Det. Fusco (Kevin Chapman) could be considered the comedic relief character on "Person of Interest." He has a few traits that lead to some hilarious quotes and moments: two traits being that he's a very simple-thinking, straightforward person. Another is the fact that he wants to do the right thing, but doesn't want to have to work very hard to do it. He is also fairly grumpy, preferring to voice his dissatisfaction with sarcasm to mask his true feelings. His funniest quotes exemplify exactly what his character is all about.
"Ok, you want a soda or something?" -- "No Good Deed"
The spy Henry Peck (Jacob Pitts) has basically just told Fusco that he has figured out that the Machine really exists and believes they are being watched (which they are), but Fusco is utterly unimpressed. Actually, he has no idea what the guy is talking about, and assumes he belongs in the looney bin.
"Why am I planted out here instead of Wonderboy?" -- "Many Happy Returns"
As mentioned earlier, Fusco hates putting in much effort in doing his duties. And Reese (Jim Caviezel), with his extraordinary abilities, may as well be a superhero from Fusco's perspective.
"I should have shot you and simplified my life." -- "Matsya Nyaya"
Fusco says this to Reese when things get too complicated for his liking. Fusco prefers the easy, simple way of doing good things.
"You tell me." -- "Identity Crisis"
Fusco says this to Reese in reply to the question of whether he prefers being a good or bad cop. The quote proves that Fusco is not a big thinker. He just wants to do whatever Reese tells him. Nevertheless, when Reese wants him to pretend to be a dirty cop, he puts on a frowny face.
"Anything else I should know?" -- "Blue Code"
After being given a nearly impossible task by Finch (Michael Emerson), Fusco takes it in stride, at least sarcastically. He simply does as he is told, although he would prefer doing something much easier.
"Fusco!" -- "Number Crunch"
Correcting the pronunciation of his name after a congressional aide calls him Det. Fiasco is priceless. It is also telling, since he often ends up in the middle of a fiasco.
"Lead poisoning." -- "Get Carter"
Fusco says this in response to Reese asking about the murder of a young man. Fusco rarely shows any emotion for anyone other than himself, so a murder is the perfect time for sarcasm in Fusco's book.
"Easy on the volume there! No wonder Mr. Sunshine is always in a foul mood!" -- "Blue Code"
Fusco freaks out a bit after getting an "earful" when Finch calls him via earbud with an elevated volume. Again, his sarcasm manifests when referencing Reese.
"I called for backup. You gotta trust somebody, Carter." -- "Flesh and Blood"
This quote is totally ironic given the fact that Fusco is basically pretending to be a dirty cop for HR (the dirty cops whom Carter can't trust), and Carter (Taraji P. Henson) has just learned from their members that Fusco is working for them.
"You can hear me all the time?" -- "Number Crunch"
Fusco seems flabbergasted at Finch's technology. Unfortunately, it appears that he does not eat very well, as Finch can hear all of Fusco's stomach rumblings.
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