Fall TV

‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’ Reunion, Part III: 8 things to know

Fall TV

View photo

.

Riiiichieeeeee Baaaaalboooooaaaaa

Chances are you saw the promos for the third installment of the "RHoNJ" reunion dozens of times — the Joes bellowing at each other, the Wakiles looking disgusted, and of course Teresa Giudice almost toppling onto Andy Cohen while screaming at her brother and sister-in-law.

But boy, did the Bravo promo department bury the lede on that hour, because the real headline isn't that Melissa Gorga really is a stripper (she isn't), but that Joe Gorga supported himself in college as a Chippendale (and had a G-string "elephant") (don't think on it too deeply, seriously).

Seven other revelations from the reunion show, in case you decided to skip it:

Hard time

Joe and Teresa still won't (or more likely can't, on the advice of counsel) discuss the status of Joe's legal problems with the duplicate license and the DUIs. Joe seems not to think this is all that big a deal, as his response to Andy Cohen noting with concern that the contretemps could lead to 10 years in the clink is "enh, whatever." Andy also noted that Joe rejected a plea deal from the DA. Joe's version: he told the DA to store the plea where the sun doesn't shine. Shocker.

According to Joe Giudice, Chris Laurita met Jackie in Vegas, when he was engaged — and she was a stripper. According to Chris, he met Jackie in Chicago, at a trade show. Or in the library with Colonel Mustard and a lead pipe, who knows. Chris does mutter at one point that "we're talking about strippers like we're talking about serial killers," and: seriously!

How did Joe Giudice get that black eye off-camera? Rich Wakile shrugs that Joe grabbed his crotch (I guess that's why Rich knocked him into the furniture). Joe claims that Rich grabbed his crotch first.

Teresa's hoarse-voiced screaming meltdown is prompted, in the end, by Joe Gorga saying that Teresa is trying to turn their parents against him. It looks like she's mostly lurching at Jackie — who has to be told to stay out of it by both Chris and Andy Cohen — but as usual, the accusations that hit closest at the truth seem to set Teresa off the worst, as Joe notes at another point that their parents told him that Teresa had been saying that Melissa is a stripper. …You know, when it's all written out like that, it's even more insane somehow.

Rich Wakile doesn't see what's wrong with his children knowing about his morning "wood" and insists that "it's a natural thing." That revelation and the crotch-grabbing arms-race information from earlier is practically the only screentime either Wakile gets, except occasional reaction shots of them rolling their eyes.

Please welcome Ambassador Laurita

Chris Laurita's willingness to involve himself in the show continues to be a complete mystery, because in spite of his puzzling vintage-Billy-Joel hairstyle, he's obviously awesome and a grownup. He offers several insights about Joe Gorga and Teresa's sibling relationship, without insulting Teresa or picking any fights, based on his own fraught relationship with Dina, whom he also doesn't talk trash about. When he's asked about Dina and Caroline's relationship, he offers that, from what he's seen, Teresa "played a role" in the rift, but manages to sound calm and reasonable about it; even Teresa doesn't react badly. And near the end, he notes that his and Jackie's struggles with their son's spectrum disorder have made them realize what's really important, and these arguments don't qualify. So, who knows why he doesn't run away and take Jackie with him, but the show is more fun with him on it (especially when he's giving Jacqueline's daughter Ashlee the business).

And last but not least, Kim D. of Posche (oy with that spelling) comes out to "settle" the "question" of what "really happened" at the fashion show. The conventional wisdom on that — a producer slipped that Angelo guy a hundo and a bottle of Ciroc to drop a turd in the Housewifely punchbowl by claiming Melissa used to dance for him, and pretty much everyone knew it was coming even if they didn't know the particulars — doesn't exactly track with what Kim says, which is that she wanted to get even with Melissa for promoting a competing business, instead of promoting hers. Um, maybe? Kim D. is kind of hard to understand sometimes, but it sounds like Kim D. knew what was about to go down; Teresa knew something was going to go down, and she knew Kim D. was mad at Melissa, but she didn't know exactly what was going on. Melissa thinks everyone knew what was coming but herself and Kathy. The regulars act more exhausted by it than angry at this point.

Melissa is done with Teresa. "Look in my eyes, I'm done."

And so's the "RHoNJ" season!

Watch Andy Cohen liven up the reunion set by holding a shoe-off, right here:

A video or other embedded content has been hidden. Click here to view it.

View Comments

Recommended for You

  • Jon Stewart Skewers Sean Hannity: "You're the Arby's of News"

    Jon Stewart's love of Sean Hannity is well documented. The two have a long, storied past together, but sometimes Hannity simply goes too far. "There is not much that I truly love in this world: my family, my country, my priceless collection of antique ceramic cats ... but above, all my heart…

    The Atlantic Wire
  • 'Vampire Diaries'' Ian Somerhalder and EP Caroline Dries talk big changes ahead

    Ian Somerhalder and executive producer Caroline Dries talk about "The Vampire Diaries," Damon and Enzo, the Travelers, and three "permanent" deaths to come by season's end.

    Hitfix
  • Credit Cards Now Offering 0% APR for 18 Months.

    Consumers can now get rid of high interest rates and get 0% APR for 18 months. Other offers including double miles and 40k points or $100 cash!

    AdChoices CompareCards.comSponsored
  • Inside Oprah’s Bizarre Love Triangle

    Winfrey’s stepmom gives an unfiltered Daily Mail interview about the former queen of daytime’s unusual relationship with her boyfriend—and even stranger one with her best friend.

