Three Days Of Snow
Updated 2009-01-20 09:13:45
In March of 1998, in their sophomore year, Marshall surprised Lily by picking her up at the airport, chauffeur hat on head and "Lilypad" sign in hand, and Lily surprised Marshall with a six-pack of a locally brewed beer she picked up on her trip: "Fort Lager Ale. Get it?" It became a ritual between them. We see a shot of Lily from 2002, wearing the hat and bearing a "Marshmallow" sign, as Marshall deplanes, wearing a "Twins" shirt and saying, "Minne-Cidar. Get it?" In February of 2008, Marshall's picking up Lily again, and she's got the beer. "Aspen Yards Ale. Get it?" Marshall admits he doesn't but Lily doesn't either, so all's well here, except I suddenly have a toothache from the sweet.
At MacLaren's, in January 2009, Marshall announces to Ted that he's not picking Lily up from her trip this time. Lily doesn't see the sense in him taking a cab all the way out to the airport, only to take one back home. Marshall holds his glass of white wine (!) as if he were holding a brandy snifter as he explains, "As the relationship matures, we mature with it." So I guess it wasn't just "Arrivederci, Fiero" , but also arrivederci traditions (and goodbye fun). Sensible, but sad. Ted argues for maintaining the tradition because Lily and Marshall are such an inspiration, and when he sees what they have he knows that's all he wants in the whole world. So of course Barney runs in and tells Ted there's two easy-looking college girls outside, and Ted leaves Marshall and their booth like a bat out of Hell.
Outside, he stammers to the girls about how they're from Arizona and how he's always wanted to see an Arizona license. Barney whispers, "I already ran that play, bro. They're 21. We're good." Not so fast, Barney boy. That cute little blonde you're sparking is Dean Winchester's mom . Now, I'm not saying Dean wouldn't admire your style, but if you were trying it out on his mother, when she was just a wee college girl in the big city, "overkill" wouldn't begin to describe what he'd do to you. I'm just saying. Anyhow, the girls are in town with their band. When Ted suggests he and Barney go hear them play, Barney pulls him back in the bar and gives him a lecture about how they're the older, cooler guys. "If we see them play, we're no better than the bleach-blonde bimbos who flash their boobs at a Van Halen concert." Ted notes to Barney that those girls get to have sex with Van Halen after the show. Barney says, "If you want to have sex with Van Halen, do it on your own time, Ted. We are not the maybe-we-can-come-see-you-play guys. We're the other guys, the older guys who never showed up and whose approval they now crave." Okay, whatever, Barney, but let's back up a tick. Does anyone still want to have sex with Van Halen ? I mean, you can't even find pictures of the band on their website, save a far-away shot of Eddie, and he's standing with two classic cars, which helps anyone look better. Ted realizes Barney's working the Father-Issue angle, and surprisingly, he's all right with that. It seems they're actual wingmen tonight, rather than paying the idea a lot of lip service.
Back outside, they lie to the girls that they have a big meeting and can't make the show. When Ted suggests exchanging phone numbers, Barney drags him back inside and explains that giving someone your phone number gives them the ability to cancel, and then makes a suggestive gesture with his hands as he comments on the only digits he needs. Oh, Barney. You're smoother than that. Outside, they make plans with the girls to meet up at MacLaren's after the show "tomorrow night," but the blonde (whom I'm just going to call Mary Winchester) wonders about the upcoming blizzard. Ted says, " Snow problem." Barney drags him back inside. Again. But only to compliment him on the pun. Heh. Back outside yet again, they firm up plans with the girls, who then leave. Barney then mocks the college girls' stupidity, but celebrates it at the same time, as only Barney can. When Ted second-guesses not getting their numbers, Barney assures him nothing could possibly go wrong, because he doesn't know he's in a sitcom (I don't think; although it's arguable he imagines he is). Just then, the snow begins to fall. In a nice bit of camera work + special effects, the guys look up at the falling snow, and the camera zooms out until we're looking at a weather satellite map of the Northeast, and the entire Atlantic seems to be filled with a snow hurricane, moving towards New York. [ Except I don't think Northeast weather moves east to west like that. But never mind -- it's a sitcom! - Zach ]
Theme song!
