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Is Barney Stinson a bad brother? He lusts after women. He hounds them sometimes. When he finds a willing subject, he snatches her up like a shiny new dollar coin, then pitches her to the curb like a tarnished old penny. Barney is the flawed misfit in the "How I Met Your Mother" gang, but he's not really bad. He's just addicted to love. Like many addicted souls, all he needs is a 12 step program.
When it comes to women on "How I Met Your Mother," Barney's addiction drives him to bed 'em and bid 'em goodbye.... although he sometimes slips out without a word. He's addicted to be sure, but he'd never join a recovery program unless he wrote the steps himself. If you know Barney, you know his steps won't be filled with the traditional pain, remorse and regret. Barney's 12 steps might look like this:
1. Bros don't admit anything, but it's possible our love lives are unmanageable. Unmanageable love? That's a good thing, right?
2. Bros believe in a Power greater than ourselves. How do you think we got so awesome?!
3. As Bros, we will turn our lives over to The Power of awesome, so we can become awesome.... wait for it.... er.
4. Bros don't need to do a self-inventory. We already know we are le-gen-dary.
5. No matter what, it's Bros before hoes. While we may admit our romantic missteps to another Bro, nobody can make us tell a woman anything. Why ruin the dream?
6. As Bros, we strive for perfection. We would willingly have our defects of character removed.... if we had any. We are totally awesome.... but for the sake of the Bros 12 Steps, we promise to be a little bit nicer, even to women who don't deserve it.
7. Bros have no shortcomings. We can do no wrong, especially with a do-right woman..... (You know what we're sayin'?)
8. We will get our secretaries to type up a list of the women we've passed by, shunned or otherwise overlooked.
9. We will make amends by sharing our awesome Bro love with the women on the list...even if they are ugly.
10. We will continue to take a personal inventory and admit when we are wrong, as if a Bro could ever be anything but awesomely right!
11. We will meditate, but only on the awesomeness of our fellow Bros!
12. As enlightened Bros, we will take our message to every woman we meet and they will know the power of a Bro's legendary love.
