Shangela was actually inspiring as a role model to a young diva on
"Toddlers & Tiaras," but leave it to the "Dance Moms" stars to act
reprehensibly around small children.
Abby Lee Miller ("Dance Moms")
Welcome back, Abby. We've truly missed your telling small children to
save their tears for when they are alone with their pillow, and
demanding that they give up five hours a night for dance practice. After
all, even the youngest is 7 now, so that's old enough to stop whining.
As Abby said multiple times throughout the season premiere, "Everyone's
replaceable." And she was so bitchy to Kelli about her use of a Discover
card (while in front of a room of kids) that Kelli called her a whore.
Both were in the wrong, but Abby struck the first low blow... and to a
woman who actually pays her bills.
Watch the "Dance Moms" season premiere in full right here:
Flavor Flav ("Celebrity Wife Swap")
It's too bad that this column didn't exist back in the "Flavor of Love"
days, since Flav might have been a regular. Instead, his brief
appearance on "Celebrity Wife Swap" was enough to earn him a spot here
this week, thanks to his "off-limits" room (like we can't put together
what goes on in there) and because he was mean to Dee Snider's wife. He
showed just how ridiculously infantile he is by pouting about not
getting to go skydiving, while at the same time breaking rules about
pawning his own children off on to other people. And he was quite
disrespectful during the family sitdown. No wonder his poor bride-to-be
enjoys her quiet time without him so much.
Drita/Karen/Ramona/Derek ("Mob Wives")
Drita and Karen can't actually have a conversation without it turning
into a physical fight, but the fact that Ramona and Derek got in on the
action and started swinging turned an easily rectifiable scuffle into a
full-out brawl... at a birthday party for a woman who just got out of
the hospital.
Jenelle ("Teen Mom 2")
We want to
stop putting her on the list, and had MTV only aired one episode this
week, she would have been spared. However, they aired a second episode,
in which she spent all day in bed crying because her boyfriend left her
after she had received a text message from an ex. Kieffer is disgusting
and barely out of jail on domestic violence charges, so he's not worth a
day of tears, particularly when it means that you can't even take care
of your own child for 10 minutes. And we're supposed to feel sorry for
Jenelle because she doesn't know how to cope with her feelings without
smoking pot?
['Teen Mom 2' Star Jenelle Just Got Arrested -- Again]
Kim and Ken ("Real Housewives of Beverly Hills")
The gross couple showed up days late for a birthday party in Hawaii,
with a constantly changing excuse and then tried to make it seem like
the birthday boy (Mauricio, whom Kim calls "Maurice" all the time) was
to blame for making her feel bad. They also couldn't get it together to
get to the yacht on time, delaying the outing by an hour and then not
making it onboard after all, preferring to instead just have lunch and
acting like immature idiots.
Winner:
Abby, mostly
for her hypocritical behavior: After saying last year that she didn't
want the moms around because they were annoying, she made Holly (and
Nia) feel terrible for actually having a job that would allow Nia to
take the dance lessons in the first place. In Abby's world, the fact
that working mom Holly doesn't have time to sit in a confined room for
five hours a night makes her the worst mother on the planet.
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