'Ships Of Fools
Updated 2007-02-05 16:00:00
I never thought I'd say that I miss having Kryptofreaks around, but, damn, Smallville? Are you crazy?! No, wait, that was last week. This week's episode has more sinking 'ships than the Bermuda Triangle. Jimmy gets the weird idea of pairing up Lois and Clark, so he arranges to have them meet at a Valentine's Day party at The Talon. It goes predictably badly until Lois meets a mysterious woman who gives her an aphrodisiac lipstick containing red Kryptonite. Lois becomes smitten with Clark, and goes after him with a corset and miniskirt vengeance. She even makes him a Whitesnake mix CD which, in the full recap, will force my hand at revealing that, yes, I owned a cassette tape of Still Of The Night. Clark resists for a while, but eventually Lois plants a kiss on him, infecting him with the Red K. Just as they're about to do it right on Oliver's apartment furniture, Clark finds an invitation to Lex and Lana's engagement party. Lex and Lana have decided not to reveal Lana's pregnancy, but that plan goes awry when Clark -- in black clothes, of course -- crashes the party and says horrible things to everyone. To MamaKent: "I hate Papa Luthor and his Luthor ass face!" To Chloe: "You like me, and maybe I'll do you someday." To Lex and Lana: "You don't belong together, you're having a baby, and hey, let me borrow the lady." As everybody scrambles, Chloe and Jimmy use an antidote on Lois. Clark takes Lana with him, spirits her off to the barn, and forces a kiss on her that she instantly returns. He tells her not to marry Lex, and she rants at Clark for his lousy timing and thecrecy and lieth, yet again. It sounds a tiny bit familiar. Lex shows up and pulls a gun on Clark, which doesn't go well. MamaKent busts out the green Kryptonite, heals Clark, and saves Lex's life. Lex and Lana aren't exactly thrilled with everything that's happening, and Lex once again sees that this marriage ain't gonna be preternaturally pretty. But here's a creepy note: the doctor making sure Lana's pregnancy is still fine tells Lex on the sly that things are on schedule even though it's not a normal pregnancy. Kryptobaby in the belly! Clark and Lois have a weird make-up scene together that's as gooey as a PB&J sandwich. Lana finds a screwdriver Lex tried to drive into Clark's stomach, but got all bent up. She gets ever closer to Clark's secret. Which would have been interesting about three seasons ago.