Why do people love to hate Gwyneth Paltrow? Is it because she is so tall and pretty and blonde and she married a British dude with good teeth (but a bland band) and we are all super jealous? No! Well sort of. But really it’s because she says stupid, ignorant things, and seems to be unaware of the fact that there are people in the world who aren't multi-millionaires with a penchant/obsession for ultra elitist living. Once again, super snob Gwyneth Paltrow has proved she is totally out of touch with the 99% of the population when she recently told InStyle magazine that she doesn’t allow her absurdly named wee ones, Apple and Moses, to watch TV in English. Apparently, only Romance languages French or Spanish will do for Gwyneth's offspring -- because they are better than your kids.
Gwyneth told the magazine in their September issue that Apple was "cross" at her because of the TV restrictions. She said, "I only let them watch TV in French or Spanish." She added, "When I'm in France, I go to [Boulevard] Beaumarchais and buy all their cartoons."
Great. Aren’t you just so fabulous? What we really need is two more little fancy pants Paltrows running around merry old England in Gwyneth's deluded footsteps, touting the joys of macrobiotic diets and how you all simply must pop over to Spain for a quick holiday jaunt. Actually no, we don’t need that.
And what the hell is wrong with English? Has English suddently become passe? Personally, I have no issues with French or Spanish, if my brain had any grasp on languages I'd love to know both, but that’s just such vomit-inducing, eye-rolling information I want to scream at the actress – "You are turning your kids into haughty a$$holes!" Even her kids don’t like it. I am sure they are just starring at the TV being like, "Uhhhh …yeah can’t we just watch some radical Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles dudes or like those Tom and Jerry cat/mice guys?" No, Apple and Moses – you can't. Not on Mommy's watch. Because Gwyneth's kids are better than your kids.
Keep in mind, this new pretentious statement is coming from the woman who last year told Elle Décor magazine that a few of her favorite things she couldn’t live without were: De Gournay Hand-Painted Wallpaper (priced at around $650 a panel/$12,000 a room), three Charles Edwards Star Lanterns (after scouring the internet, I can’t find the price anywhere -- it’s that expensive), an Antonio Lupi Baia Tub (according to their showroom, it’s priced at $9,731) that is in the middle of her bedroom, and Darren Almond's photography (prices range from $3,000 up to $17,000). Way to stay in touch with the everyman, Goop.
I eagerly await the day when Gwyneth "Let Them Eat Cake" Paltrow tells homeless people (in a fake British accent) that all they need to do is to shape up is to purchase a vegan, gluten-free, portable shower for a mere 8,000 pounds (who uses dollars anymore?!) – and they will be golden, all their dreams realized, problems solved.
But until that eagerly anticipated time, I will just rejoice in how easy Gwynnypants makes it for me to love to hate her.
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- Gwyneth Paltrow