Nothing to Talk About
Updated 2008-10-23 09:26:06
Sam and Naomi are having girl-on-top sex in charmingly color-coordinated sheets and I really wish I didn't have to watch. But I do it for you! I don't know why the show has to start like that. I so prefer medical dramas to open-mouthed PG sex scenes. Maybe they are trying to rope the husbands in with the first minute? Or merely trying to justify their nine o'clock start time? Whatever, it's gross. Sam collapses off of Naomi and decides that now is a great moment to bring up financial modeling for the firm. He uses fundraising techniques as pillow talk? Seriously cuts down on his sex appeal if you ask me. Naomi is equally unimpressed and audibly rolls her eyes as we cut to the next scene. Addison is jogging in a sweatshirt in the gym and Pete comes in and uses the treadmill next to her. Are they members at the same gym? Or is this gym in the office building? Pete is surprised to see her so early and she confesses that she is running to get away from it all. Naomi still isn't talking to her outside the office. With that admission, Addison turns up the speed of the treadmill. Pete asks if he is old. From this Addison surmises that he slept with the temp. You know, Addison, if this surgery thing doesn't work out, I'm sure we could find a spot for you on the Venice boardwalk. Pete confirms his lechery and she snorts derisively. He turns up the treadmill. To 11. Seriously. Addison reconsiders the situation and decides that she is glad he at least is putting himself out there. He asks after her police officer and she admits that he didn't call and then she did and left a long, rambling, embarrassing message. She turns her treadmill up to 12. He laughs that at least the cop didn't call her old. He then adds, but the temp did say I was great. For some reason this makes Addison stop running and fall off the treadmill. Or maybe she had a stroke. Whatever.
Cooper and Charlotte are in the bathtub. Man, this show is like a montage of ickiness tonight. Who has time for leisurely lovey dovey baths in the morning? Cooper is rambling about Oceanside's financial meltdown and how it is his fault and how he will be the first fired. Anyone care? I didn't think so. Not even Charlotte. She gets up, wraps a towel around her soapy self and goes to work. I wish I could do that. Get up and leave, not bathe with Cooper. Ick.
Addison is in the hospital because of her treadmill-induced knee injury. It looks like she scraped it. Barely. In order to explain this completely unlikely scenario, the writers have Addison explain to Dell, who is now working at the hospital as a scrub nurse or orderly or in some such caregiver capacity, that she didn't want to get the Band Aid put on her owie at the office because the hospital is her happy place. Is that what the ladies are calling it these days? Dell asks after the office, but Addison knows he means Naomi. Their not at all interesting conversation is interrupted by Charlotte, who somehow sensed that Addison was seeking respite in the ghoulish greenish walls and florescent light of the emergency room happy place. One of Charlotte's surgeons just called out and she wants Addison to scrub in on something called a myectomy, which Google tells me is an excision of a portion of a muscle. That procedure sounds so dull that even Addison turns it down, despite the promise of an all-day OR-fest. She is going to have fun at her day job.
Speaking of fun at the office, Violet is apparently having way too much fun with her patients. Sam has been timing her consults and they are taking too long. She needs to cut them down to fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes for $180. End of story. What sort of therapist can do anything in fifteen minutes? It takes that long for them to arrange the tissue box on the table just so and get their body position arranged to appear engaged but distant. I learned it on The Sopranos . Violet disagrees with Sam. She is not going to write a prescription every time someone demands Prozac. She has to do a history and, you know, talk to the patient and really find out if they need it. Sam says that is all fine, but she has to do it in fifteen minutes. Violet goes to tattle to Naomi. Naomi confesses that she is literally sleeping with the enemy. Sam went behind her back and took her job and made her feel like crap and she is sleeping with him. What the hell is wrong with her? Violet flat out tells her she is fucked up and she doesn't want to hear it. Which is also pretty fucked up for a therapist to say to her friend, let alone her boss, but inappropriate actions are pretty much par for the course at Oceanside Wellness. I think they mentioned that in the commercial they made.
Addison steps off the elevator to the sound of her own voice talking malarkey. It's the aforementioned commercial with all of its happy good vibes about family love and pseudo malpractice. Addison says good morning to Violet, but Violet is not in the mood. Naomi also isn't in the mood when Addison tells her Dell is working at St. Ambrose. Cooper similarly brushes her off. He is all business now. Addison finally goes to talk to Sam, her one remaining friend and conversational hope. Obviously a man who makes pillow talk out of accounting tables is too busy to talk. Addison crabbily announces that she is going to perform some bloody disgusting surgery, make some money, and she is going to like it. She packs her scrub cap and heads out. No one notices.
