Tami Knows Best
Updated 2009-01-24 09:06:35
"Get it off! Get it off!" We open on Lyla and Tim, in his bed under the covers, Lyla begging Tim to get his pants off. He chuckles about it being a new buckle and our hopes are dashed when Billy busts in the room demanding to know what's going on. Not with the teen sex, of course, but with the letter he found from Oklahoma State expressing interest in Tim. Lyla jumps up, excited, wondering why Tim hasn't told her about this yet. Tim just sort of curls his lip and doesn't say anything. Lyla jumps out of bed and runs to get her laptop to write a response to the college. Billy points his finger at his brother: "You and me, pal. We're goin' places."
Tami is giving an interview to a local reporter, talking about the reallocation of funds from the Jumbotron to textbooks. The reporter digs for information about whether there's tension in the Taylor household over Tami taking money away from the football program. Tami says that she thinks that she and her husband both approach their careers and their marriage with respect. I'm sure that'll make headlines: "Coach and Wife Respect Each Other."
Grandma Saracen's blood pressure is 160 over 100. The doctor tells her that she's in dangerous territory and she giggles that she doesn't take her medications because they dry out her skin, and then non-sequiturs to Matt, "Matthew did we turn off the stove?" The doctor pulls Matt outside and tells him this is a big problem. Matt asks if the doctor can give him the pills and he'll make sure she takes them. The doctor said that he can't legally do that, and then proceeds to tell Matt that Grandma is no longer able to handle her own affairs, that they knew this day was coming.
Tami sits in the dark with a glass of wine and her laptop. Coach wanders out and she tells him that she's waiting for the early edition of the paper to come out with her article in it. Coach tells her that she shouldn't read her own press; Tami tells him to shut it. She refreshes, and gasps, first in excitement, but then in horror. The headline is "New Principal Vows to Shake up Establishment: Tensions Run High in Marriage..." complete with two hilarious pictures of Coach and Tami, each with take-no-shit faces on. Tami quickly slams the computer shut and Coach says he'll get more wine.
Credits. Smash runs cones out on the field. Apparently not very well. Coach notices that every time he goes left he loses speed. Smash promises him that it's not his knee, he's not in pain. Smash tells Coach he has to get to work, and then asks what the big plan is. Coach tells him not to worry; he'll handle getting interest from colleges, Smash just needs to take care of the rest. Cut to Coach walking into his office on his cell phone. He's selling Smash to someone at Texas Tech, who apparently isn't buying. Coach hangs up and Mac comes in and states the obvious: that it isn't a good time to set up a walk-on right now.
Tami breezes into her office, only to be informed by ASSistant Principal Clint that the phones are ringing off the hook. She takes a few more steps and is greeted by Lady Mayor and Buddy in her office. Lady Mayor lays it on thick at first, saying that Tami is new and excited and that she appreciates it. But then she informs Tami that Tami has made a mistake and she needs to admit it and fix it. Tami, hand on hip, tells the Mayor that she hasn't made a mistake. Buddy is sitting on the couch in the background, head thrown back as he listens to these ladies get into it. Lady Mayor lowers her voice and growls at Tami that the boosters raised the money for a Jumbotron, and it isn't up to Tami how to spend that money. Tami retorts that technically it is up to her and wonders how, given the test scores at this school, she can't believe the mayor hasn't jumped on this bandwagon. As the mayor turns to leave, she tells Tami that she is sorry to hear that Tami feels that way, and that she just hopes things don't turn ugly. I have a feeling Tami is going to wake up in the middle of the night and find a pair of dentures scarily winking at her from her bedside table. Dun dun duuuun!
Buddy is plating up steak and foil wrapped baked potatoes and crowing to his daughter that this is about forty dollars worth of meat on her plate, pan fried in butter, "the way God intended." They sit down and Buddy tells Lyla that the McCoys want to have lunch with them on Saturday. Lyla says that's fine, she'll see if Tim can come. Buddy takes a breath and says that he wants to talk to Lyla about Tim Riggins. Lyla looks right at her father and tells him that Tim is a good guy and he's going to college. Buddy laughs right in her face and declares that Tim Riggins going to college is like him teaching yoga classes: "It's not gonna happened." Lyla tells her father that maybe Tim just needs someone to believe in him; Buddy reminds his daughter that there've been plenty of girls in Dillon who've believed in Tim Riggins. He tells Lyla that Tim comes from white trash, and is going to bring her down. From where? This trashy apartment-complex bachelor pad? Then Buddy goes a bit too far: "Lyla, are you using protection?" She gets up and stomps to her room as Buddy calls, "The last thing we need is to be raising Tim Riggins' baby."
