Rabid
Updated 2009-10-11 23:26:23
Welcome to Clark's unconscious, sweaty face! His eyes snap open and he rolls them around a little. He lets out a "Mehhh!" of struggle and pain. Or maybe it's more of a "Muhhh!" Sounds are so hard to spell out. I admire comic book writers who do it well. As Clark slowly sits up, it becomes obvious he was subjected to some sort of medical procedure: He's lying on some kind of medical table and there's a loosened latex strap at the crook of his elbow. His light blue shirt is open over a white A-shirt. He lifts away the strap and reveals an angry bruise. I confess that at first I mostly noticed the nice bulgy vein in his biceps. My compliments to Tom Welling's free weights. Clark clutches at the wound in pain and staggers to his feet. As he looks around, it becomes apparent that he's at the balcony level of the Watchtower. He's alone. On a desk a few feet away, his cell phone rings. He pauses before picking it up because on a cart right by him, there's a syringe with two tiny green droplets on the needle. He knocks the cart over and picks up the phone. There's a text message from Oliver that reads, "I lost her." Clark frowns, breathing heavily.
Clark stumbles out of the building and has a look around. A bike lies on the sidewalk. An abandoned car beeps because its doors have been left open. An aerial shot shows a seemingly abandoned Metropolis beneath gray and cloudy skies. Clark stands in an intersection and uses his superhearing. Aren't you glad they don't show the inside of his ear anymore? Now it's just a halo of distorted light and Clark looking like he's concentrating on math homework. He hears heavy metal music and guesses it must be Lois for some reason. He follows the music to the Daily Planet offices. The basement has been ransacked. The overhead lights flicker. He hears some machinery and goes to the copy room, where he comes up behind a shapely lass in a blue top and black skirt. She's standing over a copy machine, which is running with the top open. We see just her hands on the scanning plate. Then gobbets of syrupy-looking drool splatter between her hands, accompanied by a sound like a stewed tomato being vigorously squeezed. Num! Clark calls to her: "Lois, are you OK?" She twitches then wheels around to face him. Her skin is gray and pale, her eyes are red, and black, inky ooze coats her teeth. How many times do people have to tell you not to gargle with copier toner, Lois? She lunges at Clark, her gnashing teeth devouring the whole screen. Somebody save him!
OK, on first watch, that was actually kind of a freaky reveal. Having seen the whole episode now, though, the scene kind of makes me giggle because it means Lois got zombified and then went to play her heavy metal CD. Some zombies go right for your brains, but Lois goes for her tunes.
We come back from the commercial break to the Daily Planet, twelve hours earlier. It's night and Clark, his work clothes all fresh and purty, is listening to his police scanner. Pinned up beside him on the side of a file cabinet, there are schematics for what look like different stealth bombers. (At first I didn't think this had anything to do with anything, but now I think someone was trying to stealthily warn us of the plane-related "banter" that's about to take place.) Clark switches off the scanner when he sees Lois approaching. She's wearing the same outfit that she was in the opener. She sits down across from him and says, "Just you and me, flying the red-eye on this paper airplane." She says it's almost like Clark never left the cockpit. Clark smiles: "It's nice to have my co-pilot here." Lois beams at him and hoists an overnight bag up onto her desk. Clark wonders what it is. She shows him the contents: Comfort food (bagged popcorn), comfort footwear (colorful slippers), and comfort music (heavy metal CD). Clark narrows his eyes and asks her if everything's OK, because she seems a little "off." Yeah, she's not haranguing you; something must be wrong! She too-cheerfully mentions that the Blur hasn't contacted her in a week. Clark, looking displeased as the compartmentalization of his split personality begins, says that he didn't realize that Lois and the Blur have been "seeing each other." Soon, Clark will be arguing with the Blur about how he doesn't deserve Lois. The Blur will argue back that he has just as much right to date Lois as Clark does. It will probably involve Clark talking to a sock on his hand. He will draw a little "S" on the sole, and sew little buttons on the toe for eyes. The final mental break will come when Clark makes a tiny black trench coat for it.
