The Injured Party
Updated 2008-11-20 09:07:36
Previously on ... oh, right, there are no previouslies, because they hope we don't remember that this show used to actually be good. But they made these changes to save the show, right? And how's that working out for them, exactly? Well then .
Standard skyline shots to make us believe L.A. is New York. Then we're in Simon's. He's shaving shirtless -- and, can I just say, more shirtless Blair Underwood and this show might actually get uncancelled -- while Karen showers in his bathroom. She loves his shower, blah, blah, blah, fake relationship cakes. Her phone rings in the other room, and because he is moustache-twirlingly evil, he goes to get it. He answers and it's Nick. Of course. Nick doesn't want to leave a message. Simon acts sinister. And then he deletes the call, so Karen doesn't know it was Nick. He tells her it was a wrong number, and she asks him to come into the shower. They get it on, as her hand pressed against the shower door clearly indicates.
Nick tells Kiki she can talk to him about what's happening, so she asks if he still loves mom. He beats around the bush, saying that's a hard thing to talk about. Luckily, Lisa walks up before he has to, and he hands off Kiki. It's very civil and grown-up between Nick and Lisa, which I would trust if this were last season. But it's not. Nick invites Lisa on a date to talk. He doesn't like the separation, and tells her two weeks is "enough." (Um, hello, Nick George? Is that you? The same guy who broke Lisa's heart by leaving her two weeks ago -- not the other way around? Just checking.) She's not ready to be judged anymore. (Um, Lisa? Is that you? The one who didn't want Nick to leave? Okay then.) Anyway, they agree to dinner that very night. Lisa's mom will watch Kiki. Also, is this yet another cute, generic blond playing Kiki? Or is it just the hat making her look like someone new? These little Hollywood blondes all look the same to me, and therefore they also all look different. I can't trust my eyes.
Letitia's all incognito for some reason (bandana on her head, sunglasses on, coat bundled on) and getting in the car to drive. Clark tries to stop her drunk ass, but to no avail, as she drives off.
Simon's at Lisa's art gallery, claiming he came for the "art." He uses art to make a point about their relationships: Karen and Nick can't make up their minds. Lisa doesn't want to hear it. He tries to give her a disc of Karen and Nick talking in Simon's lobby in the last episode (I'm getting a little queasy just thinking about that scene again), but she won't accept it because she's not the kind of woman who spies on her husband. Which I think is just an act to make herself seem better than she really is.
Patrick and Nola are in Tripp's office, explaining why Patrick chose her as his chief of staff: He likes to be bossed around, but a) his wife's dead, b) Carmelita's gone, and c) he's sick of letting Tripp do it. Okay, that's not what he says. It's something about being his choice and independence, and other lies. It was Nola's choice and manipulation. Just like the fact that they want him on the agriculture committee in the Senate, despite Tripp thinking foreign affairs would be perfect for him if he wants to make a run for the White House. Nola is also totally rude to Tripp here about his age, acting like he can't hear Patrick because he is trying to argue his case. She even speaks up really loudly. Nick's cold back, but his cold isn't much compared to Nola's ice-queen thing. In fact, he encourages Tripp to "hear them out" on their committee choice. Strike one against Nick proving his loyalty to Tripp. After the meeting, Jeremy catches Nola and Patrick leaving the house, and Patrick tells him she's his chief of staff. Jeremy's not loving this.
Letitia is driving in her crazy get-up as she sings and bobs her head maniacally to "Mr. Big Stuff." It's so unsettling to see her acting like this that I can't wait for her to hit the bicyclist if only to shut her up. And then she does. She runs right into Clark Kent's fake wife , who bounces up onto the hood and everything?
Next thing we know, she's telling Tripp and Nick it wasn't her fault, because Hot Roadkill just pulled right in front of her. Tripp thinks the amount of alcohol in Letitia's blood might make her somewhat at fault here. He's also very sad about his car. Oh, and Hot Roadkill agreed to be treated right here at the house instead of going to an actual hospital, which means Letitia will get to avoid the tabloids. It also means that Hot Roadkill is going to walk around the house being hot the whole episode. How tedious. Letitia thinks Hot Roadkill planned this, and is trying to scam the family. I'm just not sure anyone could plan that whole thing: Get Letitia drunk, get her to drive herself, get her to zoom into the right place at the right time.