Tami and Coach lay in bed. Tami tells her husband that the encounter in her office that morning was crazy, they were threatening her, like the mafia. Coach grunts. Tami continues, marveling that Buddy just sat by like he didn't have anything to do with the confrontation. Coach grunts. Tami can't believe that everybody is acting like she's done the worst thing in the world. Coach grunts. Tami: "What do you think I should do?" Just then, Gracie raises a cry down the hall, and Coach jumps out of bed to go get her, the way I'm sure he does every night when he isn't being asked a question by his wife, the answer to which is certainly: "Lady, you're CRAZY!"
Julie and Landry are helping Tyra campaign for Student Council President. Tyra notices Landry trying to disperse a big guffawing crowd down the way and goes over to check it out. He tries to shoo her away, too, but she makes him move away from what he's standing in front of: one of her campaign posters has been scribbled on, her face getting the ever-imaginative "devil horns" treatment, and a "For a good time call..." bit across her shoulder. This is all pretty corny, and even more so because I continue to be totally unable to believe that Tyra is a high school girl.
Tyra takes the poster to ASSistant Principal Clint, who asks her what she wants him to do about it. She complains that her competition -- Jenny Warwick-- has been campaigning for three weeks, and she thinks she needs an even footing. ASS. P. Clint tells her that she has to suck it up and deal with it. Which, actually, is true; but Tyra looks at the man like he just attempted to sexually assault her. Nooooo!
Matt talks with a lawyer with a heart of flint. Matt asks, What does "non compus mentis" mean? Lawyer Jack: "That's a legal term for when you lose it." The lawyer suggests that Matt become his grandma's guardian; Matt points out that he's seventeen and that, actually, Grandma is HIS guardian. The lawyer basically ignores him and tells Matt that he can become an emancipated minor; that would allow him to become Grandma's guardian. Matt pleadingly says he doesn't want to be in control of all of that, but when the lawyer says the other option is to put Grandma in a home, Matt shakes his head no and takes the paperwork to become emancipated.
Commercials. Back on the field, Smash practices with Tim and whines like a little baby when Tim tackles him, and then storms off the field.
Matt and Grandma are at Applebee's. Matt is telling his grandmother that she has to take her pills; Grandma insists that they dry out her face, "make me look like a mummy." Matt retorts by asking if she knows what her face'll look like when she has a stroke. Grandma insists she won't have a stroke because she doesn't even know anyone who's had a stroke. He keeps insisting until she snaps at him, and he walks outside to cool off. He reels around the back of the restaurant and finds some cardboard boxes to kick. While he's wailing away on those, Julie comes out the back door. Wheeee! Matt looks embarrassed. They meet cute and awkward for a while and it doesn't matter what they're talking about (Matt filling Julie in on the Grandma situation; Julie telling him about trying to save up to buy a car) because they are standing so adorably far from each other, Matt Saracen doing that thing he does with the hangdog face, and hanging-down arms, barely enunciating the words that he's saying. Julie cracks a joke about Grandma having busted into the kitchen demanding the cooks make her chocolate pudding and Matt almost turns on his heel to go save the day again when she tells him it's a joke. A "rude" joke, she acknowledges. But Matt cracks into a grin, and we are on our way back into Coach Taylor's hair, everybody!
Lyla and Tim are shopping. They look like they're in a Kohl's, which is perfect art direction. Lyla helps Tim into a blazer, which is totally the wrong size -- but does allow one to wax poetic in one's mind about his luscious Trapezius for a moment. Tim tells Lyla that he knows how to dress himself; Lyla corrects him, saying that he knows how to put on a plaid shirt and button one button. Tim doesn't feel like going to this lunch; Lyla sidles right up into him and purrs that if he only did what he felt like doing, his life would be football, beer, and sex. She forgot "ill-advised capers" on that list. She walks a bit, telling him that the lunch will be a good chance for him to talk with Mr. McCoy, who went to Oklahoma. Meanwhile, in the background, Tim does a hilarious umpire "he's out" fist pump when she mentions "Oklahoma." Lyla slips Tim into a blazer that fits; when Tim asks why she's doing this, she says "Because I care about you." Tim asks if she knows why he's doing it, she smiles and says, "Because you care about me." Tim says, "just a little," and they smooch. Look at Tim Riggins, Human 101!