Lois says they're not seeing each other, but a girl's gotta hope. Now Clark smiles a little to himself. These scenes would be so much cuter and make more sense if all the years that Clark lived in torment over having to lie to Lana had never happened. Lois is distracted by an email alerting her to a "major fire" on East Brunswick. She's positively glowing at the prospect. Yeah, maybe some people will die of smoke inhalation! Woo! Fun! Clark offers to get her some coffee since they'll be there all night. In the two seconds it takes Lois to turn around to face him, he's zipped away and zipped back again. He holds a cup of coffee out to her. "That was quick," she remarks. Lois notes that something smells like smoke and Clark cutely reaches around behind his butt to rub some soot off his hands. Lois's email tells her that the fire's been put out by the Blur. She gushes about how amazing he is, putting out fires in three seconds. "Two seconds," Clark corrects. When another email alerts them to a motorcycle chase, Clark uses his superbreath to chill Lois's coffee. She leaves to get another one and he zips away to the scene of the chase.
Now dressed in his Emo Blur outfit, Clark pushes a truck through a fence and out into the street to block the speeding cyclist's path. Luckily for the truck's owner and his insurance company, the cyclist screeches to a stop before crashing into anything. The rider of the pretty little red Ducati pulls off his helmet. It's Oliver, naturally, and he looks annoyed. He sees Clark and calls him the "King of buzzkill." Clark doesn't retort that Oliver is the Duke of Douchebaggery, but he's probably thinking it. Oliver has a dumb, awkwardly phrased line about Clark and his pet rock at a barbecue, meaning the fight with Doomsday . A barbecue would have more fire. "I had my money on Doomsday," Oliver snarks. Clark thinks Oliver is trying to play it off as a joke, but says he knows the loss of Jimmy affected them both. Oliver says he thinks that God's got a sick sense of humor. Don't be starting any blasphemous rumors , Ollie! Oliver apologizes for taking godly Clark's name in vain. Clark says he should have listened to Oliver and gotten rid of Davis instead of believing in him. That seems like the wrong lesson to take away from all that, but moral dilemmas are just going to slow us down. Speaking of slowing down, where are the cops in this "high speed chase"? They go back and forth about what they're supposed to do and Oliver sounds bitter about being a "mere mortal." Clark says Oliver is meant for more than this. Oliver wonders, as I did, what the "S" stands for. "It gives people hope," Clark says. Yes, they hope to know what it stands for one day. Oliver gets after Clark for his superiority and accuses him of wanting to be worshipped like a "modern Jesus." Is that anything like a personal Jesus ? Oliver gets back on his bike and speeds off. Finally a single cop car shows up to chase after him. Clark watches with a tiny frown.
Down at the Luthor mansion, Tess is sitting in front of the fireplace with her tablet PC. She's reviewing the alien symbols that are burned into the ground all over the planet: One that looks like a little dude with a triangular hat in Brazil, an inverted diamond in Mongolia, Benjamin Franklin's kite in China, and Clark's "S" in Turkey. Oh, that's so appropriate. His symbol, by the way, is all nice and professional-looking with its little serifs, while the others are sort of folk-art primitive. Tess looks up from the screen with something like fear in her eyes. Her well-dressed minion from last week is let into the room by a man whose bearing says, "I'm security personnel." Surely this means he'll be dead soon. Tess says to the minion, "Have you found them? They should have reported in by now." "They may have run into trouble," he admits. The "they" they're talking about are twelve ex-Navy SEALS, according to Tess, who should be able to handle themselves. Tess worries that the longer it takes to find the Kryptonians, the more they'll blend in and disappear. Minion looks chagrinned over the seeming failure of the mission, but he doesn't have to answer because a man lets out a surprised shout in the hall outside.