Ernie Hudson from Ghostbusters is seeking medical care from Pete. So I guess that means he is actually seeking alternative medical care. Or whatever the hell Pete does. Ernie is a chief firefighter so obviously his job is stressful. He is mostly handling the stress well, but he is suffering from post traumatic stress. Despite everything that Pete has done for him with the acupuncture and deep breathing, he is still getting anxious. Luckily he has found a way to alleviate that stress: wearing bras and panties. I'm a firefighter and I'm okay! Pete stares wide eyed while Ernie begs for a cure. Victoria's Secret is a place to start. That bra is fugly.
Addison is accosted on the street by her cop, Christopher. Okay, before you write, I know his name is not Christopher. It's just that in my mind he is and always will be Christopher from the Gilmore Girls . He is not just type cast, he is cast and they broke the mold. So I'm calling him Christopher. Christopher walks Addison to the parking lot. He is carrying an enticing pink box and claims to have loved Addison's phone call. You know, the one where she drunk dialed him but she wasn't drunk but probably should have been and probably was afterwards. Christopher apologizes for not getting back to her, he was swamped at work. He had a case that he got lost in. SWAT teams have cases? I thought they stormed in and stormed out and left the paperwork to the working stiffs. He promises to do better and swears he is there to woo. With doughnuts. My type of wooing! He begs her not to write him off. Who writes off a man bearing doughnuts?
Violet is engaged in one of her overly-long get-to-know-you patient interviews. The woman can't sleep and wants sleeping pills. Geez Violet just hand her a scrip for Lunesta and get on to the next patient already! Times awastin'! Quit talking to patients already! The woman tells Violet that she hasn't been able to sleep since her husband died and she has to raise her teenage son on her own, but lately it is worse. The woman just wants the damn pills already, but Violet insists on talking. The woman, Linda, admits that she is scared of her son. She thinks he is a sociopath. He killed their dog! Violet, write a prescription already! That woman needs to sleep. Linda explains that something changed when her husband died. Her son went cold. A mother knows. Dammit, just give her pills! Violet refuses: Linda doesn't need pills, she needs help.
Pete has Ernie's ears hooked up to some machine and is making him think about fishing. Whatever the heck that machine is supposed to do it, it's not working. Ernie is frustrated. Pete wants to know how all this cross dressing started. Ernie says it all started with knee highs around the house. Then he got his hands on a mail order catalogue and he found pages of delightfully lacy foundation garments that just relaxed him. As he talks about the undergarments in detail, the machine starts to respond. Maybe it measures stress levels? Orgone levels? Pete is convinced that the cross dressing relates to some deeper underlying issues and a therapist could probably help. Ernie begs him to treat him himself. He can't tell anyone else. It's too embarrassing. Pete looks doubtful that there is an herb in his pharmacy that inspires men to not wear ladies underwear.
Addison is cleaning up after successfully completing the surgery. Charlotte interrupts the scrub fest to say that a newborn is being airlifted in and does Addison want to take that one too? Addison acts like she has patients and should get back to the office already, but everyone knows she is bluffing. She agrees to the surgery, but tells Charlotte she is on to her wily ways. She knows Charlotte is wooing her double board certified self. Charlotte nods. She is wooing. Man, Addison is getting wooed all over the place today. I bet there's a mariachi band outside the OR.
Violet runs into Naomi in the coffee room. Naomi asks her if she new Dell was working at the hospital, but Violet gives her some serious stinkeye and won't talk to her about Dell. It's too fucked up. Sam comes in and asks Naomi if she can cover Addison's patients since she is doing another surgery. Cooper also stops by the coffee room to announce he has a new patient, but Sam is really unimpressed. He won't be adding a new wing to the practice with one new patient. Plus, you can't really add a wing to fourth floor office building. Sam then turns to Violet and asks about her next consult. Violet can't do it. Her one consult for the day caused a lot of drama and she is busy for the rest of the day now. Sam looks like he wants to dunk her in honey and feed her to the bears. And not in a good way.
Cooper's new patient is a worried new mom who looks really familiar, but I can't place. Yet. I'm working on it. She is concerned that something is wrong with her kid's head. It's big. Really big. Cooper thinks the kid will probably just grow into it, but the mom insists Cooper at least look at it before dismissing her claims. Cooper finally gets off his lazy doctor behind and bothers to look at the kid. His head is big. Really big. Not that they actually show it too us. What is this Rosemary's Baby ? Cooper slowly backs away from the stroller and agrees to do some tests.
Violet has managed to get the sociopath in for a same-day session. Shouldn't he be in school? She asks him about the dog with the broken neck, which seems like a lousy starting point to me, but all I know about therapy I learned from Analyze This and The Sopranos . The kid is vaguely greasy and dressed in black, obviously. Violet continues to question him about the dead dog, but he doesn't answer. She finally realizes the murder of a beloved family pet might be a loaded topic. She decides to focus on his dead father instead. Oh yeah, that's a much better topic. Not loaded at all! She knows he doesn't want to be there, but she wants to get to know him. He asks if he can leave. He says please. A teenager who says please? Obviously a sociopath.
