me, I wish there was something I could do." Well, you could start by wiping that sarcastic grin off your shitty face, douchebag. Ahem. "You could, uh, take him inside." "Walter's an outside dog." "Hey, you put Walter inside, Walter's an inside dog," Dex replies, far more amiably than I would at this point. "He doesn't like being inside." At this, Dexter gets this face on him...I wish I could hug Michael C. Hall sometimes, because honestly, it's the nuances like this that make him so good. It's a very subtle shift, and his eyebrows crease ever so slightly, and now he's visibly annoyed. "Look, we'd really appreciate if you could find a way to keep him quiet. Kids are upset." "Maybe that's because they think their crackhead father's going to come back and beat their asses again." Ooh, not fucking cool! "You know what works for me? Earplugs." Salty then slams the door in Dexter's face, and he's...well, he's Dexter, and as he slowly walks back to Rita's place, he VOs, "I could make things so much easier for Rita...but that would be wrong." Yeah, I don't know, dude. Just kill her.
It's night, and some dude in a piece-of-crap werewolf mask roars like a douche and the girl he's with giggles, even though it's not even close to funny. Wow, that was unnecessarily harsh. "I love Halloween," Dexter VOs matter-of-factly. "The one time of year when everyone wears a mask, not just me." He's in a costume store, and some kid is trying on a George W. Bush mask. "People think it's fun to pretend you're a monster. Me, I spend my life pretending I'm not. Brother, friend, boyfriend...all part of my costume collection." Uh huh. Ah, I see. Rita's here, too, with the kids. They're all messing around, looking at costumes, playing with retractable knives. Referring to the kids, Dexter observes, "They're so excited." "Sure they are," says Rita. "They get to binge on sugar for an entire day. Who wouldn't love that?" Dexter wonders what Rita's going to go as, and holds up a standard witch costume as a suggestion. Rita says she'll probably just go as Snow White, as usual. "It's kind of a tradition." Whatever. Astor says that she's a princess, too, and Dexter agrees. Cody says he wants to be some Blue's Clues character. Joe, I think. Rita rolls her eyes, saying, "A rugby shirt is not a costume." Cool, I guess? See you guys. I'll be with...
...Dexter, the next day, who's staring at a soccer ball outside an office park. Not just any soccer ball, mind you, but one that is sitting next to a cleat-wearing severed foot. Hmm. "Another picture from my family album," Dex VOs. "He's recreating my past with Tony Tucci's body parts." Yeah, that's pretty sadistic. "Nobody's payin' you to stand around and goddamn stare!" Doakes chimes in, jolting Dexter back to reality. Dexter tries to remind him that "Angel was supposed to be working this case," but yet again, Doakes is more concerned with the intimidating-looking dudes from Guerrero's crew, who are back with their big truck, across the marsh, giving Doakes the ice-grill. "Friends of yours?" asks Dex, and Doakes quickly responds, "Don't worry about it. Worry about this." Dexter notes aloud the precise cuts, and Doakes wants to know why, after body after body with no blood, the ITK is changing it up. Dexter wings it: "He's trying to send a message. One that's more important than his ritual need to drain the blood and wrap the parts." "Okay, so what's the message?" "Not sure." "Well, who's he sendin' it to?" "I can't tell you that, either..." "Well, what fuckin' good are you?" Heh. Nice one, Doakes. Dexter's distraught, and puts his hand to his face. Angel asks him what's wrong, and he says, "He's mocking me." "Don't take it personally. Doakes hates all you lab geeks." "Who?" asks Dex, realizing that he almost just blew his cover to Angel. Whoops! Dexter moves in to grab the soccer ball as evidence, and when he does, another Polaroid is revealed, this time of the foot and ball together. After a long pause, Angel takes off, and Dex VOs, "He knows. He's not corrupting the happy Hallmark images of my youth. He's revealing the ugly truth behind them." Whoa, dude. How can he do that? He wasn't there , at the beach, listening in to your man-to-man with Harry. Or at this upcoming flashback, when you were at...