There are sounds of a struggle and racing footsteps. A shadow runs past the leaded glass door. Minion pulls out a gun and goes out for a look. Tess follows close behind, looking uncharacteristically nervous. The security guard from just moments ago is lying facedown on the floor. Minion crouches down beside him and rolls him over, revealing bloody scratches and possibly bite marks on his face. Minion frowns up at Tess to confirm his death. Yep, right on time. Minion hears broken voices and static coming over his earpiece. The lights go out. Minion goes over to the window to investigate a soft tapping coming from outside. It looks like it's just a plant brushing against the pane, so he starts to say everything's OK, which the universe takes as a cue to send someone hurtling through the window at him. The attacker looks like a drooling, gray-skinned Vin Diesel. I think he's one of the ex-Navy SEALs come home, but Nasty SEAL is more like it. He knocks Minion down and starts beating the tar out of him. Tess lets out a girlish yelp and runs back to the office, slamming the door behind her. She grabs her phone and dials 9-1-1, but the lines are busy. She hears throaty breathing behind her and turns to see Vin. He's drooling black ooze or blood or both. He attacks Tess, but she fends him off with a nearby decanter. Another SEAL bursts into the room to attack. Tess unsheaths a katana and starts hacking and slashing away at them. This fight just became ten times better than the Doomsday and Metallo fights combined. A third SEAL grabs Tess from behind and sinks his teeth into her shoulder, complete with squelchy tomato noises. Tess raises her sword in a sort of seppuku pose and skewers her attacker. When he staggers back in surprise, she spins on him and slashes his throat. He convulses, then drops. Tess, breathing heavily, looks at the carnage in horror.
Now to the familiar environs of Metropolis General. Clark and Lois have come to see Tess. Clark says something doesn't make sense: "Tess doesn't seem like the nervous breakdown type." "But she is the lying, cheating, scheming type," Lois says. Lois anvils that keeping so many secrets will start to back up on you. Clark looks constipated. Lois points to Tess's ramblings about the alien orb and zombies as evidence of the crazy. Clark thinks there's more to it than that, but Lois thinks he's gullible. Clark suggests Lois call her "new best friend" for help. Lois balks at the idea: "I'm not going to cry wolf just to get a pity call from Studly Do-Right." Seriously, Lois, you have no idea what he looks like. NONE! Clark thinks the Blur would side with him, anyway. "Why, because you two have so much in common?" Lois snorts at him. You're just mean, girl. Further jibes are cut short so that Lois and Clark can eavesdrop on two doctors who are discussing Tess's case. One of them thinks could be a psychological problem, the other, referred to as Dr. Coats, thinks the delusions are caused by the virus. He's sending Tess's samples to the "Disease Control" labs. He walks past Lois and Clark in the hall, his sharply angular jaw nearly slicing them in half. Lois and Clark head for Tess's room. Lois wants to find out what made "Cruella" snap. Tess looks like she's just peacefully snoozing on her side. Lois leans over her and asks what happened. Tess rolls over, exposing her blotchy gray skin, black teeth, and red eyes. (Oh, hey, maybe that was the red-eye Lois thought they were supposed to catch earlier!) Tess growls at Lois -- but not in a come-hither way -- and tosses her across the room. Clark wrestles her back down onto the bed and calls for a doctor. The non-Coats doctor comes in and jabs a syringe full of sedative into Tess's neck. Tess stills and Clark goes to help Lois up. Sorta funny: When Lois stands up, there's a poster behind her that reads, "Back pain?" Lois, probably realizing something is wrong because Tess isn't trying to make sweet, naughty love to her, heads back to the office to write the story. Clark looks at Tess and thinks, "Gotta add toothpaste to my grocery list."
