The Facts
Updated 2009-07-19 08:14:56
There are no previouslies, either because so much happened on this show between when this episode was actually supposed to air (in late November) and now that previouslies wouldn't make sense, or because they realize it's futile since no one's going to be watching these burn-off episodes anyway. So, we jump right in with the New York City skyline. Then Rena Sofer is ringing the Darlings' doorbell. Clark answers, and she says she's "Kate Scott. Scandalous magazine." Well, at least they put it right out there in the title, right? Clark tries to brush her off, since the Darlings aren't home, but she sticks her foot in the closing door. Apparently the Darlings are away for Thanksgiving. Kate says she has a story about the Darlings and wants to check some facts. Clark tries to act like it's of no concern to the Darlings until she claims it's not a puff piece or pictures of Karen's "ya-yas." She says it's about family betrayal, criminal cover-ups, and murder. Clark pretends he's just the chauffer who doesn't see much, but she's not buying it. He reluctantly lets her in. She thinks the house is amazing, but he pretends it's just a family home. Wow, this is riveting. She says this will only take 20 minutes to an hour, and then starts recording and asking questions.
Her first question: She heard that before Letitia was arrested for Dutch's murder, the police were investigating someone else. Clark says they should have stayed focused on that person, since Letitia was found innocent. Kate says the other suspect was Tripp, but Clark says he was never under investigation, and she should check her sources. Kate says Patrick investigated his own father while he was attorney general, and the investigation mysteriously went away. Clark says she's half right. There was an investigation, but it wasn't about Dutch's murder. We go into a flashback in which Tripp's served a subpoena in "the Fantini Brothers case." Clark continues that Tripp needed the trial to go away, and the fact that it was brought by Patrick made it even more important.
In a fancy office, Nick says he can try to quash it, but Tripp says trying isn't good enough. He tells Nick and Brian he cannot walk into the courtroom. Brian wonders why, and Nick says, "They're mobsters, Brian." Tripp says their dealings with the Fantini brothers have always been above-board, and pristine, but if he's called to bear witness, the brothers will do everything in their power to make the court believe their corruption stems from the Darlings. Nick says he'll take care of it, then he sort of half-heartedly says "We," so that Brian doesn't feel left out.
The brothers (George, not Fantini) pay Patrick a visit in his office. They try to convince him to drop the case instead of having a lengthy trial, but Patrick says the Fantini brothers didn't want the plea deal he already offered. Brian jumps in screaming that Patrick needs to drop the case. Nick hushes him, and Patrick says asking him to do that is obstruction of justice. Brian asks him to drop the prissy tone since they're talking about their father. Patrick awesomely responds he can talk like Clint Eastwood if Brian would like, but his hands are tied as far as the case goes. Nick says we all know that Patrick is only going against the brothers (Fantini, not George or Darling) to hurt Tripp. Patrick ends the conversation and sends them out of his office.
Nick's doing something in his office when Brian barges in. Nick tells him he's called the judge's office, is waiting to hear on an injunction ruling, and now has to get home and see his daughter for dinner. Brian thinks it must be nice to accomplish nothing and go home with so much money. Nick says he's on it, but Brian says, actually, he's on it. He's going to Jersey to talk to the Fantini brothers and get them to make a deal. Nick wonders how Brian was ever a minister, and Brian asks him if he's ever read the Bible, because "It's full of aggravating people that get things done. Check it out." Clark goes on that when Brian gets an idea in his head...
And we're inside a strip club, apparently in Jersey, where Brian's meeting with some old gangster types. Brian asks them to make a deal and make this case go away. He says if they don't, they're going to end up rotting in his prison where they belong. He threatens to call Patrick to make sure they both go to jail for a long time. Clark narrates that he makes it policy to stay out of the family business, but Brian was in way over his head. He calls Nick, who heads to the strip joint. He's there only a couple seconds before he's talked the brothers into brokering the deal Brian couldn't. It's all about how much they trust Nick, simply because he's Dutch's son. That means so much coming from shady strip-club owners/gangsters. Clark ogles the strippers, and Nick has to call him twice to get him to leave. I'm not sure why Clark left that part in the story he's telling the hot reporter, but whatever.
