Welcome back, lovers of pain! Lana and Bizarro Clark are apparently getting along fabulously, because they"re in bed naked together, and instead of being all evil, Bizarro Clark just wants to stare at Lana and take her to Paris and make pancakes. Lana is apparently the ultimate rehabilitation for evil space criminals. Bizarro takes time out from living under the whip to track down Milton SoFine/Braniac, who is living in the slums, barely surviving in his diminished physical state. It"s squalid living, but robot"s gotta eat, right? Wait. Robots don"t eat! Professor SoFine tells deep-voiced Bizarro Clark about yet another Kryptonian living on Earth. This one is named Dax-Ur; he"s a scientist who came to Earth a long time ago and thought about saving the world, but now hangs out in Arizona repairing cars. Bizarro finds out that he can track down Dax-Ur by using a Kryptonian crest Clark found last year. Bizarro blows his cover trying to get Chloe to help him find the crest. Chloe, suspicious, goes to Lana and tells her she thinks something"s off about Clark. Lana"s like, "He must be Clark because, like every other great man in the universe, he totally adores me! Step off, bitch!" Clark and Lana tell Chloe that they"re leaving Smallville together, which sounds fantastic on paper. Not so much in execution when the show is called Smallville. Bizarro Clark makes an ill-conceived trip to the Fortress, pissing off Jarnelle, who frees Clark from the Interstellar Frozen Block of Putting Your Kid in Time-Out. Clark finds out what crazy shit"s been going on and learns that blue Kryptonite is the key to defeating Bizarro. Clark finds Dax-Ur, who is living like a normal human with a nice family and wears a chunky, ass-ugly blue Kryptonite bracelet. You"re a genius scientist and engineer, but you can"t make a decent-looking piece of jewelry? Lana and Clark confront Bizarro. Lana uses the blue Kryptonite to defeat him, but not before saying that she was more in love with the evil version of Clark than she"s ever been with anyone else. Oops. That makes things pretty damned awkward when Lana and Clark have to try to share the same bed later. Meanwhile, on what seems like a whole other show, Boy Editor Clone goes to Papa Luthor and the two of them decide to let cloning bygones be bygones and go play father-son catch or something. Lex really hates this idea and takes it as a betrayal. In addition to laying down some layoffs at the Daily Planet, Lex fires Boy Editor. Boy Editor tells Lex to piss off, and goes off for a great steak dinner with Papa Luthor. It"ll be his last. A supposed mugger holds up the two men and shoots Boy Editor until he"s good and dead. The mugger text-messages Lex, "Job done." Lex walks out into the rain and pretends he"s in a dramatic music video. Oh, the angst. Braniac pays a little visit to Dax-Ur, the scientist who helped to create him. Braniac wants Dax-Ur to fix whatever"s wrong with him. Instead of getting up on the car-lift, Braniac stabs Dax-Ur in the brain and steals his knowledge. This is how, sadly, a space droid has become the most interesting person on this show.