Back at the Watchtower, Chloe is looking up at a map and comparing it to something on her built-in desk computer. When the door opens behind her, she jumps and quickly touches the display screen, swapping out a photo of a tank stopped near a desertous hillside for... another, just-slightly-different photo of a tank stopped near a desertous hillside. Chloe turns to see Emil and offers him some lo mein in a take-out carton. Emil declines because he's just had macrobiotic Korean kelp salad. Chloe gives him a "WTF?" face. Emil notes that Chloe was startled when he came in. Gee, I dunno why. It's not like people got murdered in there a few weeks ago. Emil says he would prefer not having secrets between them. Sure thing, Lana . Chloe beams up at him and says, "Then you're in the wrong business." Clark superzips in, interrupting the strangely romantic vibe that was just getting going, and hands Chloe a little yellow case containing a vial of Tess's blood. He asks Chloe to run tests on it to find out what's infected Tess. "Lois and I went to see her at Met Gen and she attacked us both." Chloe snarks that this is no different from every other day. Nonetheless, she pulls up surveillance video from the mansion showing the zombified SEALs. Emil medibabbles about a "viral rage" and parts of the brain that have to do with the "fight or flight instinct." Clark asks Emil to get some information from the Disease Control people. Emil says it would take him half an hour to get across town (pshaw, it doesn't even take that long to get to Smallville!) and Clark asks Emil if he gets motion sickness. "Not really," Emil replies. Clark grabs him by the shoulder and zips them both out of there. Chloe, watching this exchange, lets out a weirdly bitter, "Really?"
Metropolis Gen, where Emil isn't barfing. Those are some serious mutton chops Emil is sporting. After he adjusts to his new surroundings for a moment, he introduces himself to Dr. Coats and his manly jaw. Clark listens in on their conversation and learns that Tess's condition hasn't changed. Coats also thinks the virus is airborne because of how fast it's spreading. To Emil's surprise, Tess made it into the Daily Planet that morning, but then was brought to the ER after experiencing "mental trauma." They're about to quarantine both the mansion and the DP building. Clark worries about Lois.
She's just walking into the office now. The lights go off, then fizz and flicker. Lois grabs a phone and starts dialing. The maintenance crew? The electric company? We don't find out, because just then she notices her editor slumped over a desk and puts down the phone. "Randall?" she calls to him. She tells him to "rise and shine" and he half obliges her by rising. No shining, though, because he's a drooly gross zombie now. He frog-jumps up onto his desk then lunges for Lois. She runs and runs, but comes up against a female zombie. Lois grabs a nearby fire extinguisher and starts hitting them upside their heads. Someone else approaches her from behind and Lois swings again, but it's just Clark. He says he's going to get her out of there, but she thinks he has no idea what's going on. " I'll get us through this," she says, and promptly runs into another zombie. Seems like this would have been a good time for Clark to either risk revealing his super powers or just zip her out of there so fast that Lois credits the Blur. I guess if they used logic, the show would only be about eight minutes long. Clark and Lois run up the stairs, but one of the lady zombies grabs Lois and sinks her teeth into Lois's thigh. They keep fighting, and within a few moments they're swarmed. Clark pushes one guy into a bunch of other zombies and they go down like bowling pins. Surprisingly, they stay down. Clark turns his attention to Lois and notices the bite mark on her leg. "Let's get you someplace safe," he says, and picks her up. They exchange googly looks. Lois smiles dopily at him as he carries her up the stairs. A time and a place, kids. A time and a place.
LuthorCorp building. Inside, Oliver is pleasantly shirtless. A woman wearing only a police uniform top examines Oliver's wallet. "I know I was supposed to give this back to you after I checked your license, but I couldn't help myself." I guess she was the lone cop who was chasing him. Oliver broods and drinks whiskey. Lady cop makes a remark about Oliver's many platinum cards, then finds a picture of Lois. "But I bet this is the most valuable of them all," she says, because yet another bitter love triangle is exactly what this show needs. Oliver looks sad. He pops some pills. She tells him not to "speed" in here. Oliver says he's been awake since Tuesday and the pills are the only thing keeping him vertical. No one makes a joke about getting horizontal. They kiss and kiss. Lady cop starts to undo Oliver's pants but a piece of his belt buckle clatters to the floor. Instead of continuing their prelude to a hump, she picks up the buckle and notices a tiny camera in it. Oliver seems surprised to see the spyware. Lady cop thinks Oliver had plans to put her naughty bits on YouTube. She tells Oliver not to call or E-mail. "Don't worry -- I never do." She slaps him. His torso sure is oily. He doesn't try to stop her leaving. He looks at the buckle again and smiles. "Mercy," he muses out loud.