...soccer practice, teasing poor old Simon by playing keep-away with your "friends," using his jersey as bait. Harry puts an end to poor Simon's suffering by grabbing the jersey from Dexter and giving it back. He pulls Dexter aside all, "What the hell is going on?" Dexter explains that he's just trying to fit in by being a part of the team. "You can't be a bully, Dexter. First of all, it's wrong. Secondly, people remember bullies." It's true, Chad Delaney . You think I forgot that neck slap at the foursquare court? Eat shit and die , prick! Sorry. ["I'm not. We didn't call that dude 'Choad Del-anus' for nothing. Prick." -- Sars ] Anyway, Harry goes on to explain that to people like himself, "cops, a bully is a felony waiting to happen. So...?" "Blend in." Apparently, that's the right answer, because Harry smiles and sends Dexter back onto the field. I don't remember anyone taking a picture, though.
Over at the station, LaGuerta has an "assignment" for Deb. Deb wonders aloud if LaGuerta wants her to head out to the scene of the foot, but LaGuerta responds, "No." Instead, she wants Deb to sift through hours of video collected from all around the scene, which sounds like a pretty thankless and boring job. Damn, LaGuerta's really got it out for Deb, and Deb knows it. I do not envy her. She protests, "We have techs who can do this!" LaGuerta reminds her that techs don't have the critical eye that Deb does, and that she's taking a tremendous leap of faith trusting Deb with this assignment. Ugh, what an asshole.
Doakes comes in, huffing and puffing as usual. He heads to the break room for some coffee, and there's MacNamara, leaning against the wall like he's too cool for school, the prick. After a pregnant pause, he says, "Hey, Doakesie, what's up? Fuck anyone's wife lately?" Like, good one. "Thanks to your little chicken-shit stunt, I got Guerrero's guys tailin' me everywhere I go, you know that?" asks Doakes. "That's not good, James. You should contact the police," and again, ha ha. Really funny. Damn, dude, you suck! The rest of the conversation is pretty predictable: "You think this is funny? I'm gonna wind up dead." "You should have thought of that before you stuck your dick in my sister." "You're right, I should have waited until the divorce came through." Hey, now. Apparently, Cyril O'Reilly didn't know every last thing about his sister's marriage. "Bullshit," he says, not knowing what to believe. Doakes tells him to check the paperwork, and that it was Ricky's job to protect his wife. "You backed the wrong cop, asshole!" MacNamara looks like he feels like shit. Good. Damn cops.
At Rita's, it's time to get ready for school, but the kids are both staring listlessly into their cereal flakes. Rita doesn't need to ask, because the dog next door starts whining again, and it looks like Rita's had enough.
She knocks on Salty Asshole's door, and before opening the door, we can hear Salty yelling at the dog to shut up. Real nice. Rita immediately sees the twatty face that Salty is giving her, and launches into a diatribe about how her kids are exhausted and how she really needs Salty to take better care of her animal. Salty essentially laughs right in Rita's face. "Is something funny?" "No, it's sad. But, you're funny! Look at you, all tough!" Dude, I want to smack this bitch. Rita threatens to call the police, and Salty tells her that won't accomplish anything. It's like she's proud of being so inconsiderate, not to mention cruel to this poor animal. You know, I just remembered that Dexter likes to kill people! He should totally kill this woman! It's not like this dog could suffer any more. Rita walks away slowly, pausing to consider the dog through the fence. It seems like she has an idea...
