Kim Kardashian's marathon wedding special lasted for four hours on t wo nights on E!. I can truly say that "Kim's Fairytale Wedding: A Kardashian Event" was the best wedding that I've never attended. Let us recap, shall we?
The bride, Lady Kardashian, was shining of course in all of her Vera Wang three gown extravaganza. The groom Kris Humphries was as dashing as a smart-talking, sarcastic guy that is easy not to like can be. Now, if this sounds like a recipe made for disaster, it is. Or at least it would usually be. But these are the Kardashians, people! And if you called off your Dash-ing wedding you might have to give the E! Network's money back. So here's how it all went down.
3 Ways to Almost Ruin A Kardashian Event
1. Attempt to Change Your Name.
There was much drama surrounding whether Kim K. would take on her new hubby's name making her Kim Humphries. Most modern brides have this discussion as our original "maiden" names may have ties to our work, but they definitely are tied into our selves. Then there's also the whole patriarchy thing of your name symbolizing ownership switching from your dad to your dude. That's Women's Studies 101.
With Kimmie the convo was more heated, of course. Kris H, it turns out, is a traditional dude. Kim, as her momager Kris Jenner shrieked, "is incorporated!!!" At the last minute she decides (she being both Kris and her mom as one unit) that it will be Kardashian for life, baby. Great idea as this is her second marriage and umpteenth engagement. We say that with love and humor.
Kris' ideas for products after the name change included a "Hump Rope" and a booty icon for Kim. Kris J may think that she's joking but that Hump Rope might have sold like wildfire.
2. Have a Family Feud.
Family feuds on the Kardashians? Such a thing is unheard of. Except for every week on "Keeping Up With The Kardashians." But that's why fans like us love to tune in. It reminds us of our own families that we're no longer speaking to.
Kris Humphries seemed to be fighting with everyone in the Kardashian family including his bride. His biggest beef was with Khloe, who by the way deleted her middle name to become Khloe Kardashian Odom. Kris H. and Khloe seemed to be fighting about who would earn the right to be the rude, abrasive one in the family. For perfect family dynamics you need only one.
Side note: Absolutely nothing happened in part one of "Kim's Fairytale Wedding." If you're watching on DVR you can skip that and go straight to part two. Interestingly, they never showed Kris H.'s mom. She must have not agreed to be filmed. The same for Kim's bestie LaLa Vazquez who was weirdly absent from the wedding party although her hubby Carmelo Anthony was present. Maybe I blinked when the gorgeous Brody Jenner showed up and missed her.
3. Create Random Drama.
The over the top gift registry included Hermes plates for $150 a pop. And you thought that your cousin Becky was asking too much. We didn't see this as bridezilla behavior, however. If you can get it, bombshell, go ahead and ask for it. When I wondered if the whole thing smacked of a little "let them eat cake" while most of the country is still in recession, I hit twitter to see that K-Fam fans and even haters were gushing and loving it. Maybe we all needed a little KK aspirational drama in our lives for four hours. I'm just sayin.'
The joint bachelor-bachelorette parties in Las Vegas may have seemed like a recipe for disaster but they made it all work. Only attempt this if you and your beloved can stay completely separate as the Kard-Humps did. And yes, his boys were complaining about flying commercial.
If your mom is trying to spruce up her face before your wedding she may not want to opt for a full facelift like Kris J did. We must admit however that she did look lovely when she was all healed. Kim and Mama Kris really do look alike. While her plastic surgery was only mildly annoying, the Living Social product placement was downright disgusting. It was most gross that Kris Jenner said, "Kylie's so smart. She discovered a great new site named Living Social." Ugh.
Is nothing sacred? We guess not. Silly us.
Cheers!
Congrats to our favorite newlyweds. We wish you every happiness, Kim and Kris. May the reality TV cameras catch you only when you want them to, and may your house be filled with a bevy of kids with names that start annoyingly with "K."
More from this contributor:
My Passionista "Kim's Fairytale Wedding" Wedding Guide for Brides-To-Be & Fans
The Official Kim Kardashian Wedding Countdown: Suggested Wedding Music Playlist
The Kim Kardashian Wedding Extravaganza: Fun, New Details
The Kim Kardashian Wedding: 3 Creative Wedding Ideas to Borrow
Kim Kardashian Creates Custom Wedding Fragrance
Kim Kardashian Wedding Kountdown: A History of Kim's Love Life
Kim Kardashian Wedding Trivia: True or False
Kim Kardashian in Vera Wang! Plus 5 Other Celebs Who Walked the Aisle with Vera
Kim Kardashian's Wedding: Patti Stanger Weighs in With 'Millionaire Matchmaker' Thoughts
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