Nick goes into Hot Roadkill's temporary room where she says her name is "Wrenn Darcy." She says she's not planning on suing anyone, so his lawyer skills aren't really needed here. He pretends he doesn't care who she sues and he just wants her to have everything she needs. She does. She has a maid, a nurse, and a fluffer. Dirty! Oh, wait, a pillow fluffer. That's more television-appropriate. She tells him there's no family to call, because she works retail, which is more than anyone else in her family will ever do. And we all know that if your family is poor, you should not let them know if something big happens. She tries to leave, but Nick tells her the doctor wants her to stay. She insists, but then gets "dizzy" so stays in bed.
Brian and Andrea are meeting with a cancer doctor, who tells them her chances are not good. With chemo, she has a 10 percent chance of surviving more than a year. She wants to spend the rest of the time she has with Brian, not sick from chemo. There is an experimental trial, but it's almost impossible to get on. The waiting list is over a year long. But alone in the hall, Brian wants to buy Andrea into the trial. The doctor won't do it, but then Brian threatens to take his family's money away from the new children's cancer wing the hospital's building. He doesn't really care if Andrea wants to do it; he'll convince her. The doctor just needs to get her on that trial.
Nick's assuring Tripp that Hot Roadkill will be okay, and won't sue. Tripp is thankful. Nick thinks she should stay longer to avoid a scandal. Letitia still thinks it's unsafe having her here, but Tripp says the "injured party" gets whatever she wants. Letitia says "Shades of Lucy Tembrook" (or Tenbrook? My captioning didn't pick up this line at all, which is odd), but no one explains this.
Jeremy stops Nola coming out of her apartment. He's dressed like a real dandy in a foppish modern-day Robin Hood hat. Somehow Jeremy can pull this off, though. He tells Nola she's obsessed with all things Darling: prosecuting one, sleeping with one, or being the chief of staff for one. Nola says that Patrick has guts and generosity (for giving her a second chance after she lost her job). She tells Jeremy to get over himself, like she did, and drives away in her very fancy car.
Lisa and Nick are on their date. He thinks she's pretty, and she admits to being nervous. He tells her it's weird to wake up alone now. She doesn't wake up alone, though, because she's not sleeping. Nick wants her to move back in. (Wait, what?! She moved out? Even though he's the one who wanted it?) She wants that, too, except Simon's conversation has gotten to her. He tells her that it was all business, and he told Karen not to marry Simon, but just for the company. Lisa says she wants them to work, but they can't if Karen's part of their lives. He promises Karen won't be part of their lives anymore. They hold hands as ominous music plays.
New York City nighttime shots. Simon Elder's in a business meeting (wait... at night?), but Nick shows up to see him so Simon dismisses everyone. Nick tells Simon to stay away from his wife. Simon, who is creepily calm as usual, tells Nick that his anger is from a lack of perspective. He shows Nick the disc to help give him some perspective. And then we have to watch that terrible, nauseating, maddening scene again. Nick tells Karen the company's not his first concern. That would be "you... and me." Simon threatens to put it on YouTube. Then he shows the part where Karen tells Nick to step up. Simon tells Nick that if he messes with "my lady... my stuff, I mess with yours." Ew, ew, ew. As if "my lady" weren't bad enough, he had to call her his "stuff"? I know we're supposed to hate Simon, but was that really necessary? In 2008?
Karen's trying on a wedding dress as Simon looks on (what'd you expect? Tradition?). He loves the dress, and then she takes it off so that we can get a gratuitous panties, nylons, corset shot of Karen. He wants to take her to dinner, but she's going to the family dinner, even though they all disowned her. She says she promised she'd go so Letitia will have someone to gossip with while everyone else argues about Patrick's Senate committee. Nick texts Karen while Simon talks to her. It says "We need to talk." She reads the message but pretends it didn't happen. Also, I think this is a different phone than she's had in the past, and it's still some cheap generic phone. Is this really the phone Karen Darling would have? Karen leaves the room, and Simon calls Nola to tell her about the dinner. He wants her there. Nola says Patrick's definitely going with agriculture and Tripp gave in. Simon's not buying it, and he needs Patrick's support on the agriculture committee to launch his biofuel. Nola doesn't want to spend more time with the Darlings than she has to, but Simon tells her she should remember that she does have to.
Brian tells Andrea she's in the experimental trial, but she doesn't want any kind of treatment. He can't believe how selfish she is, with her yoga and incense. She calls him an idiot. He calls her a bitch. They start kissing passionately, and we all know where that's going.