Over at the station, Deb is working her way through surveillance footage as Dexter gets to work on the foot, VOing, "Unlike Harry, my new friend doesn't place much value on blending in. He wants me to see who he is and what he does. Everything about him is brazen, authentic. What does that make me?" I don't know. Discerning? Dexter drops a test tube, and exasps, "Crap!" Angel rolls up and tells Dex to not "let this asshole get to you, man," and continues to compliment him and tell him how much they need him. Then, out of nowhere, Angel busts out a little box with a hideous ring inside. Dexter asks if it's a butterfly, but Angel says that it's a diamond-studded four-leafed clover, which, geh. Ugly. Apparently he's giving it to Nina for their ten-year anniversary. Dexter congratulates him, and Angel begins to worry that "maybe it does look a little like a bug." Dexter is back in ITK world now, though, because he's just discovered that the blood flow around the severed hand and foot are consistent with them having been cut off while Tucci's heart was still pumping, which means he could still be alive.
They bring the news to LaGuerta, who's talking with Doakes about something. Dexter announces that he thinks "the Ice Truck Killer is keeping [Tucci] alive to perform amputations." He also goes on to explain that he thinks another body part is coming the following morning, as that would match the pattern of the first two. LaGuerta jumps up, and commands Doakes to put a task force together. Doakes, Angel, and Dexter all exit the room, and we're left with LaGuerta telling someone to "have Captain Matthews call me back immediately." She hangs up, pensively waits a minute, then picks up the phone again. Of course, she's calling Mrs. Tucci, once again jumping the gun without all the facts. "We believe your son is alive!" She then promises to find him, and I promise to stick an ice pick under my toenail if I have to watch this character completely fuck with this poor woman's mind any further.
Task force time, and Doakes is breakin' it down: "We've got a live body, now, people. We want to find Tucci while he's still breathin'. That means trying to find out where tomorrow's drop is, so we can catch our man in the act." Good call, Jimmy. That's right. "Jimmy." Do something about it, I dare you. When Doakes asks about the photos, all the cops standing around make feeble contributions, like, "Photos capture memories." Dexter is lightly amused by them: "I almost feel sorry for them, trying to put together a puzzle when they don't know pieces are missing from the box. Pieces he gave me . He wants me to play the game his way." Finally, Dexter chimes in to the meeting with something that won't implicate himself: "Change." Doakes is all, "Whaaaaat?" "The beach changed names, the office used to be a soccer field..." Doakes, understanding dawning on his face, says, "Okay, things that have changed." Other cops start spouting " this used to be that "s, and even Deb chimes in from her corner of video amazingness that "they turned Versace's mansion into a hotel." Dexter looks almost ashamed for having brought it up, but perhaps he was throwing them off so he could pursue his own agenda.
"I once was lost, but now I'm found," sings a girl at the church where Mrs. Tucci is holding vigil for her son. LaGuerta walks in, and catches Mrs. Tucci's eye. They meet in the aisle, and Mrs. Tucci asks, "Anything?" Maria shakes her head. Mrs. Tucci tells her she's glad that she could make it, and LaGuerta responds that she's just there to show support. All of a sudden, despite LaGuerta's protests, Mrs. Tucci introduces her to the entire congregation, and it's very awkward. "This is the policewoman who's trying to find Tony!" "Well, actually, a lot of us are looking!" "You brought us together by giving us hope." Yeah, way to go, LT. Who are you to give false hope? What if Tony's rotting in a cave somewhere? You don't know! ...Yeesh, I don't know, you guys. This could spell trouble for LaGuerta. Not that I care, it's just...more killing, Dexter! Anyway, Mrs. Tucci gives Maria her St. Anthony necklace. Apparently he was the patron saint of the lost. They embrace, and Mrs. Tucci implores her again to find her son.
At the station, LaGuerta is telling Doakes how she tried apologizing to Mrs. Tucci for crucifying Tony before she had all the facts, but "couldn't get a word in edgewise." "Who is that going to help, her or you?" Doakes asks perceptively. "Leave that woman alone with her candles and 'Kumbaya.'" Heh. I mean, shut up, Doakes. He goes on, changing the subject to the task force and where he has his men set up. "So what now?" "Now, you go home," she tells him. "You've gotten the shit kicked out of you all day." "I kind of prefer it here with you. You're the only person people seem to hate more than me!" Ha, yeah. I know I do. They share a chuckle, and both move to take off. As they leave, they shut the light on Deb, who's still in her little corner watching video footage. "Hey!" she shouts. "Morgan? Call me on my cell if you come across anything!" Deb gives her a mocking "yes, ma'am" face, and turns back to her footage. That sucks. I kind of miss Deb this episode. We've barely seen her at all.
