Know When to Fold
Updated 2008-12-11 09:01:23
Addison has taken the time out of her busy schedule of proselytizing and suturing to get a sleek new haircut. But neither Violet nor Naomi comments because they are too busy commenting on their lack of sex. And, yes, all girls talk about is sex and haircuts. Addison misses sex because Kevin was, you know, shot, and thus not performing his sole function. So she misses sex and dares to mention it in front of Violet who hasn't had any since 1983 and Naomi who was sleeping with Addison's brother until Addison kicked him back to WASP heaven. Yet she complains. So Violet has no choice but to kick her in the vajayjay and walk away. Actually the ladies return from their coffee sojourn to be greeted by Charlotte King and her really big sign. Charlotte's sign is advertising California's Premiere Doctor Cooperative and Free Breakfast Buffet. I'm not even making up the breakfast buffet.
Sam and Pete are enjoying the fine offerings of the breakfast buffet (all you can eat, yo!) and wishing they had thought of it first. Well, Sam was enjoying and bemoaning the loss of the Fourth Floor of Dreams simultaneously. It was their lack of money that drove them to take part in Charlotte's nefarious waffle bar! Like in an 80s prom scene, Violet's erstwhile psychotherapist friend from the elevator, Mr. Helpful, moves across the floor, parts the crowd, and introduces himself to Sam. Mr. Helpful asks whether or not Violet is single. Pete looks hostile, but Sam shrugs, "Yeah she's single." Mr. Helpful looks hopeful, giggles to himself and rubs his hands together, hatching a plan. Pete Can. Not. Believe. That Sam told him Violet was single. Pete gets cavemannish and starts grunting about how Violet is one of their women and these barbarians already took their floor. They can't have their women too! Sam shrugs, "Yeah, you're jealous." I knew the Pete Violet match up was inevitable and all, but I didn't expect Pete to drag her by the hair back to his cave.
Addison and her very sleek and shiny hair go to meet her new patient. And...is it? So soon? It is! It's the Drama of the Week! A corporate woman sits in a chair texting feverishly on a BlackBerry about her hotel's renovations. When she finishes her text, she looks up and, whoa, is that Andie from Dawson's Creek ? Ack, having MightyBigTV flashbacks. Addison gives Andie the bad news from behind her desk. Actually she gives her half the bad news from behind the desk: Her ovarian biopsy was positive for cancer. Then she gets up, comes to sit on the front of the desk, smoothes her hair and tells Andie that her left ovary had cancer, too. So she has stage 2 ovarian cancer. Andie swallows deeply, takes a big breath, and then they agree to treat the cancer aggressively. Addison smoothes her hair some more, flips a stray whisp back, and suggests removing her ovaries and uterus next week. Andie flips out at that and demands a second opinion, because all she has ever wanted in life is children. As a surgeon (and a demi-deity) Addison knows that a hysterectomy is the right thing to do despite her desire to have kids. Andie replies that as a surgeon all Addison wants to do is cut, but she wants a second opinion. Amen to that, Andie, amen.
Back at the Bagel Buffet, Pete tries to spear lunch meat with a fork and then dumps it in some yogurt and gives up. I was so distracted by his forkish fumbling that I now have to rewind to see what they were talking about. Oh a Fake Lance Armstrong is enjoying the chafing dish bonanza at Charlotte's office. Sam explains that Fake Lance is trying to make a comeback but has a bum knee. Sam and Pete decide to poach him and cure him.
Cooper gets into the elevator with an enormous box of Charlotte's belongings. He drops the box on her desk at work. At the sight of Cooper and his box, Charlotte jumps up and barfs in a trash can. Cooper and I call, "Preggers!" at the same time. Jinx! He totally owes me a Coke. Charlotte kicks Cooper out and barfs again.
Team Pro Life do an ultrasound. Naomi calls out the gender and Dell kicks her out for overstepping her silent mentor role. Dell is all grown up and the powers that be have decided he has earned his own Drama. I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking about what a big boy he is! Dell's Drama is overwhelmed with school and money and baby concerns. Dell assures her he will help with the babysitting while she finishes college, but she has decided to give the kid up for adoption. Dell smiles, but cries on the inside. I can tell.
