Those of you who had always wanted to see Michael Stagliano in a skintight leotard were in luck: That image and so many more (Erica Rose somersaulting in a sundress, anyone?) were burned into our retinas during the second week of "Bachelor Pad." Tempers were flaring, sparks were flying, and people were finally getting naked -- which means that this season is already starting to live up to its reputation.
Erica Rose kicked off the episode by swearing to make Dave's life a living hell for daring to conspire against her during the last rose ceremony. The twins, whose matching outfits had made them seem so blissfully in sync, contributed to the building tension by fighting with each other constantly. "It's like watching 'Jerry Springer,'" Blakeley observed, which was pretty telling coming from Blakeley.
People watched this instead of the actual Olympics
This week's challenge honored the Summer Olympics -- although it's debatable whether "honor" had anything to do with it. "Rhythmic gymnastics" was the phrase of the day, and the contestants knew immediately that they were in for trouble. They were split into two teams -- guys vs. girls -- and had only two hours to learn a choreographed routine from a trio of tiny professional gymnasts. At stake? Two roses -- and, thus, immunity. One for a woman, one for a man. Also, the two worst contestants from each group would get an automatic vote against them, essentially putting a target on their back. The practice session threw everyone into a tailspin of despair because they were all terrible, but the humiliation was topped off with some tight spandex leotards that left almost nothing to the imagination.
Tasha Schwikert, an Olympic gymnast who apparently got lost on her way to London, led the judging, along with Ashley and J.P., "Bachelorette" royalty from two seasons ago. Tasha selected Erica Rose and Ed as the two worst gymnasts of the group, which was no surprise -- both of them had been flopping around halfheartedly like bored starfish. The roses were awarded to Michael and Blakeley, which was again no surprise, because Michael's some kind of choreographer in real life and Blakeley has, let's be real here, definitely had "dancer" in her job description before.
Michael and Blakeley each got to pick three people of the opposite sex to take on a date with them, and one of the three would be awarded a rose that would also grant them immunity. Chris was bummed because it meant that he'd have to keep sucking up to Blakeley instead of trading her in for a newer model of partner. Michael was excited because he's been assuring us that he's here to find love, and what better opportunity to find it than to take three different girls for a test drive at the same time?
Erica Rose went to Michael for protection, since failing the second challenge in a row made her vulnerable to elimination. But Michael wasn't about to sacrifice a spot on his date for someone as unlovable as Erica Rose, tiny crystal gavel and all. Instead, he picked Rachel, Lindzi, and the doe-eyed super fan Donna, who has been outrageously vocal about the "secret" crush she's had on Michael for years and years. Of course, this enraged Erica Rose, who views the super fans as some sort of subhuman species.
Michael -- the one-man "Make a wish"
The quartet pitched up at the concert of a generic soft-rock band complete with carefully chosen, attractive extras, and Michael immediately got down to business. He danced with Donna for a bit, only to turn his full attention to Rachel, who started making out with him vigorously. Lindzi was entirely ignored.
After the concert, Michael drew Rachel and Donna aside separately to "talk," which in Rachel's case involved more tongue action. Donna used her turn to present Michael with an incredibly creepy charcoal drawing of him that she'd done, thus extinguishing any chance she'd ever had to actually win his heart. But Michael's a standup kind of guy, and he proved it by selflessly making her "fantasy come true" -- that is, making out with her against a wall as a reward. Ugh. Really? It's the grossest he's ever been, and we needn't remind you that he won last season of "Bachelor Pad."
Rachel got the rose anyway, leaving Donna distraught despite her consolation prize.