When Doakes gets home, two more of Guerrero's guys are sitting in a car on the street, watching him. Doakes goes out there to confront them, but they take off in the car as Doakes says, "You want a piece of me? Asshole!" I feel like "you want a piece of me" is kind of trite wording, but I'd also expect that of Doakes, so fair enough, writers. Fair enough.
Over with Dexter, who's flipping through some more family photo albums while on the phone with Deb, who's offering a million dollars for clues to where the next body part is going to land. Dexter says he has no clue, and plus, "you don't have a million dollars." "I'll steal it from evidence. I've been stuck in a goddamn fishbowl all day. I wanna be part of the hunt! Look, I know you made a list of locations, just pick your favorite spot and we'll stake it out together!" This strikes something in Dexter, and he VOs, "My favorite spot, of course." He finds the right page in the album, and tells Deb he has to go. He's found a picture of his younger self at a landfill, standing next to a palm tree with a smiley face carved on the trunk.
After a small VO about how he used to find the tractor noise and compressed garbage "soothing," we see him standing at the tree the next morning, the landfill replaced with new structures. "But it wasn't condos back then. This has to be the right place. So what am I missing?" He begins looking around for clues, and under a nearby bush, he sees a head. Dexter slowly walks over to the bush, and it turns out to just be a sleeping bum. His phone rings, and it's dispatch. He's been called to the McCaffrey Pumpkin Patch. He knows exactly where it is.
And...it's flashback time! Obviously at the pumpkin patch just mentioned, teenaged Dex 'n' Deb are with Harry on the flatbed of a hay ride truck. Deb and Dexter start having a hay fight, which looks...itchy, honestly. Harry tells them to stop hacking around, and some older dude offers to take a picture of all three of them. As they lean in for the picture, Harry says, "It's great to see you having such a great time, Dex." "Are you kidding me? This hay's giving me a total allergy attack and we're just going around in circles on a pumpkin patch. I don't get it." They all smile, but Harry's is the forced one this time.
Dexter arrives at the pumpkin patch, which is now a crime scene. LaGuerta informs him that it's "ankle to knee. He's moving up the leg." Uh oh. Doesn't sound so good for Mr. Tucci. As Dexter starts pulling out his investigative gear, Deb shows up, and LaGuerta's not amped to see her. "Unless you're toting a portable DVD player, you'd better be finished watching the security footage." Deb tells her she's on break, thus on her own time, thank you very much. LaGuerta reminds her that her shift starts in two hours, so she should head back to the station. Totally ignoring her, Deb goes over to Dexter and asks, "Hey, didn't Dad bring us here when we were kids?" "I don't remember. But she's right about the traffic." Frustrated, Deb takes off as Angel and Dexter examine the leg portion. Dexter notices that there's no sign of infection where the foot was cut off, "like he gave Tucci prophylactic antibiotics before amputating." "At least he's looking after his patient," says Angel before busting out a different gift he's gotten for his wife, a necklace with an "O" and an "X" on it, representing hugs and kisses for those of you who have spent your entire lives in a cave with your eyes shut and your hands over your ears. "Ox?" asks Dexter upon seeing it, once again making Angel totally second-guess himself. "No...fuck! Xs and Os." "Like tic-tac-toe?" "No, like hugs and kisses. Diamond-filled hugs and kisses...in a white-gold setting?" Aw, I love Angel. He's so insecure! But why is he so worried about this anniversary? His wife should understand, right? It's the thought that counts.
