I ♥ Doctor Who
Updated 2006-12-13 16:00:00
*****, I hate this episode. Welcome to London: Jackie Tyler, a boy named Elton Pope, and his friends in the London Investigation 'N Detective Agency join Sarah Jane Smith as the people most obviously damaged by the presence, and the absence, of our Gallifreyan son. It's told in the most horribly shoddy frame-cutting frenetic faux-MTV ADD What The Kids Are Into repetitive redundant stupid fashion imaginable: imagine if you had to reconstruct "Storyteller" from the half-drugged raving memories of a ten-year-old child, then make sure it suuuucks. Then toss in a few stupid fart gags, some gratuitous retro-nerd-hip ELO, and some really egregious pavement-faced *****s from Moaning Myrtle. Yeah. So Elton's life has been coincidentally intertwined with the Doctor's adventures throughout the new series, and it's warped him just a bit. He joins a group of similarly fascinated/obsessed social rejects (note that I did not say "sexless anoraks," because enough is enough), and they begin hunting the Doctor, fancying themselves a kind of lay UNIT. Things only get kicked into high gear with the mysterious appearance of the dastardly Big Name Fan Victor Kennedy, who's like if Count Olaf from Unfortunate Events decided to get, you know, *****ing hammy. Elton is sent to infiltrate Jackie in order to find out more about Rose, and they become really sweet friends -- right up until Jackie figures out Elton's ulterior motives. Feeling crappy about hurting Jackie's feelings, Elton deserts and enrages Victor, who turns out to be an alien from Raxacoricofallapatorius's sister planet that absorbs dorks and Doctor Who fans, snarfing the adorable members of LINDA left and right. Suddenly, the Doctor appears just in time to save Elton, who spontaneously disgorges his repressed memory of his mother being killed by a living shadow out of the blue, earns a hug from the enraged Rose Tyler, and *****s a cement block. Who, it turns out, is a metaphor for everybody the Doctor's wily ways ever *****ed over, as Jackie Tyler memorably points out: we -- people who aren't Companions, which is everybody, because this show is fictional -- get hard, and cold, and lonely, unless we remember we're not alone. Or join a support group or local fan club. Or possibly if we have a robotic dog and a spinoff series, that's another way we might turn out okay. But luckily, the Doctor and Rose have nothing to worry about, so they're happy to flounce off with a smile and a friendly wave, leaving everybody else to pick up the pieces. Again. How incredibly apropos and sad and totally in line with the entire season. *****, I love this episode.