The show's eligibility requirements clearly state, "All applicants must be single. To qualify as 'single' the applicant must not currently be involved in a committed intimate relationship, which includes: any marital relationship (whether or not the parties are separated or currently in the process of divorcing or annulling such marriage); any co-habitation relationship involving physical intimacy; or a monogamous dating relationship more than two (2) months in duration."
Hardly rocket science, right? So why oh why do we have yet another bachelor who tried to sneak in for some group dating action while he's still in a relationship? The latest philanderer is Brian Jarosinski, who previously assured "Bachelorette" star Desiree Hartsock that his last relationship ended recently -- but that it definitely ended.
Um, perhaps Brian would like to explain that to the hopping mad lady who's stomping through the mansion to meet Des? Yep, another bachelor had some 'splaining to do on this week's episode of "The Bachelorette."
A little birdy told me
On this show, when the phone rings and it's Chris Harrison, the news can't be good. Des found that one out quickly when the host with the most gave her an early morning wake-up call to give her the scoop on this season's cad: "I have some bizarre news about one of your guys," he informed her. Chris instructed a horrified Des to go over to the mansion and "have a conversation" with Brian while he took care of the rest.
When Des plucked an unsuspecting Brian out of the gaggle of guys and took him outside for a one-on-one chat, he looked confused. She proceeded to grill him on his past relationships and his current intentions, saying she was just checking to make sure he was there for the right reasons. "I feel something very strongly for you," he assured her. "I think my past relationship, while it was, you know, a short time ago, was one of those ones... that was really over a long time ago."
"Do you know how she feels about it?" Des asked him of his ex. "Because she's actually here."
And there it went. Because while three's definitely a crowd on a show that aims to find a happily ever after, never before has an angry girlfriend showed up on camera. The raven-haired single mom, Stephanie, tearfully called Brian out (the crying quickly turned to shouting), while he proclaimed his innocence, saying they were on a "break." (Wait... is this Ross and Rachel from "Friends"?) In the end, Des made short work of this guy, and his national TV debut was over.
The girlfriend card has been played before on "The Bachelorette." On Season 5, country-crooning bad boy Wes Hayden bragged to the other guys about his girlfriend back home, and on Season 6, Justin "Rated R" Rego's hometown girl actually called "Bachelorette" star Ali Fedotowsky on the phone to inform her that he was leading on two other women. That same season, Frank Neushaefer dropped this bombshell on Ali while they were on the overnight dates in Tahiti: He was still in love with his ex-girlfriend and was heading back to the States before the rose ceremony. (Hey, isn't "The Bachelorette" supposed to be the heartbreaker?)
For the record, Chris Harrison told TV Guide that while the show's screening process is thorough, it's clearly not foolproof. "There are things you just aren't able to find [out]. We can vet the psychological profiles, do drug testing and test for STDs, but unless we have the time and the money to vet someone like a Chief Justice in the Supreme Court, you have to take their word as, 'I'm single and available.' And the thing about our show is that, sadly, it's not predicated on the fact that everyone is honest and true. We're hoping to find 25 great guys, but that's life and this is the bulls--- people deal with trying to date."
Dodging balls and cattle calls
But back to this week's show: With another two-timer out the door, it was time for Des to go on some serious dates. Her group dodgeball date for 10 (11 counting her) ended with Brooks and a broken finger, but while he was in the ER, she was private dancing with Chris (no, not Harrison!) at a private concert by singer Kate Earl.
Kasey earned the one-on-one date, which wasn't exactly one on one because they were joined by dance troupe Bandaloop to dance on the side of buildings. And next up, it was cowboy boot camp -- where Zak, James, Juan Pablo, Dan, and Bryden learned the ropes from real cowboys. Yee haw! Juan Pablo traded his soccer ball for a bucket of popcorn when he snuggled in for a VIP screening of "The Lone Ranger" movie with Des, and he also lassoed a few kisses. Later, Des ditched the cocktail party for a pool party (What's the difference? Both still involve alcohol), while Ben snuck away for some alone time in the Bentley with Des.
The pool party culminated with a speed-dating session -- Des literally gave each guy mere minutes to impress her -- and Brandon went into his spiel of how his dad left him when he was 5 and how his mom's boyfriends would disappear overnight. He also made the mistake of telling Des he was falling in love with her, then told her he had a secret as leaned in for a kiss. "That's your secret?" she asked him dryly. Awkward.
Finally it was rose ceremony time, and this week's thorny procession meant the end of the road for Dan and Brandon. Brandon's tearjerker of a response: "Someone left me again."
Watch the full episode now:
"The Bachelorette" Season 9 airs on Mondays at 8 PM on ABC.
More from this contributor:'The Bachelorette' Week 2: Des Gets a Bad Rap
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