Over at Rita's, Dexter's dropping off Cody and Astor, who want to know where Rita is. Dexter explains that she had errands to run before the tricking and/or treating extravaganza that evening. Astor tells him they're too tired to go, which is bullshit because she's, like, nine, and that's just impossible. Cody continues, "It was that damn dog!" and Dexter reprimands him lightly for using grown-up language. "Besides, I don't think that dog will be bothering you anymore." "How do you know?" asks Cody. "Because I took that dog's owner and chopped her into little bits and threw those bits into the ocean. I then catapulted that dog into outer space, using the world's biggest catapult, to which I have access, being connected to the MDPD as I am." He actually doesn't say that, which is a shame, sort of. He says, "My mystic powers told me." Astor mentions that she heard Lindsay Lohan say "damn," and Dexter grabs her by the throat and throttles her, saying over and over, "She's not a role model! She's not a role model !" until the end of the episode. Okay, that's also a raging lie. But Dex does take her aside to say, "Okay, I'll make you a deal. When you become a rock star, you can say 'Damn,' too." Just then, we hear a woman's voice shouting, "Walter! Walter!" Oh, this should be good. Salty Asshole busts out of her fence, and immediately trains her eyes on Dexter. "Where's my dog? What'd you do with it?" "It"? You suck. I think it's a "he." Dexter raises his arms up and makes the "duh-I-dunno" face as some really happy music comes on the score and we see...
...Rita, who's driving the dog around in her newly-acquired Christ-mobile. It seems that she's arranged for Walter to take up with a new family who actually wants him, because when she stops the car, a mother and her two girls run up and instantly start playing with him. As soon as he's in their arms, he shuts up, and the whole scene is not only mega-cute, but also rad for Rita because this is the first time we've seen her asserting herself like this. The mother tells Rita, "You did a good thing. Thank you." Rita looks overjoyed to have dealt with the situation so productively (albeit illegally, but she's got the law on her side). I'm kind of sad that Dexter isn't going to have to kill Salty after all. Sigh.
Speak of the devil and he appears! As we get way too familiar with Dexter's pores (thanks, Showtime HD), he VOs that "Harry was the only one who saw me., really saw me, so he taught me to hide, and that's what's kept me safe." He's looking over the 3D models of Tucci's body parts on his laptop. "But sometimes, I'm not sure where Harry's vision of me ends and the real me starts. If I'm just a collection of learned behaviors, bits and pieces of Harry, maybe my new friend is right. Maybe I am a fraud." Hmm; good points, all. There's a knock at his door that he clearly doesn't expect, so he shuts his laptop and heads over to the door. Hey, it's Rita! Immediately suspicious at this unannounced visit, Dexter queries her as to the whereabouts of her offspring. Apparently, they're "passed out in a sugar coma at Colleen's." I can't wait to actually meet this Colleen person. Well, that's not true; I can probably wait. Anyway, Rita asks to come in. "Oh, yeah. Sorry," says Dexter, noticing that's she's got on a trench coat, which...really? In Miami? Maybe I'm misunderstanding Florida, but isn't it basically always ass-hot down there? Dexter says, "I must warn you, I haven't really been myself lately," and Rita suggests that perhaps she could "cheer" him up as she begins to untie the strap on her coat. Wait, dude, she's wearing gloves? What the...? Oh, I see. It's Halloween, and she's dressed as Lara Croft, Tomb Raider. And she pulls it off, I don't mind telling you, boy. Now, I've interviewed Ms. Benz , and I have the utmost respect for her, but she looks smoooooking hot. Yikes. I just bit my fist. That's right.