Meanwhile, at the Watchtower, Chloe is analyzing the blood sample. Emil joins her and she explains that she's found a suspect enzyme, but she can't find a match. She asks Emil if he got anything from the Disease Control Agency. He pulls up a computer model of the outbreak's path that spreads over most of the city. He explains that Dr. Coats thinks the virus induces sleep so that it can "germinate." Emil and Chloe think they would be able to create an antidote if they mimic the enzyme. All they need is a blood match. Emil looks at Chloe's data and realizes he's seen an enzyme like that once before: "In Davis Bloome." Chloe frowns. Have you ever noticed how many scenes in this show end with someone frowning? Let me tell you, it's a lot.
Daily Planet. Clark rips a strip of fabric from his shirt to bandage Lois's wound. They look at each other for a long time before she asks, "Do you think they've quarantined the city?" Clark says they probably have, because they've found out it's an airborne virus. Lois thinks this means they could both be infected. She thinks it would suck to die without any closure. Lady, if you want satisfying closure, you need to get yourself on another show. She asks Clark if he has any "deep, dark secrets." Instead of answering, he asks, "Do you?" She confesses that when she was talking to the Blur, she felt like she was finally doing something that mattered. "I wanted to work with him because we did such good things together, but then I realized I wasn't doing it just to save people. I was doing it for me." Clark gives her a small smile. "I just wanted to be with him," she says, near tears. Clark says having a crush doesn't make her a bad person. Lois gets closer to Clark and says now that she's had this kind of "connection" with someone, she doesn't want to go back to how things were before. She admits she doesn't doesn't want to be alone anymore. So... she's making a play for Clark? Because the Blur hasn't called her in a few days? Or is she just being weirdly snuggly with Clark while she tells him how much she wants to be with the Blur? I don't get the purpose of this scene except to anvil us with the whole "love triangle for two" thing. For the characters within their little universe, it doesn't make a lot of sense. Clark and Lois stare at each other for fifteen hours while sad orchestral music plays.
Luckily, the ringing of Clark's cell phone saves me from drowning in treacle. It's a message from Chloe: "Need you at watchtower." Clark starts to get Lois out of the building, but a zombie comes crashing through the glass door. He falls to the ground, dead. Oliver enters behind him, pumping a shotgun with one hand. All right, what are all these zombies doing here? Did they wake up at home all zombified (since the virus requires a sleeping host) and then commute in to work anyway? Is the economy so bad that even raging zombies are afraid of losing their jobs? Lois asks Oliver what he's doing there. "I was looking for Tess when the whole building went all Resident Evil ." Thanks for helping me out with a recap title, Ollie . They hear the growls of approaching zombies and head for the elevators, explaining along the way about the virus's incubation habits so that everyone is up to speed. Clark bundles Lois and Oliver into an elevator and decides goes for help. Also, oh my God, I just got Oliver's name. Oliver... olive... olive green... Green Arrow! In my defense, I didn't read a lot of Green Arrow comics and until recently have never had occasion to type "Oliver" so many times in one sitting. Clark admonishes Oliver not to let Lois fall asleep.