Saget!Ted narrates, "Kids, the blizzard of '09 was a monster." PAY ATTENTION HERE: "It snowed for three days straight, which led to three amazing stories ." A still of Marshall and Robin working on the radiator at Ted's place takes up the left hand corner of the screen, while a shot of Lily on her plane fills the right. "I'll start with me and Barney," says Saget!Ted. A still of Ted and Barney at their booth at MacLaren's fills the bottom half of the screen and expands 'til it crowds the other two out. They're the only visible patrons at the pub. Ted thinks the girls aren't coming, but Barney refuses to give up hope. If he lands just one of these girls, he'll have Party School Bingo.
Disinterested, Ted remains silent, but because he's the only other person there, Barney forces him to ask about the game. Barney takes the top 25 schools from Playboy's annual list of party schools, and makes a Bingo board. "All I need is Arizona Tech, which is crazy. In league play, that would normally be designated a free space." Ted asks how many people are in on the game. Barney says, "Oh, it's just me."
Ted finds this confusing. "So what's the point, then?"
Barney, as if speaking to a slow child, says, "The point is... to get five in a row."
"And what do you get when you get five in a row?"
"I get... Bingo?" Imagine Barney saying all his lines in a "Duh," tone of voice, because it was a funny scene, but the humor was all in the delivery. Now, moving right along...
At Ted's apartment, Marshall helps Robin fix the radiator. She can't believe he's not going to pick up Lily at the airport tonight, but he regurgitates his "As we mature, our relationship matures with us" spiel -- right down to the same fey hand gestures. Oh Marshall, never change. Robin points out that Lily is likely to show up with beer for him, anyhow. Flash to Marshall's imagination. Lily and her six pack wandering the airport, calling out for him, but he's not there. A French man approaches her. "Puget Stout. A most exquisite Seattle microbrew. And speaking of six-packs..." The camera pans to Frenchy's mid-section, and he whips up his shirt to reveal one of his own. Lily moans in delight, removes her wedding ring, tosses it over her left shoulder as though it were salt and steals away with Frenchy into the dark recesses of Marshall's imagination. Back in the real world, Marshall hurries into his coat and announces to Robin that he's going to the airport. He can't believe he was so stupid. I can't believe you let Lily talk you into something so heartless, Marshall. Go to the airport. Get your girl. Don't forget to make a cardboard sign!
Next, we see Lily on her plane, in the middle of telling her seatmate all about the end of the airport tradition. "But this time, I didn't bring him a six-pack, because as we mature, the relationship matures with us." Heh, I can see Lily and Marshall coming to their decision and then practicing their rationalization speech aloud, until they have it down pat. Lily's seatmate is a cute, elderly... OH SHUT YOUR HELLMOUTH! Lily's seatmate is the wig lady, a.k.a. dickhead monster from Doublemeat Phallus ! Man, I was hoping after 12 o'clock noon today, I wouldn't have to look at another dic... er... I mean, man, I hope some of you reading at home watched Buffy and know what I'm talking about, because I know I'd never click that link. Anyhow... The dickhead monster is neither dickish nor monstrous in How I Met Your Mother. We leave that to Barney. Here, she's the lovely and talented Pat Crawford Brown , who is playing a cute little old lady who thinks Marshall's so sweet he's just bound to pick Lily up at the airport despite their tradition-ending deal. Lily imagines wandering through the airport to find Marshall wearing his hat and carrying his "Lilypad" sign. She runs to embrace him. Marshall stops her. "Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Where's my beer?" When Lily reminds him they weren't going to do that any more, Marshall turns the "Lilypad" sign around, so it reads, "SOMEONE WITH BEER." And I know Alyson Hannigan's pregnant and all, but I still wish the sign read, "Look into pants," because what the Hell is she wearing? Ignoring my cruelty to the gestating, a tall, willowy (not Willow-y) blonde walks over carrying the goods, and also beer. In a German accent, she says, "I have beer." Marshall says, "A six-pack and you're an appropriate height for me. Let's go, New Lily." He tosses the sign, puts his arm around the blonde and they stroll off together into the dark recesses of Lily's imagination. Back in the real world, Lily says, "Doublemeat is people! It's people! Or vegetables," or possibly that she's going to have to pick up some beer when they land. Just then, the captain announces that they're going to be landing an hour early. Lily lets out a "Yes, woo hoo!" and startles her seatmate. Lily, do not taunt happy fun dickhead monster.
