Welcome to the "Let's bash on Brandi" segment of this three-part
"Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" reunion -- but at least in her case,
she bites back. Thank God for her, or else we would have fallen asleep
during the episode.
What Not to Wear
Brandi had to
defend her itty-bitty bikini, her nipple-exposing tops, and her
borderline skanky outfits, and she did so with aplomb. Her response to
all the critiques was that she always dresses how she feels --
comfortable and confident -- and "at least I had a top on." Also, her
definition of what's too far? Exposing your labia. So watch out, because
we've got a feeling Season 3 will show even more skin.
Kill or Be Killed
Taylor, who is currently more than a little sensitive about the subject
of death (and understandably so), took the utmost offense to Brandi
saying she wanted to kill Kyle. We'd be in jail for life if we were
convicted every time we said we could just kill someone. Some things are
jokes, people. Lighten up.
Miss Manners
When did
people get so uppity about etiquette? They spent at least 10 minutes of
the episode harping on whether a dog should drink out of a champagne
flute, and how knowing information made you guilty.
Curses!
When Andy did his James Lipton impression, the best profanity that
Camille could come up with was "poopy stink"? Camille, are you 5 years
old?
Lunch and Learn
Everyone was shocked that
Taylor and Lisa became insta-friends after the tea party, and Camille
was insulted that Taylor threw her under the bus for "not having her
back." She thinks that Taylor was the instigator there, even though she
was crying about Lisa not being her enemy.
Do You Believe the Dead Guy?
Brandi is a font of gossip -- can we keep her around, always? She
exposed Adrienne for talking behind Lisa's back, and she said that
Russell told her that Taylor forced him to send the email to Camille.
Russell claimed he felt bad because he liked Camille. If looks could
kill, Brandi would be dead right now. Taylor insists that Russell was
just a master manipulator.
Slash and Burn
The
thing we like best about the brassy Brandi is that she just owns all the
crap she does, and pulls no punches. When Taylor dragged out a tabloid
report about Brandi slitting her ex's tires, Brandi immediately
acknowledged that it was true, noting that she owned the motorcycles and
thus was destroying half her own property. And when Kyle said Brandi
accidentally sent her a text saying that Kyle was the C-word, Brandi
fessed up to that, too. Whoops!
By the Book
Brandi
was the only one in the room to say that it was more than a little bit
weird that Taylor was cashing in on her husband's death by publishing a
book "a hot minute" after he committed suicide. Taylor tried to claim it
was to help other victims of domestic violence. While that may be true,
Brandi may not be completely wrong, either.
Suicide Is Painless?
Andy asked Taylor about the contents of the briefcase found next to
Russell and about his also-dead business partner. Taylor hinted that
maybe Russell's business partner murdered him, but her answer is saved
for next week. Or maybe that's just what the editing was getting at, but
still, that could be a pretty libelous pause.
There was more random stuff about Camille not being a bitch and dating a hot guy and Kim and Kyle's awful codependent relationship, but nothing all that exciting. Here's hoping some real fireworks fly next week.
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