At the Watchtower, Emil and Chloe are hard at work. Well, Emil is squinting at a computer screen and Chloe is looking at a little tube of green liquid. Emil announces he's found the antidote: "But we're running out of time. Where's this mystery extraterrestrial specimen with Davis Bloome's blood type?" Right on cue, Clark zips in and says, "You're looking at him." Emil cocks his head as he realizes this means Clark is an alien. Clark knows they need to draw his blood, but doesn't think a needle will puncture his skin. Chloe says that "Dr. Emil" (shouldn't that be "Dr. Hamilton"?) has gotten one of his LuthorCorp contacts to send over liquid kryptonite. After they dip the needle in that, it'll penetrate through his skin. Moments later, Clark is lying down on the bed we saw in the opener. Emil ties off his arm with the latex strap and sticks him with the syringe. Clark screams a lot and stiffens in agony. Somehow, a tiny drop of kryptonite affects him a lot more than that time he guzzled it like Gatorade . Chloe tries to get Emil to stop, but he needs more blood. Clark passes out. "It's killing him!" Chloe protests. Finally Emil has enough blood in the vial. He tells Chloe they need to get to the jet, but Chloe wants to stay with Clark. Emil says he doesn't have time to prep the antidote by himself. He holds up the blood and says they have to get it into the water supply. Ew. Chloe stares at Clark some more.
Daily Planet. Lois and Oliver are still in the elevator. "You're a mess," Lois tells him quietly. He knows. He pops some pills while Lois looks at him sadly. Hey, how about giving some speed to the woman you're trying to keep awake? He walks over to a reflective plate in the elevator wall, turning his back to Lois like he's about to make a tearful confession in a soap opera. Which I guess he is, actually. He gazes at himself in the shiny metal. Yes, your manly stubble is coming in quite nicely. "Why don't you tell me I'm full of it, Lois, like you always used to?" OK, at this point he should know something is horribly wrong, because Lois is being quiet for once. Instead, Oliver stares at himself some more and then whispers, "God, I miss you." Your reflection misses you, too, hot stuff. He misses his days together with Lois and thinks she feels the same. Finally he turns to look at her. She's slumped over. He shakes her awake and she raises red eyes to look at him. She snarls and shoves him across the elevator. Instead of killing him, she escapes through the top of the elevator, growling unintelligibly like a pre-menstrual yeti.
Now we're back to where we started, with Clark waking up at the Watchtower. Just go back and read the first paragraph because it's the exact same scene.
Above cloudy skies, the Queen Industries private jet is zooming along. Inside, Emil studies a map of Metropolis and says that the antidote has permeated the water supply. Chloe thinks that's great for all the people who are taking a shower (because zombies love to be clean?), but... "What about the rest of us?" Emil says that's why they're "seeding" the clouds with antidote. "It should be able to create a curative precipitation to blanket the city." Chloe hits a few keys on a computer and from nozzles on the underside of the jet, a crappy CGI rendering of red mist sprays out. They keep calling it an "antidote" but I'm pretty sure that's just Clark's blood, or mostly just blood. Gross. Back inside the jet, Emil offers to shake Chloe's hand, saying, "In the event that anything goes wrong, I just want you to know your contributions have been appreciated." Chloe looks down at his hand with the "WTF" expression it deserves. She doesn't shake his hand: "Nothing's going wrong." Emil snorts that he knows why Oliver had such faith in her: "He finally met someone who's a match for his confidence." He turns away and adds, "It's probably no surprise that you were the one to betray him." Chloe wants an explanation for why Emil would say that. I have one: Emil has the social grace of a flatulent water buffalo. Emil says Chloe's been tracking Oliver and the rest of the League. I guess she somehow magically put that camera on his belt buckle despite not seeing him for weeks. Chloe realizes Emil's been snooping around Watchtower. Emil wants to know why Chloe's spying on them. She tells him, basically, that it's for their own good. Someone has to protect them because they're all self-indulgent whiners and babies. She's nicer about it than that, though. They're the worst at taking care of themselves, she says, but they're the ones the world needs the most. Emil and his mutton chops mull this over. "I assume that no one else knows about this?" he asks. It's Chloe's secret, she says. She questions if Emil can keep it. "I guess you'll just have to trust me," he says. Chloe doesn't look so sure about that.