At MacLaren's, Carl tries to kick out Ted and Barney so he can close. They tell him they're waiting for their dates, and ask if they can close for him. Carl says they can't, because they don't know the first thing about running a bar. When Barney says, "Serve the hotties first," Carl's impressed and relents, giving them the keys. They're ordered to shut off the lights and lock up as soon as their girls show up. In order to explain how much it meant to him and Barney to be left in charge, Saget!Ted narrates a flashback in which Ted and Barney have a beer-fueled conversation at Ted's place, and in which Ted declares, "We should buy a bar." Barney is all over that. And when they do, he wants to name it Puzzles . "People will be like, 'Why's it called Puzzles ?' That's the puzzle." And I know they're drunk, because Ted agrees that it's a great name for a bar, and that when they have their bar, they will never have last call. Saget!Ted then compares, "We should buy a bar," with the other ill-advised, five-word sentences every man says in his life: "I can jump that far" (cut to Marshall, on a rooftop); "I'm gonna win her back" (Ted, of course); and "I can trust you guys" (Carl, tonight at MacLaren's... oops). Saget!Ted says they'd come to regret their "We should buy a bar," they just didn't know it yet.
Later at MacLaren's, Barney and Ted make like they're Tom Cruise (in Cocktail , not in couch jumping; don't be glib), in an otherwise empty MacLaren's, as the Beach Boys' "Kokomo" plays, because this is a musical montage, y'all -- or, as we like to say, "filler." But it's cute filler.
At the airport, Lily's just hanging up with the liquor store (or as we like to call it in Boston, "the packy"), confirming they have the beer she's looking for, when she runs into Ranjit. He's holding a sign that reads "Rachel Sondheimer," who happens to walk up as he's grilling Lily about her lack of both Marshall and six-pack. When he learns of Lily's plight, Ranjit ditches Rachel to take Lily from the airport to the "Brewniverse" in East Meadow, and then back -- in an hour.
At MacLaren's, Barney and Ted are getting sloppier in their bartender antics. Finally the girls show up. After Mary Winchester thanks God that the guys are still here, the brunette says, "I don't know if you guys have ever seen Star Wars, but it's like Hoth out there." Ted quickly calls dibs on her. Then poor little Mary Winchester says that it reminds her of going sledding with her dad, until he left (and we Supernatural fans recognize "left" as code for "got possessed by the Yellow-Eyed Demon and extracted a promise from her that would endanger the lives and souls of [her] future husband and sons "), so of course Barney calls dibs on her. Dear Dean, Please don't kill him. We lurve him. Brunette girl mentions she invited the rest of the band to meet up with them. Mary Winchester confesses that they're hoping to get drunk -- really drunk, like her dad used to. Barney leans into Ted's ear. "Dibsity dibsity dibsity!" Hee. When Ted agrees to keep the bar open a little longer, he has no idea that the band is the entire Arizona Tech Fighting Hens Marching Band, and finds out only once the bar is full to overflowing with college kids.
Ted tries to have a telepathic conversation with Barney, because that worked so well with Stella : Dude, Carl's going to kill us if we don't kick everyone out of here right now.
Barney's Brain: Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya. Barney's eyebrows dance to the beat.
Ted's Brain: Barney, I'm serious. We promised we wouldn't mess the place up.
Barney's Brain: Bermuda, Bahamas, come on pretty mama. The face dancing continues.
Ted's Brain: All right; I guess you have a point. Ted and Barney face the crowd, and Ted announces "The bar is open," as the patrons scream and pump their fists in delight.
In the car, as Robin drives Marshall to the airport, she tells him she thinks they're being stupid. She doesn't understand the big deal over one little ritual fading out. Marshall explains that all their little rituals are slowly dying off. "Do you know what we used to do every day, the second I got home?" Robin says, "Oh man, I don't want to hear about your crazy monkey sex." Marshall ignores this and explains that they used to tell each other what they had to each that day while apart. Of course after the menu comparison, his story starts to veer off into crazy monkey sex territory.
In the Town Car, where Lily is telling the same story, Ranjit says, "Oh, Lily, TMI -- too many informations." Hee. Lily also misses their lunchtime phone call to say they loved one another. She flashes back to one in particular, in which Marshall had to talk to her in legalese, because he was in a meeting at work.
LILY: "Hey, baby, it's lunchtime, and I love you."