Hot Roadkill is playing the piano when Tripp walks in. He tells her not to stop playing, so she doesn't. He's glad she's up and about and tells her it's actually been "refreshing" having her in the house. Well, I guess anytime he's bored, he should go hit a hot bicyclist and bring her home, then. Hot Roadkill tells Tripp how admirable it is that he's so faithful to someone as unfaithful as Letitia. She reads the papers, after all. He says Letitia was the girl of his dreams 40 years ago, and he can't let it go. She calls him a saint, and tells him how nice it is to meet someone who can afford to make a million second chances, but still holds onto the first one. This is all really sweet and should reaffirm his love for Letitia, right? Not, you know, make him love Hot Roadkill?
Karen shows up at Nick's office and asks him "What's cookin'?" Ugh. Everything she says and does is so annoying now. There is no depth to the character at all. I get that she's the dumb, rich, spoiled bimbo, but if we're to believe Nick ever loved her -- let alone still does -- we need her to be more than that on the inside. She used to be last season, but not anymore. He tells her he has an answer for her. Just then, Lisa calls the office (instead of his cell; why?) and Daisy tells Lisa he's in a closed-door meeting, admitting he's with Karen. Nick's telling Karen his final answer is no. He has to make things work with Lisa. He owes it to her and Kiki. He tells her he loves Lisa. He loves Karen, too, but Lisa's his wife and he wants to do the right thing. Yeah, Nick, loving someone else is not doing the right thing. Lisa's pissed enough about this meeting in his office that she immediately calls Simon and asks if she can see the disc.
It's time for family dinner, and Tripp's calling everyone into the room to tell them why they're all here: to celebrate their perseverance and second chances. He gives Hot Roadkill a lingering look that Karen and Letitia both notice. Maybe they can gossip about this later. He toasts to Letitia's freedom, and to Karen's "fifth and, it is hoped, not final wedding," and to Patrick for weathering this year and ending up in the U.S. Senate. Patrick makes a shot about his political career being his own business, but thanks him for the vote of confidence. Tripp toasts to family. Letitia, Karen and Nick repeat it. Brian scoffs a little and looks at his own family: Andrea brushing Brian Jr.'s hair out of his face on the couch. After the toast, Letitia asks Nick where Lisa is. He says she's with Kiki, but they are working it out. Letitia wishes Tripp had Nick's same willingness to forgive and forget. She tells Nick Tripp's enchanted with Hot Roadkill and doesn't realize what he could lose, financially and otherwise. Jeremy comes in with two hot girls on his arms. He introduces them to Patrick and Nola as backup singers on the song he and "JT" just wrote. It's called "Moving On," and he suggests Nola get the ringtone.
Brian tells Andrea she can't drink, because of the medical trial's strict rules. She says that having sex with him doesn't mean she changed her mind; it wasn't that mind-altering. He tells her that's just fine, but she needs to tell Brian Jr. that she has cancer and isn't doing anything about it, and then she can take Brian Jr. coffin shopping. Across the room, Letitia approaches Nola. She tells her she harbors no ill will toward her, but then she tells her that the whole thing with Jeremy was set up, so I'm thinking there's still lots of ill will there. Tripp's in another room telling Patrick that the agriculture committee will set him back years. He blames Nola's invoice, but Patrick says it has nothing to do with her. Tripp wants to know if Patrick has asked what Nola wants, but Patrick says she's the only one who doesn't want something, and that he should take his own advice from the toast and support Patrick for a change.
By the fireplace, Nick approaches Hot Roadkill and they make flirty small talk that could have been written in a third-grade classroom. Nick: "How's the boarder?" Hot Roadkill: "Far from bored." HR: "This dress ... I think it goes for 10 grand." Nick: "Nice." She also says how strange it must be to be around this all the time, and asks where his wife is. Cue Lisa's entrance. She tells him Simon showed her the disc. He says he can't do this right now, in that dismissive way Nick has with her, as if she's not the person he chose to love and honor above all others. She tells him he can, and he will. He grabs her and tries to lead her out, but she's already yelling about how he wanted to know if Karen was still pathetically waiting for him, and if they're on now. She says if "that slut, that rich disgusting stringbean made of money" is what he wants, he can have her because she's waiting for him, "wide open." Um, ew? I think. Karen tries to insult Lisa, but "I smell trouble, or is that your perfume?" really isn't an insult unless we assume that trouble smells bad. Which, yeah, it's a stretch. Lisa tells her to walk away. Karen says if she does that, Nick's just going to look at her ass. Nick says nothing, because he is a total dick. Lisa says Karen won't be happy until she sees Lisa and Nick's relationship die, and Karen says, "Well, he certainly won't." Lisa calls her a "stupid, slutty bitch" and throws a glass of champagne in her face. Nick yells at Lisa: "What the hell?!" Karen interrupts him and says she's never been in the same class as Lisa, but she's not afraid to fight above her weight. Lisa tells Karen she'll kick her ass... if she can find it. Did I miss something? Are these fat jokes? Is Lisa supposed to be fat? I must have missed that, in that SHE IS NOT. Brian says that now this is a family dinner. And, yes, I agree: my family, too. Not to this degree or anything, and not with this much money. But definitely with the dysfunction at family events. Lisa slaps Karen and it is awesome. Nick jumps in front of Karen and says it wasn't her fault. And I actually hate him. Jeremy jumps in and tells Nick to back off and listen to Lisa for once. Nick says it's not Jeremy's business, but he thinks it is, because Lisa's been cool with all of Nick's head games, but, and I must quote this, "even an art chick has got limits." Ha. Jeremy's view of the world. Nick asks Jeremy who he thinks he is to talk to him that way, and Jeremy says "your worst nightmare" sheepishly as he sort of shrinks away. Lisa tells them both to shut up. And Karen says to "just let the bitch be." Then she points at Lisa and is dragged off.
