Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend
Updated 2007-04-02 17:00:00
Random New Girl on the Island a.k.a. Nikki stumbles out of the woods and into the middle of Hurley and Sawyer's ping-pong game. She drops to the ground muttering about her new starring role on the American version of Footballer's Wives. Sawyer and Hurley gather the Lostaways to solve the mystery. They rush into the jungle only to find Random New Guy Whose Name I Never Learned (a.k.a. Paolo) lying dead in the middle of the path. Since neither had any obvious signs of trauma, their deaths are a mystery that can only be solved by a massive dose of flashbacks.
Turns out that Nikki and Paolo are diamond thieves, murderers, and general nogoodniks. They killed some old guy back in Australia and stole his diamonds. After the plane crash they spent all their time looking for the carry-on bag with the diamonds, which totally explains why we didn't see them for two and a half seasons. See? It all makes sense! Anyway, as all Lost fans know, Craphole Island no likey thieving nogoodnik murderers. Once Nikki realizes that Paolo found the diamonds and hadn't told her about it, she is determined to get them back. When Sawyer (in a rare moment of clear-headedness) won't give her a gun she does what any sensible Girl Scout would do: she uses a rare paralyzing spider to knock him out and steal the diamonds. But then she gets bitten by one of the spider's friends! Wait. Paralyzing spider? That means they're paralyzed! They're not dead! They're not dead! Well, maybe now they are.
And Shannon, Boone? We donât really miss you.