Naomi has cut out of her busy schedule at Oceanside Wellness to stalk Dell. She finds him pushing medical equipment around the hallways. She seems genuinely happy to see him, but you can't say the feeling is mutual. Naomi thinks he looks good in his scrubs, which seems unnecessary for a lot of reasons. Dell doesn't really want to talk to her. He excuses himself to go do his job. Isn't Naomi supposed to be covering Addison's patients? God, can you imagine the waiting room at that clinic?
Violet has left the sociopath in her office alone. She stands outside staring in, which must be some new fangled therapeutic technique. Cooper comes to help. He stands and stares too. He tells her about the big-headed baby. She tells him about the potential sociopath she is staring at like he's a lemur at the zoo. The sociopath won't talk to her, so she is letting him stew, which has always worked with Cooper. Cooper asks if she really thinks he's a sociopath. Violet confesses that she doesn't know. He has a lot of reasons to be angry what with his dad and dog both being dead. Violet might test him, but thinks it would be a lot easier if he just had a pipe bomb in his book bag. If there is a test for sociopaths, why would she not have given it to him already? What is she waiting for? Cooper leaves her to her therapeutic staring with some food for thought: True sociopaths are rare, but who wants the next Columbine on their hands? Violet chews on that like a cow with cud.
Violet has decided to reengage the sociopath. She tells him that since he won't talk to her and she can't let him go out the door because she is concerned, she wants him to fill out some papers. If he won't, then they can sit there all day. He makes a threatening gesture with the pen and starts answering the questions. I can only imagine the quiz looks something like: I am a sociopath. Check Yes or No.
Christopher came to surprise Addison with sandwiches between surgeries. She is wearing purple-y blue scrubs and he is still wearing his doofy SWAT shirt. If I was Addison I would be concerned about dating someone with only one shirt emblazoned with the day job's logo, but I'm shallow like that. I also wouldn't date someone who wears their employee ID badge outside of the office. Addison asks him about the case that he was working on. The one that kept him from calling her. He says that he watched two people die. Addison thinks it is remarkably similar to how no one in her office is talking to each other and how hard that is for her. Um...okay. Christopher offers to take her out tomorrow night, but Charlotte interrupts. She has another tempting surgery. Addison follows her to the ER.
Violet, Pete, and Cooper take a break from their *ahem* busy days to brainstorm about their cases on the boardwalk. Pete can't deal with Ernie's bra and panties issue. I will admit that the visual was pretty haunting. Cooper can't deal with bobble-headed baby and Violet can't figure out if her sociopath is really a sociopath since the kid won't talk to her. All in a day's work at Oceanside!
Addison is in the middle of untwisting an ovary when Charlotte knocks on the OR door. She tells her the baby she worked on early is crashing and they need her. Addison finishes the surgery, tells the team to close up, gives the news to the anxious father, and then rushes off to the NICU. Dell race walks next to her to find out about her putative knee injury. Addison is so high on surgery she can't feel a thing. Junkie.
Sam asks Naomi more administrative advice while Violet watches from her office. When Naomi comes in to kvetch, Violet turns another cold shoulder. Naomi then tries to tell her about seeing Dell today, but Violet kicks her out of the office so she can see a patient. What is up with Violet today? Did she forget to take her Thorazine again? Violet is back with Linda, the sociopath's mom. Violet breaks the news that based on her handy true-false test her son isn't a serial killer. Congratulations! Linda isn't happy. She can't sleep, Violet won't give her any damn Ambien, and now she won't lock up her stone cold crazy eyed son either. Linda sobs on the couch. I bet Violet is really wishing she'd just given her the pills now, huh?
Super stalker Naomi is back at the hospital to harass Dell. She apologizes for taking him for granted. She wants him to come back. He refuses. He has a job where people respect him, teach him, and love him. He's not coming back. Naomi confesses that the practice has fallen part since he left and no one is speaking to anyone. Dell really couldn't care less. He is staying. As he walks off (again!) Addison, who happens to be standing right there, pipes in that he seems really happy there. Naomi tells her to suck it.
Cooper is bemoaning the lack of underlying conditions in bobble-headed baby to Charlotte. The kid will be mocked. Charlotte gives a litany of superstars with big heads. She tells him to doctor up and do his job. And take his clothes off. They had to sneak that in there just to make me uncomfortable.
