World's Apart
Updated 2008-12-18 09:25:02
I really don't like this show. However, I do like Lulu Bates and since she begged for a night off in order to keep her sanity and because it is the holidays and I'm in a giving mood... off I go. And while this episode isn't really fantastic, it turns out it isn't nearly as excruciatingly painful as I anticipated. So there's something. A little Christmas miracle of sorts.
We open on Addison and SWAT rolling around on her 1000 thread count sheets. She looks like a happy and satisfied woman. He's pleased to report that he's feeling better. He pulls down the sheet to show off his scar and his stellar ab muscles. He thinks it's time for him to head back to his house. There are dishes that have been in the sink. It is difficult to judge time on this show, but it seems like it's been a couple of weeks at this point. At least. Right? So those dishes have to be pretty damned rank. She tells him that's what cleaning ladies are for, showing off her entitled side again. And she encourages him to stick around and enjoy the luxury that is her beachside home.
After some establishing shots of the beach, in which we see a rather out of shape looking surfer, we head into Oceanside Wellness, where Sam is frowning. Seems like there's only one patient in the entire lobby (though no one seems to be treating him) while Addison, Sam and Dell stand around. Addison and Sam complain that Charlotte is sending all the referrals from the hospital to her own practice. She likes money and has a basic understanding of how economics work, so this makes sense. Apparently her practice also has some really nice coffee. Even the Oceanside crew is sucked in by it. But like do they sneak up to the lobby when she isn't looking? I don't understand this. Dell suggests that they do a billboard to advertise. Addison poo poos this idea. Dell goes off to hide in his corner. Pretty much for the rest of the episode. No one mentions that the ad that they spent so much time on the beginning of this season really did nothing to grow their patient base. Addison is full of hope that Charlotte's patients will see beyond her coffee and overrated doctors.
At this point Wyatt walks off the elevator. He's there to see Naomi, but won't tell them why. He flirts with Addison; she's not amused. There's some eye-rolling going on. The well-dressed devil incarnate makes a snide comment about their floor looking very Swiss Family Robinson and strides off.
In the kitchen, Cooper's making coffee and Violet's making tea. Hey, at least they aren't stealing from Charlotte's stash. Cooper comments on her odd choice of tea and her unusual glow and deduces, correctly, that she got laid. She plays coy and won't tell him who. Even when Pete walks in.
Cooper sees his 12-year-old diabetic patient. He and his father are on the road traveling a lot. Porter, who likes to read, seems bright and gets examined. Porter says that he and his dad try hard to keep his insulin pump clean, but it still gets infected. Mom died when he was little. Oh, and it turns out that they aren't just traveling, they are also living out of their car.
Addison is examining her patient, Carly. We may or may not have seen this girl before, but if we have, I've totally blocked it. Somehow my mind is able to protect me from remembering the horrible details of this program after each episode ends. Addison's doing what seems to be a standard GYN exam, and asking Carly to tell her what she's doing at each point, which is odd, but apparently Carly's an aspiring med school student. Carly gets the all clear and is relieved. She explains that she's had an uptick in sexual partners lately. Eleven this month alone. And it's because she's a hooker. Not a real one that walks the street like in Pretty Woman. The classy kind, who gets taken on trips to Dubai and worries about exotic STDs. Besides, she's doing it to save up cash for med school. It's practically noble. At this point I realize that Addison's new hair cut makes her look about 10 years older, and it isn't flattering. She's too hot and hip to have this ugly mom cut. Addison gets all principled about Carly's occupation, but then agrees to see some of the other call girls, who may have this same STD. They need to keep it on the DL, so student health doesn't find out that there's a prostitution ring going on at the school. When does any studying get done? Addison gives Carly her card and cell phone number and says she's on call for the call girls.
Porter sits and reads while Cooper talks to the dad. He explains that the kid needs a new insulin pump and that will take three days, but the dad has a job he's got to get to in Oregon (it doesn't seem to be explained what this guy does for a living, but he sure does travel a lot). Cooper says that the kid will die if he doesn't get fixed up.