Charlotte's assistant comes up (down? I can't remember) to Oceanside to ask the receptionist for Andie's files to give to a Dr. Wyatt Lockhart. Addison looks hurt, but her hair looks fantastic! Meanwhile, Sam and Pete have successfully stolen Fake Lance Armstrong and are doctoring him up with some most likely illegal supplements. Did they learn nothing from Marion Jones? Or Barry Bonds? Or the entire Australian cycling team? Fake Lance's wife interrupts the treatment. She is played by Ione Skye (I think.) Wow this show gets some random guest stars. I wonder if Ione is a fan of the ol' PP ? Or if she is totally depressed, but her agent convinced her that this role will jumpstart her stalled career. Maybe she can be a patient on Grey's next! Ione tells the doctors that it's not Fake Lance's knee that's the problem -- it's his heart. Fake Lance wants to race because they are broke and he can't find any endorsements and the Wheatie box money dried up. Ione harps on him about how if he races he could die. Fishcakes! Dramatic fishcakes! Wow, you know it's Christmas when every doctor gets a Drama in their stocking. Sam agrees that the risk is too great, but Fake Lance is determined to simultaneously reenact Breaking Away and Untamed Heart .
Addison goes to yell at Charlotte for stealing her patient and giving her false hope about her prognosis. Charlotte is too green around the gills to put up much of a fight, but the mysterious patient-stealing, hope-giving Dr. Wyatt is ready to go a full twelve rounds with Addison if he has to. He has a trial he is doing and Andie wants to join. Addison brought her soap box down to the third floor and uses it to lecture about the correct protocol and the foolish patient who can't see the gravity of her situation. Dr. Wyatt thinks she's hot. Addison, that is, not Andie. Addison is hot, but wrong. Dr. Wyatt is the ultimate "Hey It's That Guy!" He is totally familiar, but when I looked him up on IMDB I don't think I've seen anything he's ever been in. Impressive.
In the coffee room, the doctors discuss Fake Lance. Violet talks about the psychology of winning and Naomi outs Sam's inability to ride a bike. The diagnostically-impaired kaffeklatsch is interrupted by Addison's bilious rant about shameless patient stealing doctors and the arrogant Dr. Wyatt Lockhart. Sam and Pete avoid eye contact. And, Addison? It's not patient poaching when the patient wants a second opinion. I'm sorry she didn't like you and your desire to slice and dice, but she is entitled to hear a full range of options. You would think Pete would say something, being Mr. Alternative Medicine. Or Naomi, for that matter, being the fertility goddess. Can't they make Andie pump out a few eggs for later use before giving her a hysterectomy? Options, people! Addison's speech is interrupted by Dell who has an idea to help the practice. He wants to start a fee-based adoption service matching birth mothers up with patients who can't have their own because Naomi's magic fertility treatments aren't working. The doctors consider it. Dell's patient would be their test case. I don't know enough about any of this to argue so...meh.
Violet invites Pete to the symphony since Meg is out of town. What's up? Hos before bros, ho. Don't go hitting on some doctor while his girlie is out of town even if she is an abortionist. Pete turns her down, but tells her to invite Mr. Helpful. Mr. Helpful is totally not cute enough for Violet. That said, Violet depresses the crap out of me. And Pete. Maybe she should date a shrink.
Addison lotions up while SWAT recuperates and bemoans bed rest. He only watches COPS and it has kept him busy all day. Love it! That little factoid adds so much depth to his character. The pair chastely kiss and settle in to watch more COPS .
Dell coaches his Drama about what to say in her interview with Violet to determine whether or not she is ready to give up her baby for adoption. He tells her exactly what to say and she looks less nervous. Smell that? Yeah, that's trouble. Smells like toast.
Andie comes in to yell at St. Addison for not giving up her file as requested. Addison's hair has some curl to it today. It's flirty, but serious. Andie reminds Addison that she is choosing to go elsewhere and looking for options, not cheating on Addison. She wants to get rid of the cancer and have a baby. Is that too much to ask for? Addison rolls her eyes and hands over the file. Considering Addison's fertility issues, you would think she would be slightly sympathetic.
Violet gets off on the fourth floor to find Mr. Helpful. He awkwardly asks her out and she happily accepts.
Violet and Naomi talk to the prospective adoptive parents for Dell's Drama's kid. They are concerned because they have been disappointed before and don't want to suffer again. They introduce Dell's Drama to the birth parents and they seem to hit it off.
