Creative Writing
Updated 2008-04-18 19:21:51
Well, this is going to be a weird one to weecap. If you didn't see the episode, it's a series of fantasy sequences, so the episode is not that plot-driven and a lot of the jokes are visual in nature. But I bet if you were high? This episode was AWESOME.
Earl? Still in prison. Lying in his bunk at night, voice-overing about how nighttime is his favorite time in prison, because it's "dark and peaceful." At least until the outside lights come on, flooding the room with light. So Earl feels trapped. Darnell feels trapped, because he has to boil crabs, when he thinks it's cruel. Catalina feels trapped because she has to dance for creeps for a living. One such patron (holding flowers and a rope) comes to the dressing room asking, "Is that Latina girl going to be walking to her car soon? Because they're really strict about curfew at the halfway house." Randy feels trapped because he got his hands stuck in the pickle jar, trying to get "the baby one at the bottom." Joy feels trapped by her bratty kids. One of them is wearing Joy's thong on his head like a pirate patch, and she tells him to remove it because he "had pinkeye last week." Ew.
Earl takes a creative writing class in prison. The teacher, an older lady, is wearing a helmet and head-to-toe bullet proof body armor. The mother of one of my high school classmates used to teach English to prisoners in Attica. I bet she's got some stories. Anyway, the teacher tells the prisoners that writing can help them escape from prison, if only in their minds. She passes out pads of paper, and Earl gets fired up about writing, at least until one prisoner stabs another with a pen.
Earl lies in his bunk, trying to write, but he's finding he has no imagination. His bunkmate Sonny wants to know how to spell hematoma for his story about beating up a gymnast, and Earl accuses him of making up words. Sonny advises Earl to close his eyes and look inside his brain ("like when you're driving on meth"), so Earl gives it a shot. We see Earl standing in a blank white room. He's soon joined by a gymnast with a black eye. Earl doesn't want him there, but the gymnast can't leave until Earl stops thinking about him. Kind of like the polar bear.
Cut to Earl erasing some lines, explaining to Randy about his writer's block. Randy is inspired and grabs the pad and pencil. So what's in Randy's imagination? Think about every bad '80s action show, and that's a good start. Randy and his buddy/sidekick H.R. Pufnstuf are working out when there's a call about Earl being in trouble at the Crab Shack. Randy proclaims, "Now trouble's in trouble," and calls for his orangutan to drive them over there. They drive away, and apparently it's a long drive, because they go through the desert, and then the snow, and then the desert again. At the Crab Shack, Randy spies a sumo wrestler guarding the door, and some puppet snipers in the trees. He uses his X-ray vision to see Earl and Catalina tied up inside, surrounded by boxes that say ACME, and guarded by ninjas. The bad guy, who is wearing a white suit and has a horn like a rhinoceros on his head, says that Randy will never get inside. Earl thinks they're done for, and confesses that his mustache actually belongs to Randy. But wait! Randy and H.R. have arrived, via the magic of a shrinking machine that allowed them to crawl under the door. The four ninjas strike fighting poses as Randy and H.R. grow back to normal size. They fight. Randy's stunt double looks nothing like him, but I wasn't sure if that was on purpose or not. One of the ninjas is revealed to be Joy, who tells Randy to finish her off. Randy says, "I'd never hurt a lady." Joy sighs with relief, and Randy snaps her neck saying, "Lucky for me, you're no lady." He frees Earl, and then hits the jukebox to make it start playing. Cheerleaders run out and start shaking a tail feather. The fantasy sequence ends, and Earl comments that the doctor told them long ago that Randy was "borderline artistic." I think the doctor must have had a speech impediment.
Earl is inspired to try to write again. He's back in the white room, and the gymnast shows up. Earl says no one is interested in stories about gymnasts. The gymnast snarks, "Apparently, you've never seen Profiles in Courage: The Kerri Strug Story ." Or my favorite movie when I was like 11, American Anthem . He does gymnastics! In the woods! Using tree branches! I gotta rent that one. Anyway, Earl cops to having seen the movie, and crying.