    The Daily Beast (RSS)
  • Time Warner Cable Tops on Q1 Earnings, Lags Revs

    Time Warner Cable Inc. reported mixed financial results for the first quarter of 2014 where its bottom line surpassed the Zacks Consensus Estimate but the top missed the same.

    Zacks
  • Watch Stephen Colbert bid farewell to The Daily Show, as only Colbert can

    This is what we are learning about Stephen Colbert's departure from The Colbert Report, the show he has hosted for nine years: It will be a long farewell, and the character Stephen Colbert is already being written out of the script for the real Colbert's next act, hosting CBS Late Night.

    The Week (RSS)
  • In Upfronts, Big TV Nets’ Pricing Strength Is Threatened Yet Again

    In the next few weeks, Fox is expected to spotlight a series that plays off of the popular Batman character, CBS to talk up its new slate of Thursday-night football and NBC to promote its ongoing resurgence in reaching advertisers’ favorite viewers. The chatter may help the TV giants snare the…

    Variety
  • Sam Register Upped To President Of Warner Bros. Animation, Will Head New Digital Unit

    Warner Bros Animation’s EVP Creative Affairs Sam Register has been promoted to President, Warner Bros Animation and Warner Digital Series. The second part of the title refers to Register’s role as head of a newly formed live-action digital content production unit where he will oversee the…

    Deadline.com
  • A's lineup: Gentry in center, Norris catching

    Programming note: Rangers-As coverage starts today at 12 p.m. with As Pregame Live on Comcast SportsNet California (Channel locations) And join Insider Joe Stiglich to chat during innings 2-4 of the game.

    Comcast SportsNet Bay Area
  • Better Think Twice About Paying Off Your Mortgage

    Refinance to a 15 year fixed at 3.12/3.29% APR and pay off your mortgage in half the time. This simple program won't last long. Calculate payment.

    AdChoices The Easy Loan SiteSponsored
  • [video] Aereo v. the Networks: The Supreme Court Battle

    Aereo, the online-video startup, and television broadcasters have squared off at the U.S. Supreme Court. It's a battle over copyright law that could shake up the industry. Why do the networks want to kill ...

    MarketWatch
  • View

    '24: Live Another Day' (44 photos)

    Four years ago, Jack Bauer was a fugitive from justice. Now an exile, he nevertheless is willing to risk his life and freedom to avert yet another global disaster. The harrowing day will have Jack attempting to thwart an unthinkable terrorist attack that could change the world forever. "24: Live…

    Yahoo TV
  • ITV Studios UK Hires Discovery Intl Exec Julian Bellamy As Managing Director

    ITV Studios UK has moved quickly to fill the Managing Director post that will be vacated by Denise O’Donoghue at the end of 2014. Julian Bellamy, who is currently Discovery Networks International Creative Director and Head of Commissioning, will take over from O’Donoghue later this year, ITV said…

    Deadline.com
  • LIVE: Rangers vs. A's

    Tommy Milone and the A's look to take Game 2 of the three-game set. Watch on Comcast SportsNet Plus and follow along with In-Game Live..

    Comcast SportsNet Bay Area
  • Piquet Jr. to run Global Rallycross with SH Racing

    Nelson Piquet Jr. will compete in the upcoming Global Rallycross season with new entrant SH Racing. Piquet spent almost two full seasons in Formula One before moving to NASCAR in 2010. The Brazilian ran two full seasons in the Truck Series, where he won two races in 2012, and ran the full…

    The Associated Press
  • Brean Capital Sees Wisdom in Time Warner Cable Deal

    In a report published Wednesday, Brean Capital analyst Todd Mitchell reiterated a Buy rating and $165.00 price target on Time Warner Cable (NYSE: TWC ). In the report, Brean Capital noted, “Comcast 1Q14 ...

    Benzinga
  • 74-Yr-Old Outsmarts Doctors. Reduces Her Wrinkles.

    The ultimate skin tightening regimen that is helping every day women achieve younger looking skin without breaking the bank.

    AdChoices LifeCellSkinSponsored
  • Why Women Love 'Deadliest Catch'

    Captain Keith Colburn explains the show's female following and reveals the scariest moment he's ever had at sea

    Daily Shot
  • Amazon to get exclusive right to some HBO series

    Amazon.com and HBO have signed a multiyear deal to give Amazon Prime the exclusive rights to air some HBO series.

    CNBC
  • Comcast close to subscriber deal with Charter

    Comcast plans to sell nearly four million extra subscribers in a two-staged deal with Charter Communications, in what would represent a consolation prize for Charter’s eight-month pursuit of Time Warner ...

    MarketWatch
  • Play

    How Cameron Diaz Pranked Fallon’s Baby

    Wednesday on "The Tonight Show," Jimmy Fallon called out Cameron Diaz for pranking his infant daughter. Diaz was hanging out with the Fallon’s and their then 6-week-old named Winnie Rose. Once Winnie had fallen asleep, Diaz placed the child’s hand in a glass of warm water! According to Diaz, since…

    Nighttime in No Time Videos
  • Arrow Recap: A Mother Of a Twist (Times Three)

    The following recap, by the very definition of the word “recap,” contains spoilers from this week’s Arrow. The CW’s Arrow this Wednesday uncorked one mother of a twist after another — one that made you go, “Huh,” one where you […]

    TVLine.com
  • Report: Patriots pick up option on Solder

    The Patriots will be keeping Nate Solder around through the 2015 season. The Patriots had to pick up an option on Solder by May 3 in order to retain the former first-round pick for a fifth season.

    Comcast SportsNet New England
  • Sleep-Aid Takes America by Storm

    Discover a safe, natural sleep-aid that is helping people of all ages get the best sleep of their life.

    AdChoices Peak LifeSponsored