At the Collette House of Disrepute, Landry, Tyra, Momma, and Ol' Sis brainstorm slogan ideas for her campaign. Wait, that would be, Landry and Tyra brainstorm, Mindy and Ol' Sis braindrip. Somehow all the ideas revolve around "hotness" or "action." Tyra says that she's trying to be a serious person. Her mother is like "pshaw, no girl of mine is serious," and tells her daughter to "smoke 'em if you got 'em" and then gestures to her own breasts and then Mindy's. Tyra sort of raises her eyebrows, and then gives up resisting.
Cut to school, where Tyra has brought a few girls from the Landing Strip to dance around in their underwear in "Vote for Tyra" t-shirts. The ASSistant. Principal. comes rushing out to remind everyone that high school is a place where boners are always everywhere stymied by an old dude in a short-sleeved dress shirt. Tyra protests that Jenny Warwick's mom was there last week helping her hand out cupcakes, so why can't she have some friends help her campaign? Tami has rushed onto the scene just in time to hear ASS. P. ask Tyra if she's really that dumb. Tami tells ASS. P. to shut it, makes the crowd disperse, and then overrides ASS. P's verbal "suspension" of Tyra, which would make Tyra miss the "town hall meeting." She tells Tyra to go get ready for the meeting.
At the Alamo Freeze, Coach comes in to yell at Smash. He tells the kid that he's been calling every coach he knows, telling them that Smash has made a full recovery. He needs to know if he should be doing this. Smash pauses, and then tells Coach that he's never been scared playing football. Even after Jason Street. (JAAAASON! Where are you???). But that now, it's not just the knee, there's some other kind of hesitation. He tells Coach that before he was great because he was a part of something bigger than himself; because he was a Panther. Now he's just a guy playing on his old high school field. Coach, jaw set, tells Smash to suck it up, that's what being a man is. I'm a little unclear on how Smash acknowledging that his situation smacks not a little of "Townie Loser" has anything to do with masculinity, but whatever. I AM BEHIND YOU, COACH! (Lord, how I could use a Coach in my everyday life. "Suck it up, get the dishes done." "Suck it up, stop hitting the snooze button for an hour." "Suck it up, don't eat that directly out of the can.") Coach orders Smash to be at Herman Field at 8 p.m. on Saturday, full pads. I smell a plan!
Commercials. Student Council election Town Hall Meeting. Tracy Flick has the gymnasium floor, looking toward the Promise of the New Dawn, and how everyone then will wear skirts of demure length and headbands. Bo-ring! Now it's Tyra's turn. She takes the microphone in her half-shirt, denim miniskirt, and cowboy boots. Someone asks a question about how students are concerned about her lack of experience; Tyra replies by acting dumb -- "Wow, that was a long question, I barely 'member half of it" -- and then telling it straight, saying that everyone needs to realize that the whole election comes down to who they want to plan the prom. "I can tell you right now that no one is gettin' laid if they let Jenny here have the prom in the gym." Standing ovation. Tami Taylor is in the stands, completely confused by Bratz-doll-style feminism.
Nice cut from the wildly-cheering sex-crazed student voting body to the wildly-cheering Dillon Panther football fans in the stands. The Panthers take another commanding victory this Friday, and then we quickly leave the field for Applebee's. Yay! Except not for Tami, who is getting totally ignored by everyone in the place. Some guy comes over to the Taylors' table to twist Coach's arm about putting McCoy in soon and doesn't even look at her. Tami remarks again on this "craziness" but all Coach does is marvel at Applebee's changed menu. Finally, Tami asks him directly to "weigh in" on the situation. Without any crying babies or pictures of melting cheese to distract him, Coach finally tells his wife that he doesn't want to weigh in, because he doesn't want to tell her -- who he "loves and believes in, 100 percent" -- that her first decision as Principal was "questionable." Tami thinks that a message needs to be sent to the Boosters that if they want their football program to flourish, they have to give a "teeny-tiny" bit to academics. Coach points out that there's a big difference between "teeny-tiny" and "Jumbotron." Tami is out there blowing in the wind.