Back at the Daily Planet, it's the second half of the second paragraph all over again: Ransacked basement, flickering lights, a squelchily drooling Lois attacking Clark. He grabs her wrists and tries to fend her off. She gnashes her teeth at him like a crazed animal. I think this is the most expressive I've ever seen Erica Durance's face. At first, I didn't even think it was her. Clark pushes Lois back and she responds by shoving him thirty feet through a window. He tumbles into the street outside with a thud and a grunt. (There doesn't seem to be a quarantine of any kind, by the way.) He gets to his feet and finds Lois waiting for a second round. She rushes him but he manages to grab her and turn her around so that the biting side of her is facing away from him. She struggles as he holds her. It's like he's hugging a screaming child in order to wait out a tantrum. He tells her it's going to be OK. She thrashes and gnashes some more. He looks up at the sky as rain starts to fall. He holds her there like he somehow knows it's going to cure her, but he couldn't have known. I mean, Chloe didn't even know about the rain thing until she was already on the jet. Also, Lois's gnashing teeth totally sound like a stapler. She's going to collate him alive! She continues to struggle, but as the rain washes over them she starts to calm down. The water washes away her zombie makeup and inky drool. "Lois?" Clark asks tentatively. He loosens his grip so she can turn around to face him. She doesn't know what happened. "We made it," he says. They smile and stare and stare and smile, then hug. Suddenly, a bunch of other people are walking around in the rain, looking a little dazed but de-zombified. Well, that was easy.
Later that night in a dark, dank alley, Oliver is drinking from a wee flask. His Ducati is parked a few feet away. Clark whooshes onto the scene and Oliver sighs, "Here we go." Clark bitches him out for not keeping Lois awake. "Lois almost died! You spiraled down so far you couldn't even protect her." Hey, you could have revealed your powers and protected her, so don't go lecturing anybody about heroics, you doofus. Clark asks, "Is there any part of the person I used to know still there?" Oliver doesn't think so. Clark thinks Oliver needs help. Oliver seems to agree with what Clark said earlier, and thinks he's been running away from himself for a long time. Now that he's looked at himself in the mirror, he knows who he really is. "Then you know what you have to do," Clark says. Oliver agrees and thanks him. Sad string music plays. Clark, obviously thinking they've come to an understanding, leaves the scene. Oliver watches after him for a few moments before pulling his Green Arrow costume out of a bag he was carrying. He drops it to the ground and empties his flask over it. He flicks a pocket lighter, pauses, then sets the costume on fire. He watches it burn. This... isn't still all about Jimmy, right?
Kent Farm, day time. The bright blues and yellows look so garish after all the desaturated blues and grays of Metropolis. Inside, Clark is cleaning out his wallet and comes across a picture of Lana. He gazes at it fondly. The corners are all careworn like he's been taking it out every night for the past eight years and snuggling it. After some consideration, he takes the picture to a photo album and affixes it to one of the pages. It's only closure because Kristin Kreuk has left the show, and not because Clark and Lana actually got a real ending to their story. Clark closes the photo album just as Lois lets herself into the house. She wants to apologize in case she tried to rip his head off. He jokes that she had a "pretty mean left hook." And a downright evil halitosis, I'm guessing. "I don't remember that," she says, "but I do remember seeing a whole new side of Clark Kent." She calls him a hero. Clark beams: "And I wasn't even wearing red and blue." He's going to totally rub the sock puppet's nose in this later. Lois, for no real reason, tells him, "Well, you got a long ways to go before you can do that." He smiles. She smiles. It's smiles all around. They agree they make a pretty good team. Then Lois teases Clark because he never did tell her his secret. He looks panicked for a moment before she lets him off the hook: "Relax, Smallville." I think she tries to slap his arm or pat him on the shoulder, but he catches her wrist and holds it. They stare at each other for eons until Lois tells him to "keep the mystery." She heads out the door, but pauses on the porch and looks a little queasy. Yeah, those heavy-handed CLARK-N-LOIS-4-EVAH!!! scenes make me a little urpy, too. Oh, wait -- she's having another one of her visions of the future. Sex with Clark, Oliver digging, dead Chloe, Tess kneeling before Zod, etc. Lois snaps back to the present, panting and moving her eyes around. After a moment, she steps off the porch. Clark watches her from the door, frowning. Why is he frowning? Who knows! Maybe people pausing for two seconds outside a door just freaks him out a little. Maybe he can hear the suddenly ominous music that's playing. I don't know!
