A Modest Proposal
Updated 2006-11-20 16:00:00
On his quest to track down and capture escaped Phantom "Zoners," Clark travels to Seattle (er, Seattle, British Colombia?) to investigate a case of sailors and dock workers who literally had the bones sucked out of them. Anyhoo, Clark poses as a medical student (ha!) then a coroner (ha ha!) to find clues. The culprit is a giant dude with sweet fronts who is pulling the bones out and drinking the delicious marrow. Mmm, bone marrow (drool).... Clark tries his crest on the thug, but it turns out it doesn't work because the guy's not a phantom. Before Clark can get his ass kicked further, someone else attacks the Zoner, killing him. It's a giant green dude in a cape who eats Oreos. I don't want to ruin it, but...Martian Manhunter! In the other storyline, Lex is transformed into an electronic frequency by a former resident of Floor 33.1, a KryptoVillain who is trying to expose the secret lab. As Lex is stuck in his frequency, he can see and hear Lana, but she can't see or hear him. Much lovey-dovey "I miss you! I love you!" sentiments are exchanged as Lana tries to get him back. She spills the beans about being pregnant. Lex is thrilled because he wuvs Lana. And she wuvs him, too. Jimmy busts out his dad's old radio equipment to pick up the frequency (Kenneth) and the KryptoVillain is killed by Lex and a knife in a decidedly old school way. Lana tells Lex she's cool with the evil things that may or may not have happened in Floor 33.1. Papa Luthor moves the lab while Lex is all static and afterward demands to be made a partner in the experiments as a condition of sharing the new location. Lex, moved beyond all reason by Lana's deep and sudden love for him, decides to get his woo on. He brings Lana into his office, which is full of candles and flowers, and proposes to her with a very expensive ring. Pregnancy. A wedding proposal. I think the last ingredient for jumping the shark is The Great Gazoo.