Addison talks to Sam and Violet in the kitchen, she says she's known Carly for a year, and she can't believe she's hooking. Sam thinks she's drawn in by the money. That would be the obvious reason. Thanks, Sam. Violet starts looking for deeper repressed issues. Cooper offers up his call girl experience, which seems vast. When Pete walks in Cooper asks if he's paid for sex before; apparently if you look like Tim Daly you don't have to. Good to know. Naomi finally walks in, and Sam and Addison want to know what Wyatt's deal is. She hasn't gone down there yet, but they bully her into going to find out before she eats whatever she grabbed out of the fridge.
Wyatt shows Naomi slides of his patient. She had a rare untreatable form of cancer that he magically fixed. Miracle! Now this woman wants to get pregnant. That's where Naomi comes in.
Cooper is on hold when Sam walks into his office. Apparently he's got nothing to do this episode besides nose around and talk to Cooper and Addison. Cooper's tracked down the serial number on Porter's insulin port and it seems to be stolen. When he finally gets a hold of the doctor who installed it, he finds out that it was originally put into a kid who has been kidnapped. Dun dun dun.
Cooper figures out that it isn't stolen, but it is the same kid. Sam wants to call the cops, but Cooper wants to talk to the kid to figure out what the situation is. If Porter were really in danger, the father wouldn't leave him alone with a doctor, who might tell him to call the cops. At least that's what Cooper reasons.
Naomi wants to know why Wyatt is suddenly giving her a patient. Seems too good to be true. And it is. Charlotte walks in and says the patient is theirs but they'd allow Naomi the opportunity to consult on this landmark case. Very big of her. She doesn't want to work for them, but they tag team her and tell her what an amazing doctor she is, what a challenge it would be and how much they really, really need her expertise.
The lobby of Oceanside Wellness is suddenly packed with college aged girls. One of the nubile young coeds approaches Sam, and asks about his book and flatters him with a heaping helping of flirting. Sam seems a bit interested; he hasn't put together the whole Addison hooker thing yet. Cooper takes one glance around the world and asks if it is college day. Better yet, they are call girls. It's like Cooper's favorite fantasy.
SWAT strolls off the elevator and asks the guys what is the deal with all the call girls. They look shocked/impressed. But it is an occupational hazard -- benefit? -- that he can recognize hookers very easily. He heads over to the kitchen, gets a kiss from Addison and then asks when she started seeing all the ladies of the night. Violet seems surprised that she agreed to this. Violet's kind of got issues with it, because they aren't dealing with the real reasons these girls became prostitutes. Money is my guess. She opposes the fact that they are just checking on their physical health. She's not pleased at how their practice has devolved. Addison doesn't think they should be so snobby. It's not like she's taking in those Hollywood Boulevard streetwalkers. SWAT informs that it doesn't matter what KIND of hooker they are. Once a whore, always a whore, basically. He's got stats. SWAT leaves her to see her patients.
Violet and Pete bump into each other in the elevator and they spend an inordinate amount of time making small talk and staring at each other's lips. They are just about to make out, when the doors slide open and they see Meg, who grabs Pete for some smooching. She ignores Violet. She's back and happy to see him, and she's picking up charts.
Cooper has called the father/son back into the office. He brings Porter into the back room to get the full story. Porter says that he is the missing kid Evan Dawson. He's OK, and his father is not hurting him. The reason his father kidnapped him in the first place was because his mom's new boyfriend was beating him up. Mom didn't believe her kid, but the dad did, so he took extreme methods to protect his kid. Nice, but then the kid is seizing on the floor. Dell rushes in and Cooper says he needs help with "Ethan." OK. This is where this show pisses me off. Twice in this scene he says Evan, then he says Ethan. Details, people. The father walks in and doesn't question why they are no longer calling the kid Porter, or why they are calling him two different names. They give the kid a shot and rush him off to the hospital.
At the hospital, the father says he's been keeping and eye on the pump. Cooper says his priority is Evan. But he has a hard time getting this name out. Like he's thinking about it. Again, father doesn't say like "dude, am I in trouble or what?"
Naomi is looking at stuff under a microscope. Addison and Sam walk in, wearing blue paper robes that would make it seem like they saw some patients. Shocking. Naomi wants to know if Addison is done with her hookers. She starts her schpiel about how it makes all women look bad. But Sam and Addy are there to get the scoop on Wyatt. They both get way pompously annoyed when she says she might go to the dark side.