Grandma Saracen is looking everywhere for that new episode of Cagney & Lacey even though Matt, who's warming her some milk, keeps telling her that the show hasn't been on for, oh, a few decades. Grandma resigns herself to one of "these other shows" and Matt brings her the milk. Grandma, rocking in her recliner, talks to her beloved grandson, telling him that he was just such a sweet, sweet baby. "But here you are now, all grown up, takin' care of everything." Oh. Oh, dear. Grandma, rocking chair, house dress, heartbreaking circle of life. Tears. She reaches out to Matt and tells him that she doesn't know what she'd do without him, and that she loves him. He kneels beside her and she starts to cry. She looks straight at him and tells him that he is such a good boy. Without missing one bratty teenaged beat, Matt responds so naturally, "Well, that's because I was raised by you." Her eyes clear for a minute and she says "Thank you, thank you." And I wail into the night.
Nighttime, Matt knocks on Landry's window and asks if he can borrow his car, which he'll return tomorrow morning. Cut to early morning light, Matt driving along the country roads. He pulls up in front of a shack-y looking house, and this whole sequence is done really beautifully, because at first you get a "trashy" read off the situation, until Matt passes underneath the overgrown bower and approaches the house and looks inside the screen door. The camera follows his gaze, finding first a guitar on the couch, then books on the coffee table, and some beautiful branches from some local flowering tree set in water on the coffee table, and you slowly realize that the situation is going to be so much more complicated than just "trashy mom abandoned me." Matt knocks on the door, a woman comes to the door in a camisole and jeans, and Matt, head bowed to the ground, mutters, "Hi. It's me, Matt. Your son."
Commercials. So Matt's mom is Joanie, from Deadwood , she of the matchless white leather boots and hesitant kick-assness. I'm really excited for this development. We're back on the porch, Matt cutting his mother's wonder at him short by abruptly handing her the papers for her to sign so he can become an emancipated minor. He explains that it's so he can become Grandma's guardian. She wonders where Henry is, and Matt tells her that he's in Iraq. She invites him inside, but Matt refuses with no hesitation. She sits down, telling him that she needs to read the papers over first, and then asks him what's wrong with Lorraine. Matt tells her that she has dementia; she wonders about Henry leaving Matt alone with her. Matt: "I don't think you're really in a position to judge." She asks him for a pen, and he hands it over.
Tyra comes into Tami's office, all smiles and shoulder shrugs, and tells her that she won the election. She sinks into the couch and cutes, "And they said it couldn't be done." Tami is like, "Can I help you with something?" and then tells Tyra that she should know that she sunk to the lowest common denominator. Tyra plays dumb some more but even her henley shirt is unbuttoned to the lowest common denominator. Tami really lays into her, telling Tyra that she made an idiot out of herself. Tami tells her that she believed in her, and had faith in her, and that Tyra had better start earning that back, or she really will be on her own. Tyra's eyes fill with tears, and she slinks out of the office. She really didn't see that coming?
Football field, night. Smash, in full uniform, runs sprints alone, until the Dillon Panthers come running onto the field whooping and hollering and he breaks into a wide grin. Coach Taylor -- hair released from baseball cap and just cavorting around on his head -- asks Smash if he's ready to go live, and the boys start playing a pick-up game. Smash takes a bit to get into the swing of things, but then busts through the pack and runs beautifully for a touchdown .... until right at the end, he gets tackled really roughly by The Galoot. Smash is down! Will he get up? Won't he? I'm biting my fingernails. Well, not really. Because I think we all know this one will end with Smash slowing rising up, smiling, and declaring that they gotta keep playing. Smash is back!
Lyla and Tim head to lunch at a fancy restaurant. Tim is nervous, but he runs through a few talking points he'll try to hit at lunch. Lyla asks him how he knows the details of McCoy's Oklahoma football career, and Tim is like "Google." And when Lyla giggles, "I didn't know you Googled!" Tim replies, "I'm not retarded." Hee. They walk into the lion's den and make their introductions. As everyone files into the dining room, Buddy keeps Tim back a second. "Two things: I don't like you with my daughter. Two, my relationship with Joe McCoy is extremely important. You do not jeopardize it in any way, or I will hurt you." Cut to Tim totally cut down. At table, lots of rich people talktalktalk about fancy anniversary presents and such. Mr. McCoy tries to ask Tim a few questions and all he can say is, "Um." Like, repeatedly. It's terribly uncomfortable. Everyone looks at him, the tension finally broken a bit by the waiter coming to take orders. A nice little detail -- Buddy orders off menu. He wants a Porterhouse, but it's not on the menu. He instructs the waiter to "Have Wade cut me one." The waiter moves around to Tim, who frantically scans the menu (all Sea Bass and Squab) and orders the Squab. Mrs. McCoy gasps and asks Tim if he's sure. And then Tim, trying to pretend like he knows what he's doing, asks for it "rare." Rare bird. Mmmm. All we need here is for him to shoot an escargot shell off into the neighboring table and we've got a lovely little Pretty Man situation.