Addison "Slice or Die" Montgomery sighs to Pete about losing her patient to the God of False Hope and Pete looks concerned. What is he concerned about? Giving false hope to his Drama, Fake Lance. Speak of the devil, Sam comes in bragging about the ten miles their Drama just did on the bike. Fake Lance is going to race tomorrow. He swears he will be fine, because he was fixed by Pete's and Sam's magical mystery cure. Fake Lance pats Sam on the back and walks out. He'll be back. On a stretcher!
Addison is forced to ride the elevator with Evil Dr. Wyatt. She should use some of her $25 million to buy her own elevator (a talking one perhaps?) and be done with this nonsense. Dr. Wyatt proclaims his innocence and offers to buy her dinner and a lap dance. She snarks some non response, storms out of the elevator, but doesn't mention her boyfriend and lets the offer stand. Poor SWAT. He's totally going to get tossed over for some Hey It's That Guy action because he got shot and can't perform.
Dell's Drama comes into his office all smiles and belly rubs. She is so grateful to Dell for helping her. She thinks they are the perfect adoptive parents. And they are offering to pick up all her living expenses until the baby is born! Now that the financial strain is relieved, she can finally just relax and enjoy having a baby. Ooh wait. Dell looks concerned. The Drama says that Violet said she had up until the last minute to change her mind, but she can't stop thinking of baby names. Dell looks really really concerned.
SWAT is going to work and Addison can't stop him. So she decides to yell and then she walks out. Which really isn't going to stop him from going to work, now is it?
At her apartment, Charlotte reminisces over the box of sex clothes that Cooper dropped off. Aw, remember when she was a naughty nurse? Or the dirty farm girl? Good times. Her trip down memory lane is cut short when she bends over the box. Can't tell if she is sobbing or barfing.
Violet and Mr. Helpful had a great date that doesn't end at the front door. But does end at the bedroom when Mr. Helpful's Little Mister can't stand up to the job. Violet assures him that it happens and is totally normal. He knows because he's a therapist too! They have a nude therapy session until Violet asks how he feels and Mr. Helpful can't take it anymore and leaves. Poor Violet.
The next morning at Oceanside, Charlotte announces that she has sticks and she intends to pee on them. Cooper is intrigued.
Violet asks Pete for alternative Viagra. Pete laughingly gives her a bottle of his secret recipe. Um, Pete, anything you want to tell us? Violet giggles over talking about her sex life with Pete and they bond some more when Pete confesses they stole Fake Lance. Pete is worried about Fake Lance, but is monitoring his heartbeat online. In a surprising breach with medical show maxims (you know, the one that dictates that every time a doctor walks in a room or observes a test the patient's condition worsens or he goes all defib or tachy or codes) nothing happens to Fake Lance's heartbeat while Pete and Violet watch.
Charlotte pees on a stick while Cooper waits. They giggle over the possibility and laugh about names. Charlotte wants to name the baby after her horse and Cooper wants to name it after his grandfather. Charlotte hopefully adds that fate intervened and pulled them back together. Except for the fact that she's not pregnant. So they're not getting back together. Yet. Neither of them looks very happy about it.
Dell approaches Violet about his Drama. He wants to know if Violet picked up on anything in their meeting. The Drama checked out on Violet's end. Dell is second-guessing himself, but Violet reassures him that his Drama is serious about the adoption. She said all the right things (you know, the answers Dell spoon fed her). Violet pats him on the back, but it doesn't do much to make him less concerned.
Charlotte knocks on Addison's door and tells her that something happened to Andie and she needs emergency surgery. Surprising, I know. As Addison is the only surgeon in the greater Los Angeles area, she grabs her scrub cap and goes. Dr. Wyatt scrubs in to observe the surgery, but Addison yells at him for not knowing the name of his patient. Wasn't it a mere three weeks ago when Addison didn't know her patients' names? My how quickly we learn and then get all high and mighty. They yell at each other. Before the surgery, the still conscious Andie begs Addison for forgiveness. Addison grants her absolution, tells her to do some Hail Addisons and a few Our Doctors and then instructs her to buy an indulgence or two. One more convert to the Mighty One True Church of Addison. Addison and Dr. Wyatt argue over the patient's open body. Addison stops the bleeding, but before she can close Dr. Wyatt points out that the tumor is gone. It's a miracle! All hail Addison!
Dell and Cooper stare at the beach. Dell asks if Cooper ever feels out of his depth. Cooper admits to being the King of Over His Head. Dell opens up about his concerns over the adoption. Cooper was adopted and his birth mother gave him up despite wavering. Sometimes you have to let people waver to know what is real or not. You know he's not talking about adoption any more.
