Arctic
Updated 2008-05-16 09:44:43
Edward Teague's infatuation with monk's robes doesn't last long. Next thing we know, he's wearing regular clothes and flying Private Rich Person Airways alone to South America. Kara shows up, however, to rip the plane apart. He tells her that she can get information about Veritas from Lex. That's all she needs from him and it's goodbye Teague and his jet. Of course we know that Kara is under the control of Brainiac. Or, more accurately, she's Brainiac in disguise. Meanwhile, Lex keeps sending teams to the Arctic Circle that the 20-Sided Purple Die of Mapquest Magic pointed him toward and they keep disappearing. Kara/Brainiac goes after Lex, but finds that she can't touch the 20-Sided Die. Apparently, only a human like Lex can use it. So she tells Lex the identity of The Traveler (as well as revealing her own Kryptonian identity), hoping to spur him on to the Fortress of Solititude. Kara then goes after Chloe, who thinks a little chunk of Kryptonite is going to protect her. Not when it's Brainiac in there. Brainiac mind-melds with Chloe, sending her into a coma like Lana's. But he gets a little damage, too: Chloe's meteor-freak healing powers weaken him. ~~ Brainiac goes to a power plant to recharge, but Clark is there waiting for him. Brainiac reveals that he sent Kara to the Phantom Zone. Clark kills Brainiac with electricity, which you'd figure would just charge him up. Clark's rationale is that Brainiac is a machine, not a man. Chloe is instantly out of Brainiac's grip, as is Lana. Clark and Lana forever, right? Not so fast: Lana leaves Clark a depressing video telling him that the world needs Clark more than she does, even though she desperately loves him. She asks that he not go looking for her. She cries. Clark cries. Lois, who happens to come in and see part of the video, cries too. She hugs Clark as they both cry and it's just a goddamned abomination of stupid. ~~ Meanwhile, Lex is dealing with whiny Jimmy Olsen. Lex uses Jimmy to get Lois off his back by making her think he's up in the Arctic looking for oil reserves. Jimmy feels slimy lying to Lois, so he tells Lex he doesn't want to help anymore. This leads to government thugs coming after Chloe for all of her hacking just as Jimmy was trying to propose marriage to her with a toy ring. (Seriously. A toy ring.) Lex goes to the Fortress for a final confrontation with Clark. After speechifying about Clark not trusting him and how he's doing humanity a favor by killing off a threat, Lex puts the 20-Sided Die of Doom into an Ice Dildo Holder. It attacks Clark with a beam of energy, weakening him, and brings the Fortress crumbling down. The season ends with sheets of ice tumbling all around them.