Mission statement: "I am not a hothead! I am Colombian! We get excited! My country is covered in coffee!"
When her shirt bursts open: "Let's go, because Victoria is about to spill all of her secrets!"
(See photo gallery: Why Sofia Vergara Has Got It All - in Her Own Words)
The savvy detective: "I'm Colombian. I know a fake crime scene when I see one."
To her husband: "You look so strong and sexy. Like an Olympic wrestler but with money."
And: "I am the second wife, Jay. Why do you treat me like I'm the first?"
In Hawaii: "I thought one of the advantages of marrying an older guy was that I was going to be able to relax. But all of this swimming and rowing, it's just like how some of my relatives got into this country."
Cultural guide: "Do you know what a doll is in my village? An apple on a fork."
On pregnancy: "I am too tired. The baby kicked me all night. I swear it's either going to be a football player or a chorus girl."
Confusing her sayings: "Does the bear sit in the woods?"
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