Tim and Lyla, driving home afterward. Lyla tells Tim that he was rude in not responding to any questions anyone asked him. He reminds her that he hates those kinds of people and that kind of food. She snarks, "Yeah, well you ordered raw pigeon." He wants to know who she's trying to turn him into. She snarks that she must be a horrible person, trying to turn him into a person who doesn't order rare pigeon. When Tim does the expected, "Maybe I'm too simple for you, maybe we should go our separate ways" Lyla responds sarcastically, like she doesn't have the energy for it. She says maybe they should go their separate ways and gets out of the truck.
Commercials. Taylor house. Nighttime. Buddy drives up while Tami's in the laundry room in the garage. He jumps right in and tells her that the Jumbotron issue is not put to bed yet, that "they" had a meeting with the Superintendent and the funds are frozen. Tami is like "Who had a meeting?" and it turns out there was a big backdoor power grab by Buddy, the Boosters and the Mayor. There'll be a public hearing in two weeks where everyone can voice their opinion. She just stands there, stunned. As Buddy is leaving, Coach wanders out; Tami just brushes her way by him to go back into the house. Coach's cell phone rings, he answers.
Cut to Coach, knocking on the Williams' door. Smash's mom invites him in and calls Smash down. Coach tells him that they have work to do; in two weeks, he has a walk-on at Texas A&M. Smash plays it cool at first, but the minute Coach turns to leave you can hear the Williams family cheering and laughing. Coach pauses, satisfied.
Tim walks in the door of The Playgirl Ranch to find Tyra sprawled on the couch. She asks him who died (in reference to the blazer) and then informs him that she came by with Mindy to drop something off for Billy and that "soon as they're done humpin' I'll be out of your hair." Oh, "humping." Worst word ever. Tim explains his shitty day to her, saying that he was supposed to chat folks up about college, but that he doesn't think he's cut out for college. Except for right then, he takes his pants off right in front of the refrigerator and reaches in for a beer. Which looks to me like he couldn't be MORE ready for college. He sidles past Tyra and settles into the couch; he's very much in "old friend" mode, but Tyra does give him and his man panty shorts a perhaps loaded sidelong glance. He tells her about eating pigeon and she laughs; he says that he ate it because he didn't want them to think he'd made a mistake. Tyra gives a full-throated laugh just as Lyla comes through the door.
Lyla does inquire about where his pants are, but his response: "They're over there, by the refrigerator. It was hot" is pretty much airtight. She tells him that she brought him a cheeseburger and wanted to say she was sorry. He tells her thank you and that it was very sweet of her. Mindy and Billy come swinging out of the bedroom, Mindy's shirt still half-off, Billy completely shirtless. Mindy says something about "wedding planning" when Tyra snarks, "Are ya done?" and Billy slaps Mindy on the ass. The Collette girls leave, Ol' Sis calling out, "I love you, Billy!" Tyra muttering about it being "disgusting" and Tim and Lyla standing in the center of it all, grinning at each other.
Matt, driving home at night. He passes by Applebee's and notices Julie coming out the front door. He swings into the parking lot and asks if she needs a ride. She hops in. Matt tells her that he went to see his mom, and it seems like Julie knows the whole Matt-Mom score. She's like, "Wow." He tells her he's an emancipated minor, and she tells him that she thinks that sounds kind of hot. She wonders if now he can vote and drink and smoke and rent cars. Matt is like, "Uh, no. It means I get to take care of old people." Julie laughs and takes back the "hot" declaration. They sort of stare at each other for a bit, until Julie freaks out and bangs on the dash, telling him to stop the car. They get out, and she tells Matt that the car in the driveway is the one she's saving up to buy. Julie waxes ridiculously poetic for a second, "She's beautiful, isn't she?" and Matt is like "It's a Celica." Julie works in a snarky reference to Matt's engine-dropping Dodge Dart. They stand there, leaning against the car, looking kind of awkwardly at one another and then back at the car. Ah, teen love triangulated through a car. Which is actually so true. It is so much easier to make out and get into trouble when one of you has a car. So, here's to Julie coming out of character purgatory (not quite there yet) and to some long-awaited Saracen hanky-panky not involving a live-in nurse.
Take a peek inside our playbook with our Friday Night Lights: Best and Worst Plays gallery.