At home, Joy is still annoyed with her messy kids. Randy suggests that she write a story to cheer herself up. Joy realizes that the boys haven't done their homework yet, and she tells them to do it immediately and get in bed...by midnight. Heh. The boys whine some more, causing Joy to sit down and take a writing break. Joy's whole story is animated. It's a fairy tale about two little brats with a mom who has "the face of Princess Diana and the body of a porn star." As the kids brat that Joy is mean, Joy says she's not because "mean is not being able to drink daiquiris for nine months and still having your kids come out lazy-brained." Joy grabs the kids and flies off through the sky. It's a cartoon. Go with it. She shows them Cartoon Earl as an example of someone who didn't do homework. Joy gives him a math problem about a train, which Earl fails to solve, and thus gets hit by a train. To convince the kids to take a bath, Joy shows them Cartoon Randy, who was such a slob that everything started sticking to him, and he rolled Katamari Damacy style down the street. Even mountains and Canada stuck to him. Eventually, he went flying off the Earth and landed on God's desk, and God smashed him with his "World's Best God" coffee mug. Joy concludes the story by reminding her kids that if they don't listen to her, God will kill them. Darnell says, "While I disagree with your view of a conventionally anthropomorphic God, I respect your use of that myth to discipline them rascally boys." Joy says that she's always been creative, and offers up the things she yells at the movie screen, and her excellent Mad-Libs: "The purple Christina Aguilera flew into the horny Carol Burnett." I would think Joy's Mad-Libs would be dirtier.
Earl VOs that even Darnell was able to write a story. Darnell sings a song about how he feels guilty for boiling crabs and he begs people to "respect the meat." He's joined by his backup singers, Joy and Catalina. And then Earl does a rap. And then JOY does a rap. And then Randy does a Barry White spoken word thing. And there's a dance number. I really can't describe it's awesomeness - just watch it .
Catalina, digging into a crab, laments that she doesn't have any time to write, due to her two jobs. But she found time, while ducking from the creep who shows up looking for her with a hacksaw and a garbage bag. Catalina's story is done telenovela style, and it's called, "Catalina: Woman of a Thousand Tears." First, Catalina is crying tears of relief, because she won't have to dance now that she has enough money to pay off her brother's kidnappers. Then she cries tears of gratitude when Darnell gives her some churros . She adds that her rich fiancé will be arriving in town tomorrow - except he walks in the door right then. And he doesn't know that Catalina is a dancer. Which makes Catalina cry "tears for fears." She runs out the back door, but the evil Joy (who's holding a chicken for no reason) vows to ruin Catalina's ruse, because Catalina is prettier. Catalina goes to do her final dance, and Joy leads the fiancé into the room. He shakes his head in disgust and walks out while Joy cackles evilly. Later, Catalina confronts her fiancé, who calls her a cheap tramp. Catalina sobs, then turns it off immediately and explains that she danced to win her brother's freedom. Her fiancé is won over, and they kiss dramatically as Joy shakes her fist at them. After a quick break so Joy can announce the sponsor ("Frijoles de Garcia"), Catalina announces that she's not crying tears of happiness.
Back in prison, Earl laments that he's the only one who has no creativity. He tries doing pull-ups with H.R. Pufnstuf, doing the crab dance, and even wearing Catalina's red evening gown. Finally, he's crushed by God's mug.
"Ripple" by the Grateful Dead starts up. Ah, college. Anyway, Earl says that he couldn't come up with fancy storylines, so he just started writing down regular stuff, about sitting around at the Crab Shack with his friends and eating chicken wings. He adds, "When you lose your every day life, that becomes your fantasy."
Earl reads the story to his prison writing class, and they love it. They make him read the part about the chicken wings a second time: "The wings were hot, but not spicy, and the celery was warm and bendy like I like it." The other prisoners, just as homesick as Earl, give him a standing ovation. Earl grins.