Clark says that now all Nick had to do was to get Patrick to broker a deal that the Fantini brothers would accept. In this case, it involves Carmelita. Patrick had been having trouble with her: She'd flown the coop on Patrick's election night, so Nick tracked her down to get Patrick to cooperate. Nick mentions her name, and Patrick wants to know where to find her. Nick says he's not giving Patrick her number unless Patrick retracts the subpoena and makes the Fantini brothers a deal they'll accept. Patrick tells them they've sunk to a new low, using Carmelita, but he totally agrees to do it, and even signs Nick's statement saying he'll do it. Patrick wonders what's happened to Nick, but signs away.
Back in the "present" of the episode, which is now a month old in the context of the show, and eight months old in our lives (confused yet?), Clark says that was it, and would the pretty reporter please leave now. But she's not ready. She's been hearing some rumors about Ellen's death and Clark's involvement in a potential cover-up. Clark says it's ridiculous and she has no proof of anything. She says that's true, but if he doesn't cooperate, she'll make damn sure she finds some. But, you know, if he just feeds her some bullshit stories, she'll stop looking for proof. That's just the kind of high-quality reporter she is. Commercials.
Back with Clark and Rena Sofer. Apparently, she's blackmailed him into talking more. She says her next question is "Karen." He rightly says that's not a question. He pours her some champagne, since she's "parched." Rena says that she heard Karen almost broke off her engagement to Simon because of Nick. Clark says she did almost break it off, but it's back on now. Oh, and it had nothing to do with Nick. Clark says the ex stirring up trouble wasn't Nick.
We're farther in the past, where Karen and Simon are talking while they do yoga together. She is nervous about meeting Simon's 16-year-old son. They're going to have lunch the next day at 2 p.m. He says his ex-wife is going to cook for them, for Elon's sake and all. Karen obviously isn't happy about this, as she tells her mom later, as they eat ice cream in bed. Letitia thinks if Karen and Simon can overcome corporate espionage, they can talk this through. Karen calls Simon later and suggests it's just the three of them for lunch: Elon, Simon, and Karen, with no Alma. Simon agrees. At lunch the next day, Karen talks colleges with Elon. Then Alma walks in, looking just like Gina Torres . She's just there to return Elon's learner's permit, though. For some reason, this makes Elon run outside. Simon follows him, so it's just Karen and Alma. Karen tells her she's beautiful, but Alma says she's just here as the mother of Simon's child, but Karen's beautiful. Karen tells Alma she and Simon had sex three times that morning.
Karen was apparently mad after that, but Simon was still clueless. He calls her to invite her to brunch later. She says she could clear her schedule, but he says it's brunch with Alma. She says no, because she met someone last night and is having brunch with him and his ex-wife, his stepmom, and his kindergarten crush. She'd love to invite him along, but that would be weird. Karen's walking down the street later when Simon stops her and says he's persistent. She corrects: "stalkerish." Simon says he talked to Alma, and is going to limit their relationship to just co-parenting Elon. He tells her there are reasons he and Alma aren't together, but Karen's the first woman he's really cared about in a long time. They kiss. Awwww. Clark's all, "See! Nick had nothing to do with it." And he would like to go stuff the Thanksgiving turkey now. But Rena's having none of it, because she also heard Letitia tried to jump bail and flee the country after her arrest (her source is the booking officer). She says only guilty people do that. She menacingly tells him to admit Letitia's a murderer. He looks sheepish, and we go to commercial. That gives him time to spin his next yarn.
