We pick up with the girls of "Girls" not long after we left them in last season's finale, and not much has changed. Hannah is still intertwined with Adam -- following his accident, which she feels responsible for, she's bringing him painkillers and granola bars and holding his bedpan for him -- and still wearing unflattering vintage dresses. She's also still cuddling with roommates, although now it's Elijah instead of Marnie (and Elijah's morning "boner" is still not for Hannah). Marnie is still having a hard time accepting her break-up with Charlie, and Jessa is still married to Thomas-John. (Their only appearance in the episode is upon their return from their honeymoon; Jessa doesn't know where to tell the airport cab driver to go. "I don't know where we live!" She thinks that's hilarious; we're giving that relationship two episodes.)
But it's not all the same. Hannah's sexually embroiled with Sandy (Donald Glover of "Community," and the co-writer of the episode swears they went with that storyline before the backlash against the show's monochrome casting started). In a cast from hip to toe, Adam is vulnerable physically, and emotionally as well, tossing off comments like "when you love someone you don't have to be nice all the time" that make Hannah reluctant to admit she's moved on to Sandy, even though she and Adam did break up. (Probably because it freaked her out that a guy actually wanted her back. Adam himself naturally isn't into "labels," and seems to consider their not being together a technicality.)
Shoshanna gave her virginity to Ray, but Ray didn't want to date her. Stung, she unfriended him on Facebook (as you do), and performed a sage-burning ceremony designed to "ruin Ray's life" (as…only Shoshanna would do), but they run into each other at Elijah and Hannah's housewarming. As he watches her try to find her sparkly handbag in a pile of coats in the bedroom, he's charmed all over again by her Lifetime-channel insights on self-respect and her "oh-em-eff-gee" pronouncements. He sweeps her into a smoochy Rhett-Butlerian embrace, and sloshes his beer everywhere.
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And at the end of the party, after everyone else has left, she and Elijah bond over karaoke. Elijah complains that everyone makes fun of bisexuals… and then he and Marnie start to have sex, Marnie to hold it over Hannah, Elijah to… well, probably hold it over Hannah, and also because he's weirding himself out admitting that his older boyfriend is totally a sugar daddy… and then they stop when Elijah accuses Marnie of rolling her eyes at him and killing his erection. The fact that she's Marnie and not Arnie is no doubt what's really responsible, but either way, it's horribly awkward as they scramble for their clothes.
Marnie goes over to Charlie's and asks forlornly if she can just sleep next to him; she's lonely because she's kind of a b----, and she's kind of a b---- because she's lonely. Hannah, having kicked Elijah's drunk sugar daddy out of the party and delivered Adam's medication, heads over to Sandy's, strips off her clothes, and flops onto his bed for a well-deserved (she thinks) booty call. So we end more or less where we began, with everyone thinking they're figuring things out, and failing.
Hannah's Klueless Korner
Hannah and Elijah spend part of a scene discussing the "theme nights" they plan to have as roommates. When Elijah suggests a Parisian salon night, she thinks he means a hair salon. (A rare misstep in the writing. Hannah is dense about others' feelings, but she'd know what a salon is.)
When Elijah needs Hannah's help deep-sixing George from the party, he has to bribe her with a promise that she can talk about Adam as much as she wants. Hannah, offended: "I don't talk about Adam that much!" Elijah, exhausted: "Hannah. Are you f------ kidding me."
Trying to distance herself from Adam, she sighs, "I've tried this whole thing of being selfless," then goes on to act like she's too much of a giver. HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA, "selfless." Besides handling the bedpan, her selflessness seemed to consist chiefly of asking whether Adam wanted to change the channel from the Bollywood movie she wanted to watch. (Correction: An eagle-eyed reader tells us that was "Bye Bye Birdie." Apologies!) Move over, Mother Teresa.
"Girls" airs Sundays at 9 PM on HBO.
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