MARSHALL: "I reciprocate in principle, although with the caveat that there seems to be..." he looks around his office, full of co-workers and/or clients, "a bit of a surplus here on my end."
LILY: "No, I love you more!"
MARSHALL: "Do we need to get in a room together and bang this thing out?" By the look on Marshall's face, it's clear Lily says something provocative to him, but we don't get to hear her. Once he can speak, Marshall adds, "Those sound like agreeable terms, although I may need to adjust my briefs..." and then after all that code, "Love you, too." Adorkable!
In the car with Robin, Marshall confesses that when Lily called today, he let the call go to voicemail. But the thing he missed most was kissing on New Year's Eve. In Ranjit's car, we learn from Lily that she and Marshall slept through midnight. I think my husband and I might have too, if our kids hadn't kept us up.
Robin tells Marshall all these adorable rituals are stupid -- like children playing house. Marshall bites back, telling her that maybe she thinks they're stupid because she's never been in a relationship long enough to develop them. He says she doesn't understand love and compares her to a robot (complete with an awesome robot voice) that can't make human feelings compute. Whoa, what a major low blow ( Major Lowblow! ) Robin does her best (but not that good) robot voice, as she pulls the car over into the breakdown lane, and refuses to drive any further until Marshall apologizes, but all he'll say is that his robot was a million times better.
At MacLaren's, one of the band members reports to Ted and Barney that the trough in the bathroom is overflowing. Do you guys have troughs in your bathrooms? The hell? Never mind. I don't want to know. [ We try not to think about the fact that we're basically peeing in a ditch. - Z ] Ted points out that there's no trough in the MacLaren's bathroom, and that college boy just exited the kitchen . Ew ew ew! I'd be kicking them out right then, with actual kicks. Meanwhile, Barney's so panicked he can't remember the ingredients to a gin and tonic. Ted realizes it sucks to run a bar and says they should close up. Barney reminds him of their old, "There's no last call" pledge, when the phone rings. Barney answers it with a "Puzzles" only to hear Carl on the other end, saying he'll be back in five minutes. Barney rings the last call bell and the students protest.
Robin and Marshall sit in silence in the breakdown lane, until Marshall sees a snowplow coming and tells her they need to get back on the road. Robin's so busy ranting to Marshall about being a "love snob" that she ignores his point -- which is that they'll get plowed in, if they don't move right away. This happens more than once. Finally, she's so pissed that she decides to leave the breakdown lane, but not because of the snowplow and not to continue on to the airport, but rather to go home. Of course that's when the plow passes by and completely buries them. She'd been so caught up in her rant, all she can say is, "What just happened?"
Lily rushes into Brewniverse and asks after the Seattle micro-brew she called about, earlier. The shop owner says it's a good thing she called because he was getting ready to close up because of the big storm, then he rambles on about it being the storm of the century and yet it's too early to be any such thing, and that perhaps it's storm of the year, although again, it's rather early into the year. Lily tells him as kindly as she can that they're in a hurry. The owner compliments Ranjit and Lily on being such a cute couple. As Ranjit thanks him, Lily makes clear in word and expression that they're no such thing. The owner says, "Thank God! That would be weird." I think they hurt Ranjit's feelings. Harumph. Anyhow, all he has is a keg, and Ranjit has a no-keg rule in his car, thanks to having too much experience scraping dried vomitus off the seats, so Lily has to bribe him $50 to take (and carry) the keg for her.
Marshall apologizes to Robin and talks about how different people love in different ways, and says that she's not a robot unless she's a highly advanced model that can take over the earth (so, Cylon?) and blah blah blah. His main point is: "One thing I do know is that if she's there sitting at the airport alone, I have to go get her. Those are the rules." Touched, Robin turns toward him and tells him to close his eyes. Marshall shifts in his seat. "I don't know how you heard any of that as me hitting on you, but..." Robin tells him to just do it, and then she opens the sunroof. The snow comes pouring inside the car. Robin says, "Now let's go get your woman," and then climbs out the top.
Barney and Ted hustle everyone out of the bar. As the last few band members leave, they overhear two guys saying that one day they'll own a bar, and they'll never have last call. Ted looks at Barney, and jumps down from his perch. "Come on, Barney. We said no last call. We've got to mean it." Barney reminds him Carl is due any minute and wonders what they can do. Ted says there's only one thing they can do, and we...
