Ring a Ding Ding
Updated 2002-01-28 16:00:00
Over a meal with the ladies, Miranda peruses the letter, saying that Carrie isn't being evicted, but has thirty days to decide if she's going to move out or buy the apartment back from Aidan. Samantha, wearing the butt-ugliest gold pendant of a mudflap girl, pronounces Aidan's tactic "tacky." No, hon, that necklace is tacky. Aidan is forcing Carrie to be a grown-up, for once in her life. It's not nice, but he bought the two apartments for their life together. Now that they don't have a life together, well? Mir tosses out expositionally that "life gets complicated," and that she and Steve are "drawing up papers to time-share [their] kid!" Oh, my. Doesn't that seem rather '90s? Or maybe it's too Tom-and-Nicole for my taste. If I ever produce offspring, there has to be someone with me to help raise it. That, or I'm adopting an eight-year-old, so it's, like, already halfway raised. Then when the kid ever gets lippy, I can be like, "Hey! No one else WANTED you! I RESCUED your ungrateful ass! You had better remember what side of your bread has Nutella on it and smarten UP!" Carrie starts whining and creasing her forehead, and Mir calls Aidan's decision "more than fair." Carrie is all, "I'm homeless! I'll be a bag lady! A Fendi bag lady, but a bag lady." Oy, with the melodramatics. Charlotte is all, why not buy your place? Carrie goes, "I'm not a buyer, New York is a city of renters." That is so stupid. Every other woman at the table is all, I don't rent. Carrie ***** her giant marsupial head at Char and is all, you didn't BUY your place, you got it in a settlement. Char gets head-swivel-y right back and says, "Ohh, I PAID for that apartment." Yeah, she did. In a sense. Miranda farts. Everyone is all, eww. Sam asks that she control her ass action because farting (at the table, and in general) is "unappetizing." Mir says she's "so swollen and gassy!" Hee. Sam whips out her new Chanel wallet, and Carrie plotzes. It was a gift from Richard, says Sam. Char gushes, "He's so totally in love with you!" Sam says he's not, and produces the note that came with the gift as evidence. "Style for style, best, Richard." Ooh, "best." I prefer "yours," if not "love." Mir says, "'Best' is the worst." Hee. Sam says, "'Best' is like signing 'not love'!" Carrie, in her "back to ME now" style, blurts out that Aidan wanted her to keep the ring, but she didn't. Sam calls her "a fool." Did Char ever think about giving her ring back? Char says, "Nooooo!" Carrie said if she had kept it, it would have broken her heart each time she looked at it. Wow, a selfish reason to give a thing back, even! Bradshaw, you've outdone yourself.
Kaboom -- Charlotte is at a jewelry store, facing an upbeat saleswoman. She's getting her 2.17-carat ring (from Tiffany's, don't you know) appraised and seeing what it can be turned into. The saleswoman gushes that a floating diamond necklace would be "to die." Or maybe a pendant? Or earrings? Char draws back a bit and asks if this turning an engagement ring into some other piece of jewelry thing is often done. The saleswoman points to her earrings, which used to be her baguettes, until her husband turned out to be a "*****-uette. He had good taste, though." Sigh. Char grabs her ring and runs for the door, not ready to give up the rock.