On her patio, Addison arrives to see SWAT. She's pleased as punch when she finds out that the housekeeper she hired cleaned up his place. He doesn't like that she's paying for him. His place is neither disgusting nor pathetic, and if she'd ever ventured to the hood known as the Valley to see it, she'd know that. Her cell phone rings. It's Carly the med school hooker. She's in trouble. Her john beat her up. She's off to the rescue, all alone, against SWAT's better judgment.
She enlists the help of a reluctant Sam, so she doesn't have to go alone. He wants to know if they were really all call girls. Even the one that hit on him is the underlying subtext here. But yes, they do all have sex for money. It's helping them get an education.
Meg and Pete are out to dinner. He just stares at his plate not talking. He's like the worst secret keeper ever. He seems surprised that she picks up on the fact that something is wrong. She says she's not going to push, but he reassures her that they are very OK.
At the hospital, Cooper tells the worried Frank that his kid is going to live. Then he wants to know why Frank didn't just tell the police that the kid was getting beaten up. He says they wouldn't have believed them. Cooper says that he should turn himself in, but that leaves Evan/Ethan back with the mom and abusive boyfriend. Charlotte overhears a snippet of the conversation, since it does involve some raised voices, and wants to know if they've got a problem. Cooper says it is under control.
Sam and Addison get to the posh hotel, where Carly is lying on the bed all bruised on her face. She's got some broken ribs. She didn't call 911 because there would be questions. She starts hyperventilating. Addison Pulp Fiction s her in the heart with a big needle. This is pretty much the best thing I've seen on this show in ages.
After the commercials, the ambulance is there, taking Carly out on a stretcher, with the needle still sticking out from her chest. Cool! She doesn't want her parents to find out. Addison advises her to sign into the hospital as a Jane Doe and pay in cash. Sam just shakes his head.
Cooper buys Evan/Ethan a copy of The Count of Monte Cristo . The kid wants to know what's going to happen. Will his dad go to jail? Will he go be back to getting beaten up? Valid questions. He pleads with Cooper to just let them go.
At Oceanside Wellness, Naomi walks in to see Wyatt with miracle patient. Naomi agrees to see Claudia, and shoos Wyatt off. Claudia's really excited about getting pregnant, and she sings Wyatt's praises. She thinks his treatment involves scaring the cancer away. That's one approach. Naomi wants to know if this woman wants to go through the harsh fertility treatments, but Claudia's been through worse and she wants to have her own baby.
Pete enters Violet's office; he wants her professional advice. She makes him leave the door open. Which doesn't seem very patient/doctor like, or professional for that matter. Pete is upset because Meg knows something is up. Violet thinks that he shouldn't own up to cheating if he wants to stay with Meg. It's mean and unnecessary and he needs to suck up his guilt. That's if he wants to stay with Meg. But she totally gives him that, "if you don't want to stay with Meg I'm available" look. This is also known as "desperate" face.
Naomi goes chasing after Wyatt, demanding to know why he ambushed her and why he picked her in the first place. He researched and she's the best. He likes to win and he demands nothing but the best. It's not his ego (but it is), he just wants to change the world. Doesn't Naomi want to break new ground too?
Addison visits Carly. She wants her to quit her call girl gig, but Carly needs the cash, so she's going back to it, soon as she stops looking like a Mac Truck hit her in the face. She wants to go to school debt free. She wants to be just like Addison. Addison thinks she needs a different job, but Carly's tasted the beauty of fast cash for sex and she's not going back to waitressing. Then she gives Addy some shit for never having to deal with student loans (which are indeed a bitch). Addy has no right to tell her what to do since she's never had to make a choice like this. Addison wants to call her parents, but she can't because she's over 18.
Cooper and Addison talk about their ethical dilemmas. Should he rat out the well-meaning father and get a good guy tossed in jail? She wants to know if she should turn her call girl in to her parents to save her life. Cooper says that we can't judge someone's actions; it is their life to lead. Profound. Truly.