Clark says he can clear it all up: She did have bail problems, but didn't try to flee. He says Letitia was put under house arrest, and started getting restless at some point. We flash back to Letitia walking a mastiff as Clark drives next to her and tells her she has to come back, because this is against her house arrest. She says she needs her walk, and she can't wait to see the Ferragamo fashion show next week. Police show up, of course, and arrest her again. Clark says it's moments like these where Nick really earns his money. Back at the house, Nick tells Letitia she can't leave the house again. She drinks a martini, which she says she's earned for being arrested for walking her dog. He asks her to just cooperate and stay in the house. He asks Clark if he understands. He does. Letitia throws a pillow and says she was looking forward to the fashion show. She feels like she's under arrest. Nick points out she is, and she says she knows, but now she feels that way. She asks for the phone number to the Ferragamo people. She's going to bring the fashion show to her, and invite all her friends.
As she plans the show, she gets all excited. She says Ferragamo's sending models and their spring collections, and she's invited 200 friends and their families. Karen says she'll try to make it. Models in underwear ask to change in Tripp's office. He tells them "no." That was just gratuitous underwear. As Letitia's getting ready, Brian breaks the news that only eleven of her friends came. He calls them "sycophant suckwads," and tells her he's sorry. Even the reporter almost feels sorry for her. Clark says, "Then don't run the story." But emphasis is on "almost." But Letitia didn't call off the fashion show. The family and Letitia's eleven friends watch the models. At the end of it, one of Letitia's "friends" stands up and tells her what a horrible person she is, with her unwholesome behavior, which has cast a shadow over all women of substance. She thinks Letitia should be ashamed. Letitia passes out on the runway. Tripp runs to her as we go to commercial.
Clark and our intrepid reporter are snacking on fruit. Clark says they rushed Letitia to the hospital, when Nola Lyons showed up to arrest Letitia for violating house arrest again. Nick says that her life was at stake, which is a justifiable reason to violate house arrest. Nola's skeptical since she's at a rejuvenation center. Nola pushes, and brings up the dog-walking, but Nick points out that since the Darlings own their entire block, she can walk up and down the block. And if she arrests her again, he'll have a mistrial declared. Rena thinks Clark has a convenient explanation for everything. She also tells him he's cute, but wonders what's up with the moustache. He'd rather stick to the article.
She asks where Juliet is. He claims "vacation" for the whole year, since she's chosen a life of leisure. Rena heard Tripp had her institutionalized. Clark caves and says Juliet's with a boy she met on vacation: His name's Kai. Clark says all the trouble started when Juliet decided to lose her virginity with Kai. We flash back to Juliet declaring tonight the night with Kai. She's waited 25 years for the right guy and the right moment. Back in the "present," Rena pauses her recorder to point out her skepticism that Juliet's a virgin. Clark asks if she wants to know what happened or not. She does. Back in the flashback, Juliet has "the girls" together to swap first-time stories. Karen's was in Central Park with Nick, but she promised not to tell where. Natalie says she did it with the pool boy at their house in Palm Springs. They had a thing all summer, which was very colonial. Karen loves that. Letitia isn't sure she wants to share, but Juliet talks her into it. So she admits it was her wedding night and was very sweet, and that's all she'll say. I think someone's lying.
Clark says Juliet went through with it with Kai. We see them post-sex. She asks how it was, and he says good. She gets him to say great. Then she says she feels like they just sang a song that no one's ever heard and they're the only ones who will ever know it. He thinks that's sweet, but then his phone rings and he has to go out for awhile. She freaks out, since they hadn't even finished cuddling yet. She gets all insecure that she might be doing something wrong, but he says it was perfect and he'll see her later. Later that day when Kai came back, Juliet grilled him on where he's been. She thinks he's been with another girl. She says keeping secrets isn't sexy and takes off. Juliet goes to her mother, and tells her what happened. Actually, she tells her she's not very good at sex and asks for advice. Letitia's advice: "Sex is like riding a horse." First you get to know it, then you love it, then you learn to jump it higher and higher, and you take wonderful adventures with it. But you have to become one with your house. Letitia advises practice, practice, practice. Juliet smiles and leaves.