Dexter's reaction is...well, it's certainly not as enthusiastic as mine. "Whoa." "Trick or treat!" "You look great. Who are you?" Dude! I guess you've been too busy murdering to pay attention to anything ever, because...really? Really? "Lara Croft?" she says. "Tomb Raider!" "Ah," says Dex, still not getting it. "You raid tombs dressed like that?" Heh -- okay, fair enough. It seems that Rita is "sick of Snow White." I see. And I like-y! After a little banter about her "errand" earlier that afternoon, she plants a big old kiss on our leading man. "It felt so good rescuing that dog." "You upset your neighbor." "Fuck her." Hell yeah! Fuck her right in the ear! Way to go, Rita! Anyway, she says she imagines he deals with people like her neighbor all the time, and he responds, "Worse." "Is that why you haven't been yourself lately?" He tells her that he's got a case he can't get out of his mind, and she offers to help...with a raging blowjob! Woo hoo! As she heads south of the border towards Dexter's, uh, downtown bonanza, he asks, "What are you doing?" "Whatever I want," she answers, and smiles, and is the cutest thing ever. I could eat her for breakfast. You'd think now would be a good time for Dexter to shut the fuck up and enjoy the moment, but no. He just has to voice-over. "I've come to enjoy the comfortable moments with Rita. The easy, quiet moments. This? Might be better." Right. "Might be." Trust me, Dex. It's better. Jeez.
Over at the station, Deb is still watching the surveillance tapes as Angel comes in, dressed to the nines and wearing a zoot suit that actually looks pretty sharp. "Where's your brother?" he asks Deb, to which she replies, "I'm not his keeper." Heh. He pulls out yet another piece of jewelry and asks her opinion. It's a diamond-encrusted key necklace. "It's a key to my heart. You see, it's a key, that's also shaped like a heart. I'm not gonna take it back." "It's perfect, Angel. She'll love it," says Deb. The relief on his face is instant. "Really?" "I would." Aw, Deb. He asks her how he looks, and she responds with a couple of "Woo"s and "Mmm"s, and the whole scene is pretty damn cute. Angel's awesome, and I guess Deb can be, too, sometimes. It was nice of her to see what he was fishin' for and just give it to him.
Apparently at his own house, now, Angel shuts the door behind him as his wife comes out to see who it is. "Angel," she says suspiciously, leading me to believe there's more to this "anniversary" story than we initially thought. "Happy anniversary, baby." "You know you can't just walk in here, anymore." Oh, no. As instant as his relief was a minute ago, so is his heartbreak now. Oh, poor guy. "I just thought...our anniversary...maybe tonight, we could put all that behind us." "It doesn't matter what night it is. I told you I need time." "It's been three months, baby. How much time do you need?" Really! I mean, the guy obviously realizes that whatever he did was wrong; just forgive him, already! He's a good guy! Look at that face! "After what you did, Angel, I need as much time as I need." Must've been pretty bad. As he heads out the door, Nina stops him and asks him if he wants to see his daughter, whose name I can't understand and my closed captioning can't either, Time Warner . Ahem. So, Angel goes and kisses his daughter while she sleeps, and he mutters, " Lo siento , lo siento ," over and over. I think he's sorry about something. His wife looks kind of sorry, too. And, although Julie Benz thinks that shows like Dexter don't tell you how to think, I think The American Beauty Piano Of Ultimate Emotional Manipulation would disagree. Angel takes the necklace he bought his wife and puts it on his daughter's lampshade, gets up, thanks his wife-ish, and leaves. Aw, poor Angel. What happened with them?
Back with Dexter and Rita, who are sharing a post-fellatial (?) embrace. "That was...unexpected," says Dex. "Yeah, for me, too," Rita replies. I don't believe her. Anyway, they make more meaningless small talk about "unexpected" things, and Rita reluctantly says she has to get back to the kids. As she grabs her purse, she reveals a few of the photographs that Dexter's been revisiting during the episode. Rita comments on how cute Dexter was, and how Harry had a nice face, "just like you." "I was adopted." "I know, but you're both good men. I can tell." Then, looking at the soccer photograph (ah, so there was one!), she remarks, "How poetic." "Poetic? It's a soccer game." "Yeah, but look at your dad's shadow. It's like he's always watching over you. I'd frame this one." At this, she moves to go, but Dexter is in Dexterland, doing what Dexter does best: realizing shit. "All this time, the answer was right here," he VOs. "Harry, photographer and foster-father extraordinaire. He is always with me. And he's the common denominator." "Rita, you're a genius," Dexter says, and kisses her goodnight.