Naomi tells Violet that she's going to do something bad. Does Violet see patients, or does she just dispense advice to the nutjobs running around this practice all the time? Violet wants to know if she slept with Wyatt. Uh, not everyone jumps into bed with people they work with. Violet's got sex on the brain. Naomi's tempted to consult on a case, but wants to know if that is the wrong decision. Violet waffles for like 15 minutes and then finally says "I don't know," leaving a perplexed Audra McDonald wasting her Tony-winning talent for yet another night. They could at least have had her sussing out this dilemma in song.
Charlotte confronts Cooper at the hospital. She's on to the kidnapping and he's aiding and abetting. He tells her to stay out of it. She's already called the cops. She wants to save his ass from losing his license. He runs off to Evan's room. Tells the dad what he needs to do to keep him healthy, and gets the father/son out before they get caught. Advising little Ethan/Evan to keep reading. Oh, and don't die!
Violet stares vacantly into Pete's empty office, as he sneaks up behind her and asks if she's looking for him. She lies and says no. He thanks her for the talk. They make eyes at each other. They awkwardly sidestep each other. Some sexy music starts playing as he excuses himself. Subtle. She looks all hot and bothered, then she turns and follows him into his office. They decide to finish their conversation, and by that, I mean grope each other against his credenza. At which point Meg walks in. Sees them making out. And then promptly walks out. Pete races after her. He claims he didn't mean to hurt her, but it is too late, and she leaves.
Addison is in the kitchen swilling coffee from Charlotte's practice. They even have pre-printed cups. Fancy. I would have expected mugs, but whatever. I think maybe that Addison should be introduced to Starbucks. The coffee is pricey, but she's loaded, and it doesn't come with the guilt of stealing from your nemesis. They could send Dell on coffee runs, since he's clearly got absolutely nothing else to do. Anyway, Naomi walks in and wants to talk to her and Sam. She's decided to consult with Wyatt. They say it is wrong. She wants to be inspired. She feels like she's lost something since she nearly ran the practice into the ground. Sam sums up the whole episode, saying this is just one step in the wrong direction -- they've got people treating hookers, helping kidnappers, teaching girls to lie to get treatment. They don't need Naomi selling out on top of all that. He thinks she has principles, and loves her job, but yet is happy to go help someone who wants to see their practice go under. And then he says Wyatt is just an egomaniac who wants to get recognition and doesn't care about his patients (which is kind of how they had Sam written in the beginning of this series with his charming ways and his popular book.) Sam gets all tense and then storms off. Addison reluctantly dumps out her coffee. She agrees that it is hard to stop doing something once you start.
Charlotte barges into Cooper's place. She's spittin' mad that he tipped off the dad/son and got them out of there. He could go to jail. But he won't be 'cause she covered for him. Now they are even, at least in her mind.
Addison goes to see Carly again. She's got a lecture prepared. She may never have had to choose between waitressing and whoring, but once you start hooking, you are always a hooker... even if you are doing it for a good reason. She says she's not her doctor anymore.
Cooper strolls into Violet's office. She tells him that she slept with Pete. He doesn't believe her. So he walks off for his date with Angelina Jolie. Why is it so hard to believe she slept with Pete? She's attractive? He's attractive. Everyone else has already hooked up. Why not?
Sam's in the elevator when Wyatt gets on. Sam stops the elevator and starts talking about how he uses an inhaler. Apparently he can't breathe when he gets mad, exercises (which would be a lot) or gets generally worked up. He's got a whole mess of prescriptions ready if Wyatt dares messes with Naomi. He's gonna take weasely Wyatt out. Awesome.
Addison gets home and sees SWAT waiting for her. He's got his bags packed and he's ready to go. He's pissed off that she doesn't listen to him, pays to have his house cleaned, has never been to his house... blah blah blah... she's rich, he's not. It will never work. I love that he's playing the anti-Christopher in the situation. He finally hits home when he asks if they'd be together if he hadn't gotten shot. Um, no. Not so much. He doesn't like the world she lives in, or sees how she sees the world and her hooker patients. So he tosses a wad of cash on the table for the gardener and housekeeper (who feels like a hooker now? Huh?) and walks out. Bye, SWAT. I'll miss your toned ab muscles.
Visit the Private Practice forums and see why Oceanside Wellness is the worst .