In the "Modern Family" episode "Phil on Wire" Phil Dunphy succeeded in his lifelong dream of walking a tightrope. A lifelong dream? Really? That quirky story gave viewers a dose of giggles, but perhaps they should have called the episode "The Cam Diet." Phil... and Luke on sugar, did provide a few moments of fun, but like Mitchell said, Cam's juice fast was "stage-by-stage a slow descent into madness." Their weird diet tale put them in the running for funniest "Modern Family" subplot.. (Claire was also pretty hilarious in those plastic handcuffs)
The Cam Diet: Stage 1- the Clean Sweep
The effectiveness of the Cam Diet required the removal of all food temptation. That meant no junk whatsoever, so Cam conducted a clean sweep of the kitchen. He removed all "poison" (junk food) from the cabinets and pitched them into a garbage bag.
Stage 2- Attack Mitchell
Cam required a lot of food to maintain his big guy waistline. When he experimented with a juice only diet, the sacrifice triggered a roller coaster of bad behavior. As Cam began his Stage 2 verbal attacks, Mitchell decided on a slightly different coping strategy. Instead of keeping out of Cam's way as he usually did, he decided to join him and give up food as well.
Stage 3- Soap Actress
Mitchell delivered his sack of goodies to the Dunphys. Luke answered the door, accepted the gift, then took it to his room for safe keeping. Like he said, "There was a lot of chocolate in that bag." Tossing out his junk food signaled that Cam was serious about his diet. According to Mitchell, he was going all "girl interrupted," which meant stage 3: "the Soap Actress." That's when Cam behaved like a ….. well a soap actress, right down to his drama queen whine when he spoke of his sister: ".....She has so much to offer. Why are men so superficial?"
Stage 4- a Rush of Epiphany.
Cam entered stage 4 with a clear head and grand realizations: " I don't need food!" "Architecture's everywhere!" "Spaniards make amazing athletes!"
Stage 5- Despair
For Cameron starvation meant despair. That was stage 5 of his juice fast. In stage 5 he had no grand epiphanies or emotional outbursts. Cam didn't react at all, not even to his daughter's efforts to play hide and seek. Poor Lily tried to explain it to Daddy Cameron: "Daddy we hided but you didn't seek."
Stage 6- Rage
Cam bumped his head on the kitchen cabinet. That led to yanking the door really hard. With Cam's power behind that move, naturally it came off its hinges. When that happened, Mitchell knew he'd entered Rage, stage 6.
Stage 7 - Unhinged?
Cam's diets never made it past Stage 6 before. Mitchell had no idea what to expect next, but when Cam snatched the kitchen cabinet off its hinges, he knew the next stage wasn't "Charming Party Guest." To avoid further problems, he excused Cam from the boss's party. "Why do you hate me?" Cam asked. Mitchell tried to reason with him; but Cam didn't buy it. He asked, "Then why are you trying to keep me out of your life." Stage 6 might have been "Unhinged."
And Beyond
In the next stage Cam called Gloria to describe the food she ate each day..... "A cup of soup, a salad..." Mitchell had been dieting too and wasn't strong enough to deal with a "... a big needy brisket case.. uh, brass... uh, basket case." Things got a bit hairy when the boss gathered his employees together to help "Heal the Bay."
He told a tale about a sea lion he named Snorkels who got caught up in a plastic bag. He probably sank to the bottom of the ocean and died. The boss's sad tale combined with Mitchell's food deprivation sent him off the crazy, deep end. He ran into the ocean crying and calling out "Snorkels.... Snorkels." Mitchell ran after him. It wasn't a pretty scene. At least Cam and Mitchell came to their senses and decided it was okay to eat.
Source: "Modern Family" on ABC, Season 3, Episode 2: "Phil on Wire"
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