After she's gone, he's looking over his old photos and VOing again: "All those years of smiling for the camera...it was empty and fake, the pictures meaningless. Until now. Pictures of Harry..." What is it, Dexter? What've you got? He pulls out one picture of himself and Harry standing in front of Angel of Mercy Hospital, and I smell a flashback coming...
Yes ! I was totally right. Harry is showing Dexter the hospital where his father, Dexter's grandfather, worked for thirty years. "He started out as a janitor, worked his way up to chief of maintenance. This place put food on our table. Two weeks, it'll all be shut down." Ah, I see. Harry asks a passing lady to take a picture of himself with Dexter, hence the photo we just saw. As the woman walks towards them, Harry doubles over. Dexter asks, "Hey, are you okay?" "Yeah, bad medianoches for lunch, that's all." If you don't know what medianoches are, they're like Cuban sandwiches but they're served on sweet eggy bread, like challah bread. Anyway, by the time the woman gets over to them, Harry has decided that he's not in the mood for the picture after all, but Dexter persuades him. "Don't be a baby. Being part of a family means smiling for family photos, right?" See what they did there? How they came around full circle? Pretty special, that was.
Back in Dexter's apartment, he flips the photo over to reveal a smiley face drawn on the back, the same smiley face on the tree trunk at the landfill that got turned into condos where nothing happened. Damn , this guy's good! "My friend left this," Dex VOs. Well, duh. "He's showing me where to go." Again, duh. "Am I going because that's what he wants, or because that's what Harry would want? What do I want?" I think you want to go over there, bro! Get crackin'!
Doakes is back at his house, and it seems like a similar setup to before when Geurrero's guys were giving him non-verbal guff. Predictably, a couple of guys jump him, put a bag over his head, and club him a couple of times for good measure. Yikes. Well, that was fast.
Now at the dilapidated Angel of Mercy Hospital, Dexter's getting ready for an exciting evening. "Hospital's shut down now, abandoned for years. But tonight, it's visiting hours again." Hell yeah it is! I think he's going to break in, you guys. I think someone is expecting him...
Guerrero is leaning against his car as the two thugs who just kidnapped Doakes roll up and pop the trunk. After Doakes has been thrown on the ground and had the cover removed from his face, Guerrero says, "Hello James. Why'd you have to be such a pain in the ass, eh?" Doakes tries to get up, and a severe beating ensues. Okay, now I know he can sometimes put the "prick" in "prickly," but I definitely feel bad for James Doakes right now. I would not want to be at the mercy of a Miami crime lord. Not cool at all.
At Angel of Mercy, Dexter is snooping around in the dark with a flashlight, having successfully gained entrance somehow. Of course, there are rats, and the whole place looks pretty dank. Suddenly, Dexter hears some muffled cries, and moves in their direction.
Guerrero tells Doakes to get up, now that's he been sufficiently thrashed. "You traumatize my little girl in church? Break the knees of my best earner? You're a wild dog, sergeant." And, as he pulls out a pistol, "The only thing to do with a wild dog is..." Apparently, he was about to say "get blasted in the shoulder by someone who's arrived to save the day at the last minute," because that's what happens. Who wants to bet it's MacNamara? ...Jackpot! "Police! Hands in the air!" he yells, and without hesitation blasts one of Guerrero's men. Doakes must be really strong, because he takes out the other guy with just one punch. MacNamara: "I thought you could use some backup." He proceeds to tell Guerrero that now that they've caught him going after a cop, he's theirs. Doakes realizes aloud, "This was the plan all along? Use me as bait to bring down Guerrero?" "Yeah, and now my sister can rest in peace. We're done now, Doakes. We're even." As they collect Guerrero and his thugs, Doakes is left to either appreciate his life or hate MacNamara, or both. I really hope this storyline is over, because it's really not been that cool.