Violet and Sam are still arguing about the fact that she fiscally irresponsibly spent all day with one patient when Pete runs by. Ernie is in the ER and he won't let anyone touch him except Pete. As Pete rushes into the hospital Addison waves from her post by the front door. Aren't hospitals really big places? How does she manage to be everywhere? It's kind of unsettling. Her patient is crashing so she scoots while Pete tends to Ernie. Ernie isn't looking so good. He is covered in burns and the Victoria's Secret purple passion has seared into his skin. Plus, he can't breathe. Pete barfily makes incisions in his chest and the camera zooms in so we get a good look at charbroiled flesh, blood, and brassiere. As Ernie takes in a deep breath, Pete tells him he is going to be okay. But all his firefighters have crowded into the room. They see the bra. Ernie is not going to be okay. Not at all.
Addison stumbles out of surgery again and is accosted by the same beleagured husband who she drive-by comforted before. He asks if his wife is going to be okay and Addison says yes. Again. The husband doesn't believe her because she said yes last time and then she had bleeding and Addison had to go back in. He demands that Addison tell her his wife's name. Addison can't do it. He berates her for running from one surgery to another and not even knowing her patients' names. It is obviously one of those scripted turning points: Addison' epiphany comes at 45 minutes in. Addison looks thoughtful while the husband turns away in disgust.
Ernie is retiring as fire chief. He can't have his men relying on someone who is a stressed out cross dresser. Pete tries to convince him that it's nothing a little therapy can't fix, Ernie's mind is made up and he is not going back. Pete reminds him that he is strong and brave and runs into burning buildings for Pete's sake. Not that Pete. The other one. Pete doesn't care what Ernie is wearing under his uniform so long as he gets him out of a burning building alive. Ernie's not so sure.
Addison is in the locker room at St. Ambrose when Charlotte asks her what it is like to be the best. Addison beams and then starts non sequiter like about how she left a place where nobody talked and came to a place where she didn't talk. To her patients that is. She just ran and cut all day and never talked to her patients. She doesn't want to be like that. She wants to know her patients. She thanks Charlotte for the job offer, but she already has a job.
Cooper tells bobble-headed baby's mom that her baby is fine. He may grow into his head, he may not. Every kid is different and every kid is special. He may be picked on, he may be a bully, he may be president. A lot of presidents have big heads. The mom smiles and Cooper has done his job.
Violet pulls up into the high school parking lot. She steps out of the car and is instantly loomed over by the angry young putative sociopath wielding a baseball bat. He demands to know what she said that made his mom cry. She looks nervous considering she just determined that he wasn't a sociopath. Violet explains that she told his mom that she couldn't help him if he wouldn't talk to her. Once again she pushes him to talk to her. He points his bat at her and tries to make her go away. She doesn't budge and eventually he breaks down. He killed the dog. But not because he wanted to. The dog had cancer and they couldn't afford the treatments. His dad's cancer had almost bankrupt them and his mom was insisting on paying for the dog's chemotherapy because she couldn't stand to watch it die. They couldn't even afford to put it down. So he did what he had to do. He starts crying. Ah hell, I start crying. He loved his dog. His dad told him he had to be the man. He had to be responsible. That is freaking depressing.
Dell tells Addison that Naomi asked him to come back. He is snarky about it and Addison won't stand for it, "Dell, when a friend asks you to step up, you do it." She adds that he is part of the family. Dell snorts, but Addison tells him to quit hiding out or he will never get what he wants. She gives him a look and he gets it.
As the not-sociopath and his mom hug, Violet stands outside the office feeling self-congratulatory. Or she does until she sees Addison and Naomi not talking to each other some more. She resolves to fix their woes and marches into Naomi's office to set things straight. She admits to Naomi that they used to be friends, but once Addison came they stopped being friends. Naomi can't just walk up to her and talk to her and expect them to be friends. She is not a surrogate for Addison. She demands that Naomi work it out with Addison and stop sleeping with Sam. And then come talk to her. When Naomi wants to talk to her, not fake-Addison! Naomi cries. There is some really weird reasoning in that there argument, but I am too lazy to parse it out.
As Addison settles into her office, Pete comes in. He tells her that he knows she did what she had to with the whole Naomi-Sam thing. He just wanted to say that. She appreciates it. They make nice. Dell charges into the clinic. Naomi follows him into Sam's office. Dell has a list of demands, but Sam refuses to negotiate. Refuses that is until Naomi demands that he stop using her as a sounding board, admit that he stole her job, and hire Dell. He does. Welcome back Dell!
Charlotte is upset, but Cooper won't let her get any action until she opens up about what it is. She admits that she offered Addison a job and she turned her down.
Addison and Christopher work off steam in a shooting range. First by shooting, then by making out. Which must be really annoying for everyone around them. And annoying people in a shooting range seems unwise at best.
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