You'd think the episode was over now, but you'd be wrong. Dr. Coats lets himself into a grungy warehouse somewhere. He's traded in his white doctorly coat for something that makes him look like he couldn't decide whether to join the military or Stomp . Zod's familiar voice greets him from the shadows. Zod, getting good use of his library card, goes on to say, " Three things cannot be long hidden: The sun, the moon, and the truth. " Coats drops down into a kneeling salute as Zod walks towards him. So he was faking being a doctor, the little weasel. Zod lays a hand on his shoulder and Coats stands up, looking like he's going to pee himself. Zod fishes Coats's dog tags from around his neck. He holds them in his hand. Coats starts to explain something, but Zod interrupts him: "And the truth is, you've become reckless, haven't you?" He uses the same tone one might use while gently scolding a misbehaving puppy, if one were a genocidal psychopath. Zod clarifies for those of us who haven't caught on yet that Coats is the one who unleashed the virus. He yanks Coats's dog tags from around his neck. Zod flaps his lips around and asks if Coats has lost his foresight. "I did it for our survival," Coats explains. Zod says the humans will hunt them when they discover the virus's true origin. Zod circles around behind Coats. Coats turns to face him and thinks that the humans won't have the chance, because he's found the secret to their lost abilities. He shows Zod a piece of paper with Clark's fancy S symbol on it. Zod takes it and looks like he wants to simultaneously cry and barf. "Jor-El... he survived," he says, mistaking the symbol's origins. Coats says Jor-El didn't just survive, but judging by all the "miraculous saves" around the city, he also has super powers. Zod thinks this means Jor-El is keeping all the powers for himself while leaving Zod and his men defenseless. Coats explains that he released the virus to uncover Jor-El. For a moment, Zod looks pleased. "Were you successful?" he asks. Er... well, not exactly. But he has a vial of Clark's blood antidote! He gives Zod the vial so they can use it to track Jor-El. "I trust you see the risk was worth it," Coats says. Zod compliments him for "stepping outside the boundaries of his station." Coats beams and practically rocks back on his heels with pride. "Kneel," Zod commands quietly. Coats obliges with a smile.
Zod somehow is suddenly holding a two-foot-long sword behind his back. In a flash of either needlessly artistic camera work or heretofore hidden super powers, Zod raises the sword and then slashes downward. There's a wet, meaty sound and then a thud. Lying on the ground are the two pieces of Coats formerly known as a whole body. Zod, looking somewhat shaken, spreads his arms slightly and lifts his gaze heavenward like he's expecting the Quickening . Instead, the screen just goes black.
You know, I waffled over the episode grade for a while. I wanted to give it a B for the zombies, because they looked pretty cool and I just like zombies whether they're the traditional shuffling eat-your-brains type or the rage-filled Danny Boyle type. Then I wanted to give the Zod bit at the end an A, because I loves me some Zod. But then I remember all the little failures of logic, and the clunky relationship moments that grind any forward motion to a halt, and I want to give the episode a D. Plus, the "mystery" surrounding the virus that I liked upon the first watch seemed less of a focus than I initially thought. I'm going to average things out and call it a C+. Not the worst episode in the world, but could have been much better.
If Tippi were infected by a zombie virus, she would still diligently turn in her recaps. But she probably wouldn't spell-check them first. You can contact her at b_tippi@yahoo.com.