For The Love Of Ratings
Updated 2005-10-31 16:00:00
Chloe, doing her best Veronica Mars narration, tells us the story of her disastrous internship interview with The Daily Planet's Pauline Kahn (a very sharp Carrie Fisher), who rubs Chloe's old high-school column in her face and dismisses her before telling her the only thing that'll get her attention is Chloe finding her a story. Cue the vampires! No, really. Lana, who has decided to go to Metropolis U., figured that the only way she can get affordable housing near campus is to join a sorority. That's Lana logic for you. Anyway, the sorority is full of lesbionic vampires who, like, kiss each other and stuff! Rock! Lana is given the bloody kiss, and soon she's copping attitude with Clark, dancing with strange boys, and regenerating when she breaks her back. Now Lana not only has a spine -- she can regrow it! Chloe and Clark, of course, bust up the party, but not before Chloe is once bitten by Lana. Clark takes Chloe to the hospital and discovers, through Professor SoFine, that the vampire symptoms are linked to a LuthorCorp research project involving vampire bats. Lex has a cure and shares it with Clark, but not before the Kryptonite-tainted wonder drug weakens Clark enough that he's bitten by Lana and taken back to the LesboLair. But Lana's high-school love prevails, and even though she got a taste of Clark's powers, she just thinks it means he's a good boyfriend. Everyone's happy, Lana and Chloe are cured, and Chloe has a story to get her that internship at The Planet. Lex, meanwhile, tussles with Professor SoFine on a verbal level. But when Lex sends a henchman to follow SoFine, they end up at the lab containing the spaceship. SoFine does a T-1000 and creates a metal pike from one of his fingers that stabs the guy. So, if you're thinking about disagreeing with the professor in class, I'd just keep that hand down.