Mystery Sinus Theater
Updated 2006-10-09 17:00:00
In a new first -- an episode named after a bodily function (coming in Season 7: "Piss") -- Clark comes down with a cold after exhausting himself trying to repair the damage from last week's apparently not-so-bad worldwide cataclysm. This is unusual, but signals a new power: the ability to sneeze the ***** out of doors and people and papers. Clark's sneezing blows a barn door into the air and out to a field near where Lois is jogging, causing her to try to figure out why barn doors fall from the sky. (That was our collective will, Lois, trying to crush you. It didn't work.) She launches an investigation. Meanwhile, Lana moves in with Lex because her dorm is all messed up to hell. Lex is a little paranoid because somebody is following him. That somebody kidnaps him and tries to torture him to find out why he recently had superpowers. Lex doesn't remember anything about his Zod episode, and has no answers except the obvious one: aliens from another dimension. So they shoot him in the arm. Lana finds a security video of herself undressing in her new room. It makes her feel oogy. Papa Luthor enlists Clark's help to find the missing Lex. They're both worried that Lex will spill Clark's secret. Nice concern, dicks. He also threatens an ex-classmate of Lex's who has set up shop in town and is actually responsible for the kidnapping. He looks a lot like that dude from the Aquaman pilot. Wait, it is the dude from the Aquaman pilot! Chloe and Clark try to find Lex. Lana and Clark fight like it's 2002. Lana gets her dumb ass abducted while trying to find Lex herself, and she and Lex end up in a warehouse inferno. Clark saves them by converting his mighty sneeze (with Chloe's help) to a giant blow, putting out the flames. Lana, not too glad to be alive, bitches about the security cameras, and Lex says, "Don't try to change me, babe. I'm like the wind." Chloe and Clark prepare to go on a sorta date, and Clark literally parts the clouds with his purty mouth. Also, was it just my TV, or did you guys hear a big click toward the end of the episode? It was like, "CLICK!" Oh, wait...that was just the world's biggest lightswitch being flicked because Lois suddenly has decided, after having her barn door story published in The Inquisitor, that her life's ambition is to be the world's greatest journalist. Too bad she'll have to kill Chloe for that to happen.