Dexter enters a large and disgusting room, and discovers a man lying on a cot on the floor below. He's blindfolded, and he's missing his left hand and the bottom half of his right leg. I wonder if this is Tucci! Just kidding. It's totally Tucci. Dexter runs down, and stops at the bed, quietly analyzing what he's seeing. "Please," says Tucci, clearly having heard Dex's footsteps. "Just do it. Kill me. I'm ready. Just don't cut me anymore." While he speaks, Dexter looks around at all the instruments, and I can't tell if he's just fascinated with the scene, or if he's actually thinking about putting this guy out of his misery. "Gift-wrapped, and begging for death, tools at the ready," Dexter VOs. "He was left here so I would kill him. But my new friend doesn't see me as clearly as he thinks. I can't kill this man: Harry wouldn't want it, and neither would I." A clanging noise from above makes Dexter wheel around, and a flash bulb goes off. The figure behind the camera, clearly the ITK, takes off. Dexter gives chase, but as soon as he reaches the top of the stairs, he finds the Polaroid camera, with the new picture sticking out of it.
Over with Deb, who's still going over surveillance footage. A woman from the front desk comes in, and hands her a message from dispatch. It says, "Tucci...Angel of Mercy Hospital -- Basement." Deb asks who it's from, but the lady's already gone.
Back at the abandoned hospital, Tucci's already being wheeled out on a gurney, and there's all kinds of police vehicles and lights everywhere. As Tucci passes Deb and Dex standing on the lawn. She's punching him jovially on the arm, excited about her "accomplishment." Captain Astor walks up and says, "I don't know who your contacts are, Morgan, but you are my up-and-comer. You saved a man's life tonight." "I was just the one who got the call, sir." "Yeah, but you followed it up." Oh, great. Fucking LaGuerta's here. "Where are we at?" she wants to know. Astor tells her that Morgan's tip was good, and that Tucci's headed over to the county hospital. "Alive?" LaGuerta wants to know. Astor responds affirmatively, pats Deb on the shoulder, and takes his leave. Dexter chimes in, "So, I suppose this gets Deb off of surveillance tape duty?" "Really?" LaGuerta responds, sardonically. "Is that what you suppose?" God, why does she have to be like that? Ugh. Before she can continue the dick parade that is her life, Angel interrupts, saying that he got her page. LaGuerta tells him since Doakes is caught up with the Guerrero bust, he's taking point on this, and that she wants significant forensic evidence. She tells him to "use Morgan here," referring to Deb.
As LaGuerta gets into her car, she sees Mrs. Tucci at her son's side outside the ambulance, and I can't really gauge her reaction. I'm actually a bit more concerned about why that dude isn't being rushed to the hospital.
Dexter's back in the car, VO-ing, "Everyone hides who they are, at least some of the time." As we see LaGuerta lighting a candle in church: "Sometimes you bury that part of yourself so deeply that you have to be reminded it's there at all." As we watch MacNamara celebrating his Guerrero victory with Doakes looking on, doing paperwork: "Sometimes you just want to forget who you are, altogether."
At the DexPad 2000, Dexter is at his air conditioner, pulling the face off and grabbing his blood slides, while VO-ing, "And what about me? Maybe I'll never be the human Harry wanted me to be." Now, looking at the picture of himself from earlier that evening: "But I couldn't kill Tony Tucci. That's not me, either. My new friend thought I wouldn't be able to resist the kill he left for me, but I did." As he lights the picture on fire: "I'm not the monster he wants me to be." Interesting, Dex. Maybe you're not totally the monster you fancy yourself, either. "So, I'm neither man nor beast. I'm something new entirely. My own set of rules. I'm Dexter." He blows out the burning picture, the only evidence of his being at the crime scene before leaving Deb her "tip," and I imagine it must smell really gross. As he does so, we go to black, and we're all left wondering why he felt the need to get his slides out. He didn't even kill anybody this episode, which kind of makes me sad, but also makes me feel like he has to kill someone next time!