Kai finds Juliet on the roof later and tells her he knows she's angry. He came to apologize. She says it's not enough, since he's keeping secrets. He says she's right and tells her what he was doing today. He's ready to trust her now. He lied to her the night they met, when he said his uncle was a fisherman. His uncle is actually "Jean-Pierre Desjardins, former president of the Coquilles Islands." She says "No way," but he's not kidding. But unfortunately, the prime minister led a coup d'etat, so he was meeting with a diplomat today who might help them. They kiss. So Juliet leaves with Kai to go help liberate the freedom fighters at the Coquilles Islands. She calls Jeremy to tell him goodbye (and so that he could get a brief moment in the episode). He tries to talk her into staying, but she won't. Rena wonders if Juliet will ever come back home, but Clark says that's classified for military reasons.
Speaking of classified, Rena's having a hard time getting her hands on a famously unaired interview of Patrick with Dan Rather. Clark says the network probably didn't run it because there was a better story. Rena says the network shelved it because Dan Rather asked Patrick uncomfortable questions about the night Ellen "accidentally died" in the fire. Rena wonders if he confessed to killing his wife in the interview. Commercials. Then we're back in the same place. Clark thinks Rena's ideas of the Darlings' power are crazy since they couldn't keep the lid on a taped murder confession. She says she'll run the story with his denial and possible involvement. Suddenly, he remembers the interview. It wasn't about Ellen's death, but about a book. He tosses a book called "Dreams of My Mother" with Patrick on the cover onto the table as we flash back.
The Darling family publicist approaches Patrick to tell him that his mother needs to be rescued because of that same book. He says he wrote it years ago. The publicist says he wrote about his mother's "passionate fury" in it, and that takes on a whole new meaning under the glare of murder choices. The publicist has interviews all lined up for him to spin it in a different way. He says he'll get back to her on that. But then we see him talking to Dan Rather. He's reading from his book about his mother's passionate fury about the arts, which has nothing to do with violence. Dan Rather acknowledges it's sickening how these things can be taken out of context. He brings up a story from Patrick's childhood when his mother gave him a kitten. Patrick's like, "Yes. Snowball." But Dan Rather says no, it was Cesar Trunzo, and he swore he'd name all his cats after New York Senators. Patrick looks nervous and says, "Well, there were so many cats..." Dan Rather says he never met a Senator named Snowball, and then asks Patrick if he really didn't write the book. Patrick looks dumbstruck.
Back in the "present," Rena says this story -- the newly elected Senator of New York is a plagiarist -- will do. Clark says she can't print that since he told her this in confidence. She says they didn't have a deal. He tells her to go ahead and print these stories, but if she stays quiet, he'll feed her the front-page good stuff as it happens. She questions him, but he says, "Would I lie to you?" She shakes his hand and says it sounds like a win-win. He escorts her to the elevator, where she tells him "Happy Thanksgiving" before going downstairs. He walks alone back to the room they'd done all their talking in, and takes a look at a bottle of Fantini Brothers wine, which they were drinking when he came up with that part of the story. Then he sees a newspaper ad that says "King Elon's," which is how he came up with Simon's 16-year-old son. He picks up a Ferragamo tie off the arm of the couch and puts it on, which led to the Ferragamo fashion show story. Then he sees a piece of sheet music on the piano titled "Coquilles Sonata," which led him to the islands. It's by Jean-Pierre Desjardins. There's a book called "My Kitten Snowball" under Patrick's autobiography on the table. The Darling phone rings, and Clark answers. He tells "Mr. Darling" that everything's been quiet and there's nothing to worry about. He wishes the family a Happy Thanksgiving, and that's it. So, that episode ended and absolutely nothing had advanced even a bit in the plot. Thank God we finally got to see that, right?
DeAnn is a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com .
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