Flash to Ted's apartment. They've moved the party upstairs and the kids are all having a rowdy time. A drunken Ted proclaims to Barney that running a bar is a pain in the ass, and that they should just stick to what they know. Barney agrees, and then he has what you can tell he thinks is a great idea: "We should start a band!"
Ted says, "Of course we should start a band! How have we not started a band yet?
As Marshall (with Lilypad sign and hat) and Robin enter the airport, Saget!Ted narrates: "Kids, sometimes in life the planets align, everything links up, and your timing is perfect." Lily, pushing the keg on a dolly, calls out for Marshall as she looks around. Marshall looks around for Lily as he calls out for her. They each call out for the other again, but don't find one another. Dejected, Lily wheels her dolly over to a waiting area and sits on a bench. Marshall walks over and sits on the same bench. They don't look at each other. As Saget!Ted says, "This wasn't one of those times," the screen splits. Marshall and Lily are on the same bench, but it seems not at the same time. Marshall says, "Where is she?" Robin replies that she's in Seattle; her flight's cancelled; it never took off. Marshall starts to protest -- she would have called him...and then he realizes he didn't pick up when she called, and never checked his voice mail messages. When he does, he hears this: "Hey, baby, it's me. My flight's been canceled because of some snowstorm, and they couldn't re-book me 'til Thursday, so I'm stuck here for another two days. But it's lunchtime, and I love you." And we see Lily, in totally different clothes than she's been wearing for most of the episode (but she still needs to look into pants!).
Saget!Ted reminds us it was a three-day storm. Over a shot of Marshall and Robin driving to the airport in the snow, and Robin telling him how stupid it is, there's a title card that reads: "tuesday." Marshall asks Robin not to mention they came to pick Lily up, because he feels so dumb.
Barney and Ted were making like Tom Cruise on Wednesday. And Marshall joined the party when it moved to Ted's apartment that night. While he's explaining to Ted that he really won't be picking up Lily, a drunken student (possibly played by the very same actor who played the French guy of Marshall's dream) [ Are you sure it's not the trough-peeing guy? - Z ] thanks Ted and crew and says if they ever need anything from the Fighting Hens, they should just ask.
Lily arrives back in NYC and goes to the Brewniverse on Thursday. And it is on Thursday, that Lily sits on the bench. Alone. That is, she's alone until a young man sits next to her. He starts playing, "Auld Lang Syne" on his clarinet. Lily looks half sad, half annoyed. Two buglers (I think) join in from the other side of the waiting area. Then tubas and slide trombones and any number of instruments -- like, oh, say, you might find in a marching band such as the Fighting Hens of Arizona Tech -- all join in. Marshall enters, wearing his chauffeur cap, and carrying his "Lilypad" sign. Lily glows as she rises to her feet. Marshall says, "A muffin, a pastrami sandwich, and a bag of chips. And I know it's way past lunchtime, but I love you. More and more each day, I love you, Lily. Happy New Year." He's near tears. Lily's near tears. Heck, I'm near tears. They kiss, and the band plays on. When the song ends, Marshall and Lily end their kiss. He says, "Um, wait, does this mean that I have to bring a marching band to the airport from now on?"
Lily grabs onto his coat and nods her head, vigorously. "Absolutely, it does."
"Crap." They kiss again, and the band plays an up-tempo version of "Auld Lang Syne" as poor Rachel Sondheimer wanders by lost and alone, carrying her own name on a sign.
End tag: Ted's sitting on the couch with the pretty brunette. When he says, "Puzzles," she replies, "That is a great band name," then asks if he's seen Amanda. (I think she means Mary Winchester, and maybe she should learn her friend's name, huh?) Barney pushes open the bathroom door, shirt undone so we get another look at those lovely NPH abs and pants slightly undone, and you know why. But in case you don't, he shouts, "BINGO!" then stumbles back and closes the door and we fade to black. There's no new episode next week, so we all have time to rest up for February sweeps.
Discuss this episode in our forums , then read up on "awesome," "lawyered" and "Major Lowblow" in HIMYM: The New Verbiage !
It's possible Cindy McLennan yelled out "Bingo" while watching the inauguration. But she'll never tell... or will she? You can e-mail her yourself at CynthiaMcLennan[at]gmail.com to find out.