Sam and Pete are closely following Fake Lance's progress. Fake Lance is into his last mile and he has overtaken the lead. He wins! As he crosses the finish line Sam and Pete rejoice over their victory, but Naomi notices that Fake Lance has gone into defib. Or is tachy. Or codes. Pete and Sam run. To the race site? Aren't you going to be late? Seriously guys, if you were really concerned, wouldn't you grab a lap top, a wifi connection and wait at the race? What are you going to do four miles away in LA traffic?
Andie is lying in recovery while Addison does a post-op check up. The patient is in tears. She used to want a child, but now she just wants to live. Even though the tumor shrank due to Dr. Wyatt's treatment, she begs Addison to do the surgery anyway. Hallelujah Amen! They all come home to Jesus, I mean, Addison, eventually. Addison promises that they will kick the cancer in the ass and then make her a family. Andie smiles at being in the presence of so much beneficence and goodwill. The second she is out of the patient's room, Addison is cursing Dr. Wyatt again. She runs into Charlotte who admits that she doesn't like him either, but he is good for business despite being arrogant and underhanded. Addison makes some snide analogy to Charlotte about using insider information from her boyfriend to set up a competing practice and that she and Dr. Wyatt are made for each other. Addison turns to leave, but is stopped in her tracks by Charlotte tearing up. Wavering chin and everything. Addison freezes. She raises an eyebrow in confusion. Charlotte tries to brush it off as a long day. Addison is still frozen at the sight of Charlotte's human side. Then she and her eyebrow ask if Charlotte wants to talk about it. She doesn't. So Addison goes and Charlotte cries to herself. Addison has a serious WTF face during that whole scene. It was pretty funny.
Sam and Pete run to the emergency room and demand that the receptionist point them to Fake Lance's room. The receptionist looks confused. His room? His room is in the morgue. Uh oh. Pete and Same stare at Fake Lance's body on the slab and ask whether or not they killed him. Pete feels guilty for stealing the patient and thinks that Fake Lance's death was a lesson to them to be more humble. Sam reminds him that Fake Lance begged for their help and was planning on racing one way or another. Pete doesn't buy it. No Ione? Really? Just a five second walk on? Fire your agent, dear.
Dell confides in Naomi about his doubts about his Drama. Well he tries to, but Naomi stops him. She is proud of him for helping make a family and becoming the Practice's adoption guru. She hugs him, but he still looks doubtful. I am so glad that Dell is over his ridiculous crush on Naomi.
Charlotte confesses to Cooper that it was the lobster in the breakfast buffet that made her sick. Can these two just get back together already so we can move on from this stupid break up plot line? I guess not. She apologizes for everything, but Cooper tells Charlotte that he was nice when he thought she was pregnant but she shouldn't get all excited about it. She still doesn't want what he wants and she still doesn't act like a normal human being. She walks out. I still think she's pregnant. And they had lobster at a buffet? Who is funding that practice?
Addison descends in the dirty public elevator, which has the audacity to stop on the fourth floor and let in Dr. Wyatt. Addison coldly lectures him on his poor medical choices and skills. He asks her out to dinner again, but instead of telling him that she has a boyfriend she tells him that if he calls her "Monty" again she will plunge a scalpel through his hand. Ooh Monty has a crush!
Violet left a message for Mr. Helpful and he is surprised but glad that she called. She asks him out again and offers up Pete's magical elixir to solve the little problem. No offense, Mr. Helpful. Mr. Helpful is flattered, but the potion won't help. The problem is psychological for him. Violet is out of his league what with being beautiful and smart and funny. He can't live up to it and so he just wants to be friends. Poor Violet!
Addison returns home to find SWAT sitting on the bottom step in her living room. That was as far as he got. He sat there all day. Addison laughs that patients always have to figure things out the hard way. Oh Shut. Up. Addison.
Naomi teaches Sam how to ride a bike. He is wearing a helmet, and elbow pads and a big old doofy grin. He nervously puffs on an inhaler. It's a cute scene, but it just makes me wish they would get back together.
Violet confesses that she is so lonely. Pete says that he is too. Then he sniffs her head and kisses her a little too intensely for friends. Then he kisses her on the lips. Meg is totally going back to Rwanda. Which is good because the orphans need her.
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