Nick walks up to Lisa, and she tells him that when they first moved to New York and his father offered to help them, they said no, because he wanted them to make it on their own. But now she sees this is who he is and where he belongs, and she's just a reminder of that time he tried to be something else. She says they're over, she's done, and then she turns and walks out. He quietly says, "I know." Dude, WTF?! Fight for her, you stupid jerk. Have I mentioned that I totally hate Nick? How did he not get slapped across the face in that scene, and when could it possibly be coming?
New York bridge and skylines. Nola is yelling at Jeremy for setting her up. He says that his mom found out about the relationship and just told him to keep it going. Nola can't believe he went along with it, but that really might make her the stupidest person on earth. Patrick might want a new chief of staff. Because, see, Letitia is his mother. There tends to be loyalty between children and their mothers, and between various other family members even -- which, wait, could Nola know anything about that herself? Nola says Letitia used Jeremy, and he says that's just part of being a Darling, and that Nola's pretty good at it herself, considering she's using Patrick. Which she is, but he thinks it's to get close to him because she still loves him. Which it is not, and I really think she doesn't. He makes sexy talk to her, but is interrupted by Patrick, who asks if she's ready to go. She is.
Andrea's getting Brian Jr. ready for bed. She asked if he had fun tonight, and he did because Uncle Jeremy's funny. She tells Brian Jr. she loves him and then "Sweet Dreams." Brian's watching at the door, and greets her when she leaves the room with and angry: "I thought you were going to tell him instead of just talking about my brother's comedic chops!" She says she changed her mind and is doing the trial. Because, after dinner, she realizes she can't leave her son alone with Brian and his family. She has to live. She walks off, and Brian looks thrilled. Which, for Brian, means he barely cracks a smile, but we can see it.
Nick's on another balcony somewhere, when Hot Roadkill comes out and asks if he's okay. He says this is par for the course, except it's usually a Darling throwing a punch, not his wife. She tells him he's lucky to have two women willing to fight with him. She's been in New York for three years, and hasn't found anyone. Even nice guys aren't nice. He asks if she's lost her faith in men. She looks at him seductively and says, "Not quite." And I am just really not feeling this. Are we supposed to understand why they would like each other, or feel anything about her other than, "When will she go away?" Because I don't. He seems old enough to be her dad, and maybe that's just because she was playing teenagers so recently , and he's in his 40s.
Jeremy is letting Lisa into the art gallery, apologizing for having to bother him. She thanks him for the ride. I don't know why she had to bother him. Did she lose her keys to the gallery? Or not know how to find transportation in Manhattan all of a sudden? The way she got to the Darlings' must have gone away suddenly upon her arrival, along with all cabs and subways. He tells her it's the least he could do after her "craptacular cage match" with Karen. Lisa's planning to sleep at the gallery instead of explaining to her mother that her marriage is over. She thanks him for sticking up for him, since Nick just stood there. Lisa says she fought for her marriage so hard because she didn't know who she'd be without Nick, but now she's ready to let go. Right now. Tonight. But she isn't ready to do it alone. She tells him it's not about forever, just tonight. And then they start kissing in a way that's clearly leading to sex -- right in front of the big glass front of the gallery for all of the city to see. This is actually sort of awesome. Okay, this is the one development in this episode that I love. Because Nick doesn't deserve Lisa, and maybe Jeremy does. Although, yeah, Jeremy? Probably doesn't. But at least he thinks she's amazing.
