We are back, this time in a probably fictional location called "Micronesia" (what"s next, hilarious jokesters? "Ittybittystan"?), where ten former contestants whom the show insists on calling "favorites" take on ten new contestants whom the show insists on calling "fans." Everyone has agreed to several shared delusions, including (1) these people, who look precisely like everyone else who has ever been cast, are the show"s true "superfans," because Survivor is the only insane fandom ever with an attractiveness quotient well above average; (2) James and Ozzy are equally imposing, despite the fact that James won zero individual immunity challenges and Ozzy won approximately eight hundred; (3) Jon "Jonny Fairplay" Dalton is entitled to make up his own wrestling name and everyone else has to use it; and (4) the ten "fans" of the show totally remember who Eliza and Ami are.
After the obligatory "let"s rock this thing" snickerdoodling from both sides and a fantabulous moment in which Yau Man drops Jon into the side of a boat with no ill regrets, there"s an immunity challenge in which Eliza gets a bump on the head (perhaps she will awaken with an ability to shut up, which ability she has not gained since her time in Vanuatu) and the "favorites" get roundly thumped by a gang of gym rats and enormous fake boobs. Yau Man is immune on account of having found an early immunity idol, and it looks like Eliza might go down under the power of a pair of early showmances: Ozzy/Amanda (oh, fer...) and James/Parvati (EWWWWWW!). But then Dalton realizes that everybody is bored with his bullshit and that he"s not going to be the center of attention, considering that the attitude is basically, "Oh, yeah, him. He might be lying, so...noted." So he capitalizes on the fact that he has recently knocked up poor ANTM Michelle, who has now undoubtedly had something on her face much more disgusting than flesh-eating bacteria. (Oh, yeah, I said it.) So he makes like he"s all upset, and he fake-cries, and he asks to be voted off, and Probst is like, "Pussy!" It"s all very dramatic, but at least he"s gone. The end!
Incidentally, as far as structure, pop, and entertainment value, his was the worst episode in the history of Survivor, for my money.