“Today”: They scored this morning with a report about cops who go around New Orleans, busting vendors for selling fake Super Bowl merchandise! Wait a minute, you mean that 49ers hat I bought for $1.49 isn't authentic?! Pfft, whatever, NFL... next thing, you'll be telling me there's no team called the Baltimore Raisins!
“Ellen”: I'll have to check the tape to be sure (what, you don't still tape stuff? on your VHS/VCR??) but I'm pretty sure Ryan Seacrest just said he went hot air ballooning with a guy named Thor. I hope that's true. And I hope that somewhere right now, in some other country, Thor is on a Scandinavian talk show, telling the host about the tiny American man he took for a ride, and the high-pitched shrieking noises he made!
“Anderson Live”: Today we saw a dog that sneezes and a dog that dresses up in men's clothing! So what's next, a dog that goes sledding? Oh wait, we saw that last week. What about a dog that rides a skateboard? Seen it. Jeez, somebody better hurry up and teach their dog how to drive a car or swing a golf club because we're gonna run out of viral dog videos!
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