Nick's still on a balcony talking to Hot Roadkill about how he loved Karen since he was six, and he always thought he'd be with her until she broke off their engagement and he met Lisa at college. He's spent all of his time since caught between them. And now he's worried he's lost them both, but Hot Roadkill doubts it. She's known him for two days, but can tell he's not the type women get over easily. She asked if he's ever considered a third option to Karen and Lisa, and he says he actually hasn't. She thinks that's too bad since there might be other options. She kisses him, and he looks sort of confused but also sort of into it (and how could he not be confused? Craziest night in Nick's life, I think). And Tripp's standing in the doorway watching. Uh-oh.
Patrick's in the limo with Nola, telling her he feels free for the first time in years. He tells her she has no idea what it's like to be under someone's thumb, and he's grateful to her for wanting to be his chief of staff even though he knows it's about being close to Jeremy. Patrick says neither of them can be with the person they really want. Bring Carmelita back, please! I'd much rather have her than uninteresting Hot Roadkill. Nola gets out when the limo stops. Then she's talking to Simon, saying Patrick is going to be on the agriculture committee. But then she says she can't do this anymore. He tells her he has to show her something, and asks her to come and sit by him. He says now and someone somewhere bangs a big drum so that we know he means business. She hears it too and goes to sit by him. He looks at her all gross and pervy, and turns on the TV. It's a little Asian boy in a room covered in child's art. He's talking to Simon through the camera: "Hi Simon!" Simon tells her there's still only one person he asks for when he wakes up, and then the boy asks Simon to give his sister kisses. She asks where her brother is, and Simon says not to worry because he's well taken care of. She asks when this is going to be done, and he comes in close, grabs her arms, and warns her never to forget all of the things he's done for her. She shakes him off. He grabs her chin and condescendingly asks who's his little soldier. I am totally puzzled. What is going on between these two? I feel like he's an evil kidnapper, but then he reminds her of all he's done for her. What did she get herself into, and what did he save her from to get this sort of blackmail power? It makes me so mad that this one mysterious element makes me want this show to stick around despite its serious and fast downfall this season.
Back at the mansion, Nick's leaving. Tripp catches him and asks if he was leaving without saying goodbye. Tripp is all fake smiles, and Nick tries to be nice but knows he did something wrong. Nick asks about Karen, and Tripp says she's fine. Tripp asks how Hot Roadkill is, and Nick says she's not going to tell anyone and they can probably send her on her way tomorrow. Tripp says she's a lovely girl and Nick agrees. Tripp tells Nick that he's always thought of Letitia as the only woman he could ever be happy with, but now he thinks he might have been mistaken. Nick says good night and gets into the elevator. Tripp walks away and we see that Letitia was standing around the corner listening.
Nick is at Simon's and Simon's asking if he's there to see Karen. He's not. He's there for Simon himself. Nick reminds Simon that when he first started working for Tripp, Tripp told him Simon was the enemy. But Nick thought Simon wasn't so bad, it was just old money vs. new money. But now that he's seen what Simon's willing to do to get what he wants, he's learned that "no one has to pay me to destroy you; I'm more than happy to do it for free." Simon keeps his calm, despite Nick's anger, asking if Nick rehearsed that and saying he likes this new Nick, who is waking up and starting to think for himself. Simon thinks that soon Nick will realize they're not that different. Simon tells Nick if this is about Karen, Nick can have her back when he's done. Nick jumps at Simon, but his Russian bodyguards keep Nick at bay. Simon tells Nick he's got no problem with him, and Nick says, "You didn't. But you do now." Because of the Karen thing? SHUT UP, Nick. I hate you. You don't get angry enough to stand up for your wife, like, ever, but you'll do this? I get that he went to Simon's because Simon showed Lisa the video (although I don't get how splitting up Lisa and Nick is getting what Simon wants, because that makes it more likely that Nick and Karen will get back together, but whatever), but then it became all about Karen. I hope that Nick's problem with Simon is mostly about Lisa, and not Karen, but that's not how this scene came across.
Next time, if there is a next time, and if you'll be watching if there is: Nathan Petrelli's wife shows up as a reporter trying to dig up dirt on the Darlings. So, hey, if people who disappear inexplicably from one show end up on another, maybe Brian's wife and kids will show up on Heroes ? She comes in for Thanksgiving to find out about family betrayal, cover-ups and murder. Brian threatens someone. There's a fashion show. Oh. And Juliet's back, y'all. Because there aren't quite enough people to keep track of on this show right now.
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DeAnn is a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com .