Oh no, Dr. Bill!
Dr. Bill ('Tattoo School')
This dude's a nightmare. He seems all nice, but he's teaching people how to tattoo in two weeks, largely using real-life volunteers. Those people are so desperate for a tattoo that they are willing to be guinea pigs, but they don't realize that Dr. Bill couldn't care less about artistic ability or quality. He spent the premiere being more concerned about applying the generic tattoos quickly than making them look good. He claims his two-week course eschews the long apprenticeship process, but we learned two of his graduates said they were seeking apprenticeships, so obviously no one is going to actually pay for tattoos from his alumni.
Kody ('Sister Wives')
Meri has wanted to go skiing for the past 22 years. Twenty-two! And when he finally takes her skiing (he's clearly had experience skiing, maybe with his other wives), he doesn't allow her to use poles and she ends up wrenching her knee. And while she's in pain, he mentions how he was so much better at proposing to his newest wife than to her because he'd had practice. Classy dude. Also, he was insensitive to Christine, but shrugged it off and expected her to change and be more grateful. (He has obviously convinced Meri and the other wives that this is the standard course of action.) Plus, there's something fishy about the sports car that he got from someone at "work."
Juicy Joe ('Real Housewives of New Jersey')
We expect this Neanderthal to belittle his brother-in-law, but his lashing out at his own wife this week was reprehensible. He told her that he didn't want her talking to even her family members (including her parents) and that he didn't want her brother or his family in their house. When she objected, he said, "When I say something, you [expletive] listen. And shut up." Who'd have thought we'd feel bad for a woman who took her 10-year-old bra shopping on national television?
Kalon ('The Bachelorette')
He auditioned to be on "The Bachelorette," likely knowing that the woman he'd be dating is a single mom, and then he said publicly that kids are essentially a lot of baggage. He topped that off by telling a single dad that he's a poor parent because he left his child to come on a dating show. Maybe that's true, but what business is it of the guy who arrived in a helicopter and is a major douchebag to boot?
King of the Nut Shots ('America's Got Talent')
Being able to recover quickly after getting hit in the balls repeatedly is not a "talent." But it might qualify you to star in "Jackass." Does this dude (who calls himself Horse) really think that he'll be able to make a Vegas act of this? Clearly, the judges love him.
Winner:
Juicy Joe was in this week's episode for only about five minutes and still managed to top our list. He did so not only for his quaint demand that Teresa obey him completely, but also for telling his wife to bugger off when she tried to point out that their children should know their cousins. We're relieved that he skipped Jacqueline's Field Day for a trip to the Jersey shore, and that the cameras didn't follow him.
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